


(Re)Arranged

by Devils_Official



Series: Askbox Fics [8]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Amputation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Assault, Attempted Sexual Assault, Established Sendaxus, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, but Sendak doesn’t know that, not involving Sendak or Haxus, strongly implied bullying, strongly implied child abuse, touchstarved lotor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-01-31 15:10:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 58,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21448237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devils_Official/pseuds/Devils_Official
Summary: In which no one is happy about Sendak’s marriage to Prince Lotor. Not Sendak, not Lotor, and not Sendak’s lover, Haxus.
Relationships: Haxus/Lotor/Sendak (Voltron), Haxus/Sendak (Voltron), Lotor/Sendak (Voltron)
Series: Askbox Fics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1189111
Comments: 354
Kudos: 304





	1. Chapter 1

Haxus sighed for the umpteenth time, although it did nothing to lessen his irritation.

“I don’t like this anymore than you do,” Sendak said, just as irritably, “but I don’t have a choice in the matter, either.”

“In your own marriage?” Haxus snapped. “You have  _ no _ choice in that?” 

“Unfortunately, no,” Sendak said, continuing to adjust his ceremonial attire. ”Not when the Emperor asks.”

“He has no right to ask this of you!”

“It’s not that simple, Hax.” 

“Why not!” He knew Sendak had already made up his mind about this, that trying to get him to change it would be...difficult, if not impossible. Sendak had his reasons for it, and Haxus didn’t have to like it. 

It just… They hadn’t gotten quite to that point yet, but he’d half-hoped that one day…

“This is a great honor,” Sendak said. “Refusing it would end my career.”

Haxus didn’t see how, but- Sendak always said politics was like battle, like strategy, but Haxus was far more comfortable with his neat programs, his columns of numbers. 

Sendak turned finally, from the mirror, and crossed the room to Haxus, kneeling before him. “Trust me, Hax. I am not doing this because I want to, and I am certainly not doing this because I don’t care for you. Because I do care for you, a great deal. You know that, right?”

Haxus nodded mutely, unsure what to say and unable to make himself speak. 

Sendak pulled him into a brief kiss. “And this doesn’t need to end, either.”

“ _ He’ll- _ “ Haxus began, half-scandalized.

“I’ll talk to him. I imagine that he wants this about as much as either of us do. Just...trust me. It’ll be alright.”

Haxus sighed again, this time more fondly, and stroked one of Sendak’s ears. “I do trust you.” He pushed Sendak away and stood. “Let me make sure you don’t embarrass yourself.”

Sendak glared without heat, but stood and allowed Haxus to make adjustments to his attire and pin the cape to his shoulders. 

“There,” Haxus said. “You look very handsome.”

Sendak smiled. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I know this wasn’t how things were supposed to go, but… We’ll make the best of it.”

“We always do,” Haxus agreed, wanting to hug Sendak, but he didn’t want to wrinkle his garments. He settled for briefly rubbing his cheek against Sendak’s. “Are you ready?”

Sendak nodded. “Thank you for understanding.” 

“It’s rude to yell at a man on the day of his wedding. I’ll make you pay for it later.”

Sendak smirked. “Is that so?”

Haxus turned and walked towards the door. “If we don’t hurry, you’re going to be late.”

“It’s not like they can start without me, is it?” Still, Sendak did one more once-over of himself in the mirror, then nodded. “Let’s get this over with.”

It was not like walking to one’s execution. For one thing, Haxus wasn’t the one getting married. For another, he would never be so… melodramatic. This wasn’t the end of anything, but rather -if Sendak was correct -another step forward. This could be a good thing. 

It was just… Haxus would have preferred if Sendak didn’t have to marry another man. 

They entered the grand hall, with Haxus slipping along in Sendak’s shadow -a rather comfortable, safe place to be, he’d found - and Haxus sat near the front, a privilege of both his and Sendak’s rank. An acknowledgement of his place at Sendak’s side. 

Haxus schooled his features to blankness, to iciness; no point in letting anyone else know that he wasn’t happy about this. It wasn’t uncommon for Commanders to fuck their Lieutenants, but that was just sex. 

What he and Sendak had… It was more than that. But they weren’t open about it, both of them being too pragmatic to allow such a vulnerability to be visible to others. 

And really… He had no reason to be jealous. Sendak would surely prefer him over his new husband. There really was no contest, and it was silly to worry about it.

Sendak stood near the front of the room, before the Archivist, waiting patiently as Zarkon arrived and took his place on the throne.

Long minutes passed, and Zarkon got more and more irritated, and frankly, so did Haxus. He’d made sure that Sendak was on-time; why couldn’t this brat have the same courtesy? 

Finally, the doors at the other end of the hall banged open, and Prince Lotor entered in a quiet fury, refusing to look at anyone or anything. 

He was, of course, attired appropriately for the occasion, but that only made him presentable, not truly attractive. It was such a shame that Sendak, who could have had anyone he wished, was to be wasted on this princeling. 

(He could not stop himself from thinking that it should have been him up there with Sendak.) 

(It could have been him up there, too, if only…) 

Sendak’s ear flicked in irritation as he took the brat’s hands in his -he was used to a certain amount of respect, after all -and the ceremony began.

Haxus was not sure who had planned this, but the thing dragged on and  _ on _ . Most Galra ceremonies were short and to the point, but this was decidedly not. The marriage of a prince was an important occasion, sure, but…? 

Finally, the final vows were exchanged, and Haxus expected it to be over.

It was not.

Zarkon made some long speech about dynasties and power and… Haxus wasn’t entirely sure what, actually; it sounded like the ramblings of a madman (not that he would ever say such a thing aloud). 

And then -and this was the thing that shocked the hall into dead silence -Zarkon began stripping properties and titles from his own son, and bestowing them on Sendak, and when he was finished, the prince was left with  _ nothing _ but whatever Sendak chose to grant him. 

Not that Sendak wasn’t worthy of such an honor, but…

And finally, lastly and most importantly, Zarkon had them both kneel, and he stripped the title of Prince from Lotor and gave it to Sendak, and when they rose, Sendak was a prince and a commander of the highest ranks, and Lotor was nothing.

It almost made it worth it, Haxus supposed, a wave of hot vindictiveness rushing through him. The brat should pay for stealing Sendak from him.

* * *

There was a feast, because of course there was. 

Lotor drank, hoping to numb... _ everything _ . He hadn’t even known that the reason he’d been recalled from his exile was to get married until earlier that morning, when the attendants had pulled out the traditional red and gold garments for him to don.

To find out that it was Sendak to whom he was now married, to watch in horror as everything he had was stripped away and given to this man he’d only heard of, as he was able to do  _ nothing… _

(Of course he’d heard of Commander Sendak, and none of it was good. Another reason Lotor drank.) 

And now there was nothing he could do. Galra married for life, with few exceptions, and even if Sendak  _ did _ abuse him… What could he do? His father wouldn’t annul the marriage for that reason. Hells, he probably wouldn’t even care.

Well-wishers came by to congratulate them -or, Sendak, mostly; Lotor had no friends here -making the sort of bawdy jokes often told at weddings, and Lotor’s ears burned.

He should be making note of these officers. He didn’t know the court well anymore, and maybe he could find allies here. Maybe he could…

A knife in Sendak’s back would end their marriage more surely than anything else, but it could end Lotor’s life, too, if he were implicated in any way. 

He stared into his wine glass, hoping it would give him an answer of some sort. 

It didn’t, of course, so he drained it and was about to signal for more wine when Sendak casually and proprietarily put a hand on his wrist. “I think that’s enough.”

Lotor pulled his wrist away, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to cause a scene. Sendak might punish him for embarrassing him like that, and he didn’t know Sendak. 

He knew his father, knew how to play that game, but this was a different, unfamiliar game, and that scared him. He didn’t even know the rules here.

That would be his first task, he decided: figuring those rules out, finding the line and crossing it, just to see what Sendak would do, so he could know what to expect. 

Everyone here knew that they hadn’t married for love, but even so, there were traditions to be observed, and they’d stayed at the feast too long as it was.

Newly-weds were supposed to leave the feast early, excited about the prospect of consummating the marriage (and perhaps of conceiving children, if they were compatible in that way), while all their guests were occupied with feasting and carousing.

The prospect just made Lotor uneasy. More and more comments were made as the night wore on, about how the newly-weds were still here, about how a good marriage night made for a good marriage, about…

Only one person didn’t comment. A man who Lotor assumed was Sendak’s Lieutenant, by his uniform and relative placement in the seating arrangement. But he was deep into his cup by now.

But at least Lotor could be glad that Zarkon wasn’t here to witness any of this. He’d practically disowned Lotor, and that stung, as much as he wanted to hate his father, but at least Lotor wouldn’t have to look at him as Sendak led him away.

It had to happen eventually. Finally, Sendak stood, and Lotor stood with him, not wanting to, but he really couldn’t risk angering Sendak now. Not tonight. 

He hadn’t thought much about marriage, not in a long time (who would ever willingly marry  _ him? _ ) but he hadn’t thought it would be like this. He’d thought… maybe there would be one person, in this vast universe, who might truly want him, for himself.

Childish, romantic nonsense. He’d have to make the best of this, and he supposed… Sendak had just as many marital duties to him as he had to Sendak. 

Tonight, maybe he could pretend, and tomorrow… Tomorrow he’d start planning a way out. 


	2. Chapter 2

There were worse things, Sendak supposed. Maybe this wasn’t ideal on a personal level -he knew Haxus was pissed about it, and would surely make him pay for it later -but his standing in the Empire had changed dramatically, and all it had taken was one sham marriage. 

There were now only two people in the entire Empire with more power than he: the Emperor and the High Priestess. 

One day, if the unthinkable happened, and Zarkon died, that might change, too, and he was now in a position to make the very best of that situation. 

Haxus focused too much on the details, and sometimes he failed to see the big picture. 

For now, he had to play this little game. 

So he led his new husband from the banquet hall. 

Lotor was pretty enough (Sendak didn’t want to admit that he was his type, _although_ _he was_) that this wouldn’t be particularly trying. 

Of course, they wouldn’t have to consummate the marriage,  _ ever _ , if they didn’t want to. They were incapable of producing natural children, so no one would expect heirs, and it wasn’t like there were witnesses to the act. No one would know.

The idea...did not disappoint Sendak, exactly, although he didn’t like the idea of missing out on enjoying his wedding night. It might be a sham marriage, but…

It was liable to be the only wedding night he ever had. Annulments were only rarely sought out, and Zarkon was unlikely to allow such a thing in this case. So he was likely stuck with Lotor until one of them died.

Marriages between more than two people were legal under Galra law, but since he was already married to Lotor, he’d have to convince Lotor to allow it, and he had a feeling that Lotor was irritated enough by being set aside by Zarkon in this manner; he wasn’t likely to allow his husband to do the same. 

So. Haxus would have to be content with remaining his lover and nothing more for the foreseeable future.

Sendak’s professional prospects had never looked better, but he knew his personal life was about to become... _ interesting. _

Lotor was silent was they walked to their rooms -prepared specially for this night -staring straight ahead and walking in a surprisingly straight line, considering the amount Sendak had seen him drink. 

He opened the door for Lotor, and Lotor brushed past him, heading straight for the bedroom.

He paused at the threshold. 

Sendak closed and locked the main door behind him. “I want you to know that this was not my idea,” he said.

(It wouldn’t do to make Lotor too angry; they had to sleep together, for tonight at least, and Sendak was not too keen on waking up with a knife in his back. And it hadn’t been his idea.)

“I know,” Lotor said. 

Sendak paused, trying to come up with a response.

Lotor spoke before he could: “Why would  _ you _ possibly want to marry  _ me? _ You wouldn’t have to, to advance your career, although I suppose you are the one who ends up benefiting most from this ...arrangement. This was done solely so my father could replace me with you. That’s all.”

“...oh,” Sendak said, unsure of what else to say.

“He’ll get rid of you, too, in time, if he finds you lacking,” Lotor said, “and it won’t be as kind as exile.”

“It won’t be a problem,” Sendak said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“My fate is tied to yours now,” Lotor snapped. “Excuse me if I care.” 

“It’s not going to be an issue,” Sendak insisted. “I have never failed in anything before, and I won’t start now.”

Lotor laughed hollowly. “That’s what I thought, too, and then I was exiled. But you aren’t my father’s son, and the protections that apply to me won’t shield you when the time comes.”

“You seem so sure that I will fail,” Sendak said. “You don’t know me.”

“I don’t,” Lotor agreed. “I know nothing about my husband. I’ve heard that he is cruel and ruthless and powerful. Beyond that… How am I supposed to know which rumors are true? Perhaps that reputation is intended to compensate for other...shortcomings.”

The significant glance he aimed below Sendak’s belt made his meaning clear.

“You’ve heard no such thing,” Sendak said. 

“Prove it,” Lotor said.

Sendak had Lotor pinned up against the wall before he quite registered moving.

Lotor stared up at him defiantly, unafraid. But why should he be? He had nothing left to lose. 

“Is that what you want?” Sendak hissed. “You want me to prove that I have nothing to compensate for?”

“Maybe I do,” Lotor said. “I’m married to you now, and that entitles me to certain… privileges.”

“You’re a slut,” Sendak said, “trying to hop into bed with a man you don’t know.”

“Then you’ve married a slut,” Lotor said. “Maybe you should show me that I won’t have to sleep around in order to get what I want. Imagine the rumors: the Great Commander Sendak can’t even keep his half-breed slut of a husband satisfied.”

Sendak wedged a knee between Lotor’s thighs, spreading them, making him inadvertently grind against Sendak’s thigh.

He was hard. 

Which… If their situations had been reversed, and Sendak was the one married off to a man he didn’t know, one who could almost certainly overpower him… He would not have been turned on.

“Slut,” Sendak said again, pressing his thigh between Lotor’s legs a little more insistently. 

“Do something about it,” Lotor hissed.

Sendak was aware that Lotor was trying to goad him into fucking him, but he…. He wasn’t sure  _ why _ . He couldn’t imagine that Lotor really wanted to be fucked that badly, especially by someone he didn’t know, but…

“Lotor,” he said, softer, quieter, trying to will away his irritation. “We don’t have to do this. If you don’t want me to touch you, ever, then that’s alright. I’m not going to take advantage of you. I know you probably don’t believe me, but-“

“Shut. Up!” Lotor snapped. “I want you to, and you’re my fucking husband, too, so just- Just do it already!”

“You know what? Fine,” Sendak said. He wasn’t a stranger to casual sex, though it had been a while. Still, Lotor was… “If that’s what you want,  _ dear husband.”  _

He didn’t give Lotor a chance to respond, just threw him over his shoulder and crossed the threshold.

Lotor yelped in surprise, and struggled a little, but it seemed like more of a show than a real attempt to free himself. Sendak wasn’t holding onto him  _ that _ tightly, so if he wanted to break free, he could have, and Sendak wouldn’t have stopped him.

There was still the nagging question of  _ why _ in the back of Sendak’s mind -why was Lotor doing this, why did he want it,  _ why _ \- but.

Well. They were both adults. Lotor could make his own decisions, regardless of how unhealthy they might be, and Sendak didn’t even know him, much less care for him; he was under no obligation to look out for Lotor’s best interests.

He set Lotor down on the bed, then stepped back to undress himself.

Lotor watched with feigned disinterest, but he couldn’t hide the way his pupils grew big and round, as much as he might have wanted to.

“You must be able to have anyone you want,” Lotor said, as Sendak folded the ceremonial clothes neatly. “Being as important and powerful as you are.”

“If I wanted,” Sendak said. He didn’t want to talk about Haxus right now, maybe because Lotor seemed so...volatile. It was difficult to judge how he’d react to anything, and Sendak wanted, in some way, to protect Haxus. Surely Lotor would be in a better mood after, and then they could talk, but for now… It seemed prudent to reveal as little as possible. 

“So maybe there’s someone else you’d rather be with tonight,” Lotor said. “Someone more suited to your tastes. But you are  _ my _ husband, and for tonight, I want your mind on  _ me. _ ”

Sendak laughed a little. “That won’t be a problem,” he said. 

Lotor blinked in surprise, but that was his only reaction. “Good,” he said. He sat up enough to undress himself, kicking the ceremonial garments to the floor, before beckoning Sendak closer.

Sendak went. Of course he went. Lotor was all but begging for him to fuck him, and… he really was Sendak’s type, small yet feisty and quick witted. It would be no hardship to perform his marital duties. 

“Turn over,” Sendak said, hovering over him. 

“What, so you don’t have to look at me?” Lotor asked spitefully, suspiciously. “Fuck you.”

Sendak moved back enough to allow Lotor to look at his cock, fully unsheathed and mostly hard by now. “Trust me,” he said. “It will be easier for you, but if you don’t want to be able to walk tomorrow, that’s fine with me.”

Lotor’s mouth fell open a little, but then he snapped it shut, raised his chin a little in defiance, and turned over, like it had been his idea all along. 

He was going to have to be quick on his feet to keep up with Lotor, but it would certainly keep things interesting. 

Sendak reached for the lube helpfully set out on the bedside table, although he probably didn’t really need it. His sheath was dripping slick already. 

Still…. Maybe he hadn’t chosen this for himself, but he still wanted to make a good impression, and he liked to think of himself as a considerate lover, and at the very least, that involved not hurting his partner in ways they didn’t want to be hurt. 

“Relax,” Sendak said, draping himself over Lotor’s back so he could whisper directly into his ear. “You won’t be able to take me if you don’t.”

Lotor was so small under him that he had his doubts that Lotor could take him completely at all, relaxed or not, but… If not, there were other things, and he did so want to at least  _ try _ this. 

Sendak wrapped his hand around Lotor’s cock; Lotor jerked but didn’t make a sound. He was dripping slick, too, and the opening of his sheath was practically swollen with arousal.

Some part of Sendak was relieved at that. He didn’t want to have sex with someone who wasn’t just as into it as he was. He liked enthusiastic partners, and the idea of fucking someone who wasn’t aroused was...abhorrent. 

(He knew there were those who didn’t care, those who preferred it when their partners struggled against them, those who didn’t have partners so much as victims, but part of what Sendak enjoyed about sex was bringing pleasure to his partner. He  _ liked _ getting his partner off and knowing that he’d done that.)

Sendak stroked his cock firmly, at an even pace, which had Lotor bucking his hips into hand, trying to speed up the process, but Sendak didn’t particularly want to be rushed.

He hadn’t chosen this, but if this was the only wedding night he got, then he was going to enjoy it. Savor it, even.

He whispered as much to Lotor, who just made a little sound in his throat, like a whimper and a groan combined. 

Finally, when it seemed that it would only take a few more strokes to finish Lotor off, Sendak pulled his hand away.

Lotor made a soft sound of protest, but Sendak just shushed him. “Not yet,” he murmured. “I thought you wanted me to fuck you?”

Lotor nodded, and then yelped as Sendak pressed a slick finger to his entrance.

“Relax,” Sendak said. “I’m bigger than anyone you’ve ever taken.”

Lotor made a sound almost like a laugh, but too breathless, too desperate for a genuine one. 

And yet he did relax, slowly, incrementally, like he was fighting with himself for it, and finally, Sendak managed to get two fingers into him, thrusting and spreading them carefully.

“You’re the tightest slut I’ve ever met,” Sendak said lowly. “Been a while?”

“Fuck you,” Lotor wheezed.

“Not tonight,” Sendak replied, slipping a third finger into him. He really was tight, but if they were careful… Sendak could probably make this work. 

He toyed with Lotor a little longer, because the tiny noises that reverberated in his throat were more erotic than they had any right to be, but finally Sendak’s patience was at its end. 

He pulled his fingers free, relishing Lotor’s little bitten-off moan, and then pulled Lotor’s hips up a little more, making his back arch deliciously.

He had such an incredible ass, gorgeously round, just the right size to fit in Sendak’s hands…

Maybe if they ever fucked face-to-face…

He’d like to take Lotor up against a wall once, just to try it. Lotor was such a little thing; he wouldn’t be able to reach the floor, and Sendak could dictate their pace with his hands on Lotor’s ass…

He had no idea what Lotor wanted out of this, though. Probably not that. Tonight was probably the only time he would want this, and after tonight…

He pressed the tip of his cock to Lotor’s asshole. “Ready?”

Lotor nodded, so Sendak continued the slow, steady press.

Lotor really was tight. Part of it had to be that he was just so  _ tiny _ . Perhaps the other part was nerves. 

“Relax,” Sendak whispered again. “Just breathe.”

It took some time, but Sendak did manage to bottom out.

Even if Lotor hadn’t needed time to adjust, Sendak would have had to pause for a moment, because…

It was all so overwhelming. Intense. Heavenly and yet hellishly tempting. It would be all too easy to disregard Lotor’s comfort and simply just...use him.

And yet, that seemed like the wrong way to set the tone of this thing, whatever it ended up as: allies or colleagues or whatever else. 

Besides, Sendak might be a lot of things, but selfish -at least in this context -wasn’t one of them. 

He stroked Lotor’s side, waiting for some of the tension in his body to ease, for him to take a deep breath and drop his head, for him to push back slightly and nod.

(Sendak could not help but be smug that Lotor seemed beyond speech at this point, but that was to be expected; Sendak’s assessment of his endowment was merely a statement of fact and not prideful boasting.) 

He withdrew slightly, then thrust forward, almost teasingly, and Lotor made a sound as if he’d been struck, a breathy little gasp that was one of the sweetest things Sendak had ever heard before. 

“You like that?” He crooned, picking up the pace a little, still watchful for signs of pain, but there were none. Lotor’s claws rent holes in the sheets, and sweat was beading down the back of his neck, but his ears quivered in pleasure, and he pushed back into every thrust. Not with any kind of grace or rhythm, but…

“Little slut,” Sendak murmured, almost fondly. “Of course you do. Probably can’t get enough, can you? Don’t worry, I’ll indulge you, if that’s what you want.” He bit into the meat of Lotor’s shoulder, some instinctive part of his eager to stake his claim.

Lotor was such a lovely little thing, physically at least, and maybe it  _ was _ selfish to want to keep him, but sex could just be sex, with nothing else involved. Maybe that would be for the best: it would keep his little slut happy, and yet he wouldn’t have to risk Haxus’s ire at being set aside emotionally.

Whichever way it worked out, they’d have to make the best of it, the three of them, or risk...everything, for the sake of Sendak’s ambition, and while he was willing to risk his own happiness, Haxus’s was another matter.

”Stop thinking,” Lotor gritted, “and fuck me like you mean it.”

Sendak didn’t know how Lotor knew that he’d been distracted, but that didn’t matter. He just laughed. “Alright,” he said, “I can do that.”

He grabbed Lotor’s hips with both hands -shocked and awed and hopelessly turned on to discover that his hands almost spanned the entire circumference of his waist - and righting himself entirely.

For a moment, he simply admired the aesthetic beauty of Lotor’s silvery hair flowing over his shoulders, the livid bite-mark on his shoulder, the beads of sweat collecting in the small of his back.

“I’ll ruin you for other men,” Sendak murmured. “You’ll keep coming back for more, but that’s alright. I don’t mind indulging you.” 

With that, he began a hard, fast pace, rougher than he’d meant to be, but Lotor only cried out, clutching at the pillow in front of him, burying his face in it like he meant to muffle the noise, only nothing could have kept him quiet now. 

This might be a marital  _ duty _ , and Lotor might not have been the man Sendak would have chosen for himself, but this duty was one he wouldn’t mind performing, if it was something Lotor demanded of him. 

Gods, he was  _ beautiful _ like this.

Lotor came with a sharp little cry, and only Sendak’s hold on his hips kept him on his knees. A few more thrusts, and Sendak came, too, unable to stop himself when confronted by the feeling of Lotor’s body coming undone around him. 

Sendak guided them down onto the mattress, careful not to crush Lotor, and waited until he got his breath back before pulling out.

Lotor whined softly, grimacing, and Sendak offered him a damp cloth from the warmer.

Lotor shook his head, looking anywhere but at Sendak. “I-“ he began. “I think I’ll get a shower.”

“Alright,” Sendak said, not sure what else to say. What else there was to say right now. 

He wiped himself down perfunctorily and set the cloth aside for the cleaning bots. 

“It’s late,” he said finally, when Lotor made not move to get up. “It’s been a long day.”

Lotor nodded, picking at his claws.

“We should talk,” Sendak said, “but it can wait until morning, so let’s… Let’s get some rest.”

Lotor nodded again, hunching up on himself a little but still not moving.

Sendak sighed internally. “I’m going to sleep now,” he said. “Good night.”

He rolled over and closed his eyes, and just as he was drifting off, he heard it, so softly he thought he might have imagined it: “ _ Good night. _ ” 


	3. Chapter 3

Sendak woke, a little fuzzy-headed, to an empty bed. He checked the timepiece; it wasn’t very late in the morning, but he probably should get up. 

(He liked the indulgence of lazing about in bed, but only when there was someone to laze with. The empty half of the bed was cold and unwelcoming, and it was better to just get up.)

He showered and dressed before going out into the main room.

Breakfast was laid out on a table, a large spread more than big enough for the two of them.

Lotor was curled up on the sofa, tightly wrapped in a too-big robe. Even in his sleep, he seemed tense, and after a moment, Sendak realized he was shivering slightly. 

He retrieved a blanket from the bed and draped it over Lotor carefully, not really wanting to wake him.

(Haxus was a pain in the ass if he was awoken before he was ready, and while he didn’t know Lotor well enough to say if he was the same, why risk it?)

After another moment of thought, Sendak bumped the thermostat up a few notches. Lotor was small and completely furless; it was no wonder he was cold.

Sendak ate while quietly looking through reports and making plans.

He’d known about the marriage for a few weeks, but he hadn’t known that Zarkon was going to give him  _ all _ of Lotor’s holdings  _ and _ his title, and therefore he hadn’t accounted for that. 

Lotor had been exiled some years ago, but he’d retained nominal ownership of several planets and territories that traditionally belonged to the eldest child of the Emperor or Empress. 

He apparently had not had any access to the money that came from them, and those holdings had remained mostly untouched since his exile. 

Not that it really mattered; those holdings had belonged to the Empire since long before this period of expansion, and were populated pretty much by Galra and whatever native non-sentient life forms they contained. As such, there had been no rebellions, and they had flourished even without Imperial oversight.

Now, they belonged to Sendak. The holdings were wealthy, compared to most -especially Sendak’s own holdings, along the expansion edge, which produced little but quintessence and slaves- and all of that money was now Sendak’s to decide how to spend.

It was a princely sum, several million GAC. More than Sendak really knew what to do with. 

One of the planets on the list had shipyards -renowned shipyards, in facts -and perhaps…

Haxus would help him with the numbers, but…

Everything was coming together nicely. 

A soft groan came from the direction of the sofa, and he looked to see Lotor pushing himself upright, clutching both the robe and the blanket around himself.

“Good morning,” Sendak said politely. He didn’t know where things stood between the two of them. 

He didn’t regret last night, but…

Maybe Lotor did. Maybe he recollection of it was different. Maybe he thought Sendak had…

“Good morning,” Lotor said, just as neutrally. He came over to the table and casually sat in the chair across from Sendak.

If Sendak hadn’t been trained to study his opponents on and off the battlefield, he probably wouldn’t have noticed the way Lotor kept his gaze on him, the tenseness in his posture -as if he were ready to bolt at any moment -the utter falsehood of his informal coolness. 

But he did, and it was clear that Lotor was ...wary. Afraid, even. 

Sendak pretended to go back to the reports on his tablet, but he was really keeping an eye on Lotor, curious and eager for another opportunity to learn something about his new husband. 

Lotor carefully filled his own plate, avoiding the communal plates that Sendak hadn’t taken from. 

A precaution against poison, Sendak assumed, but that only raised more questions: did Lotor have experience with people trying to poison him? If so, who? When?  _ Why? _

“We should talk,” Sendak said finally, after giving Lotor a few minutes to eat in peace.

One of Lotor’s ears -the left one -flicked, just once. “Should we?”

Sendak shrugged. “Probably. We will have to live together for the foreseeable future.”

Lotor picked at his food, like his appetite had vanished. “I suppose we will,” he said finally. Softly. 

“I know this isn’t ideal,” Sendak said. “I- I’m sorry, for what your father did to you.”

“De facto disowning me is the kindest thing he’s ever done to me,” Lotor said. “So I don’t care.”

Lotor was brittle, sharp, like a glass dagger, and he obviously did care. Sendak wasn’t going to argue with him, though. Not right now.

“Still,” he said, “you probably don’t want to be stuck with me.”

“Who wouldn’t want to be forever bound to you? I’m sure you’ve had more than your fair share of suitors. You are… handsome, I suppose. I ought to consider myself lucky, landing such an attractive mate.”

There was bitterness in his voice, and he didn’t look anywhere but at the plate in front of him. 

“You don’t,” Sendak said.

“Of course I don’t! I didn’t particularly want to be married, and I especially didn’t want to be married to some Imperial brute!” 

And now they were getting somewhere. “One day,” Sendak said slowly, carefully, studying Lotor to gauge his reaction, “when I am the Emperor, I will annul our marriage, if that’s what you want.”

Lotor glanced up at him, eyes wide. “ _ When _ ?” He breathed.

”If you still want it,” Sendak said. “I’m told I’m quite charming.”

Lotor shook his head in disbelief, clearly disregarding that last statement. “You are a fool if you think you can just- If my father could be- What  _ ambition- _ “

“My parents died when I was very young,” Sendak said. “All I had for a long time was my ambition, and this is how far it’s gotten me.”

Lotor was silent for a long time, stirring food around on his plate. “I can’t help you,” he said finally. “If I were implicated in a plot against my father, he  _ would _ kill me. He just needs an excuse.”

“You’ve helped more than enough as it is,” Sendak said. “All you have to do is be patient.”

“Patience is something I have in abundance,” Lotor said wryly. And then his face fell. “It seems it’s all I have, now.”

“Lotor-“

“Please don’t,” Lotor said, closing off again. “I don’t want your pity.”

“Alright,” Sendak said. Some part of him wanted to reach out and comfort him, but he suspected that such a gesture would ill-received. “Then… Let’s discuss the interim. I want you to be happy.”

“Why do you care?” Lotor asked.

“If I make your life miserable,” Sendak said, “I have no doubt you’d find some way to pay me back , possibly fatally. Anyway, it costs me nothing to be kind to you.”

Lotor studied him shrewdly. “I wouldn’t, not while my father is still alive. As I said, he’s looking for any excuse to rid himself of me. He’s probably hoping that you’ll keep me in line. That you’ll -I don’t know -beat me if I act out.”

“I’m not going to beat you,” Sendak said, slightly horrified. Not as horrified as he would have been when he was much younger, but he’d seen things in the military. 

Lotor just scoffed. “How can I possibly know that that’s true?”

“I am a man of my word,” Sendak said. “I will never raise a hand against you, unless you do first, and that would only be to defend myself.”

“I don’t trust you,” Lotor said frankly. 

“I know,” Sendak said. “And you don’t have to. But it is the truth. I won’t hurt you, and I won’t allow anyone else to hurt you either.” 

“Because of your honor,” Lotor said slowly, thoughtfully. “There are ...expectations, regarding your behavior towards me. Lines you cannot overstep, because besides your ambition, you also have your  _ honor _ .” 

“Exactly,” Sendak said. 

Something gleamed in Lotor’s eyes, and Sendak could almost see the gears turning. Perhaps he was figuring out how to turn this to his advantage. 

That was fine; Sendak didn’t mind negotiating with him. 

“I am your husband,” Lotor murmured lowly, almost seductively. “That entitles me to certain things from you.”

“It does,” Sendak said. 

“And if I would like to exercise those privileges,” Lotor asked, “would you indulge me?”

“If that’s what you wanted,” Sendak said, “but I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated.”

“You’re a man,” Lotor said. “Surely you have needs, and as your husband, am I not expected to…?”

“You- you don’t  _ have _ to,” Sendak said, realizing that now was a perfect opportunity to bring up Haxus. Or at least, the best one he was going to get. “I have a lover already.”

Lotor blinked, his only visible reaction. “Oh,” he said softly. “Of course you do.” 

“It’s not that I won’t...perform my duties,” Sendak said quickly. “I just- if you would prefer not to, then-“

“If you think I’m too undesirable for you to fuck again, you can just say so,” Lotor snapped, making to stand.

“That’s not-“ Sendak said, berating himself a little. He hadn’t meant it like that, but he hadn’t really considered how Lotor would take it. “I didn’t mean it that way. I just- I will not  _ force _ you to sleep with me, if you don’t want to. If you do, then that’s different.”

“And how would your lover feel about that?”

He and Haxus had both slept around some early in their relationship, but not recently. Still… “He...won’t be very happy about it,” Sendak said. “But I think he’ll understand, given the circumstances.”

“And,” Lotor said shrewdly, “if I asked you to give up your lover and be faithful to only me, would you?”

Sendak hadn’t expected that. “If that’s what it would take to make you content, then…”

He didn’t want to do that. He hadn’t really thought that Lotor would want to be touched by him at all, much less…

He’d been through so much with Haxus, that not being with him would be…

It would be like losing a limb, or one of his senses. 

“How do I know you wouldn’t sneak around my back?” Lotor asked. “I won’t be made a fool of by my own husband.”

“I am a man of my word,” Sendak said, little irritated that Lotor refused to believe that. “If you ask it of me, then I will be yours, alone. But you’ll have to be mine, too.”

Some measure of tension left Lotor’s shoulders. “I won’t ask that of you,” he said softly. “I am tired of being resented, and I think you would, for that.” 

“Yes,” Sendak said honestly. “I think I would.”

“Then...you will not mind if I take lovers of my own,” Lotor said. “Discreetly, of course.” 

“Do whatever you want. Once we’re back on my ship, you can have your own rooms and...entertain as you will.” 

“When will we be leaving?”

“Later today, I think, unless you need to stay?”

“Why would I need to stay? What do I have left to stay  _ for _ ?” Lotor stood. “Please inform me when you have a departure time.” 

“Of course.”


	4. Chapter 4

Lotor hoped Sendak wouldn’t question his hygiene habits -specifically, that he was taking another shower -but Sendak either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

Which was just as well. He didn’t need Sendak prying into his affairs. He could take care of himself -and had been, for such a long time - and he didn’t need someone watching over him.

He locked himself in the bathroom and numbly disrobed.

He was...angry. He really was, but it was far away. Or maybe he was. 

It had all been so sudden that he really hadn’t been able to process: the marriage, the complete fall from his father’s grace, last night, this morning…

He turned the water on, not caring that it was almost ice-cold at first. He’d had worse during his exile. This didn’t matter. 

For the second time in as many days, he slid down the wall of the shower, one hand pressed to his mouth to stifle any errant sounds he made. The running water probably drowned it all out, but old habits died hard.

He hated that he was so weak that he needed to cry now, again, even after the however-long it’d been last night that he’d spent crying, but…

How else was he supposed to react?

Of course Sendak had a lover.

Of course Sendak didn’t want anything to do with him. 

No one ever did, and Sendak was…

Gods, he was the most attractive man Lotor had ever seen. He could do better than Lotor, and apparently, he already was.

Of course he was.

Not that he would have been Lotor’s first choice, all things considered. He didn’t want to be married, and he didn’t want to be married to a man like Sendak, someone who had his father’s trust, his approval…

What kind of man must he be to have earned that?

But… Last night had been…

Lotor had nothing to compare it to, admittedly, but it had been  _ good _ . Sendak had been...attentive, he’d...cared, like no one else ever had before.

And it had made Lotor think that maybe…

But of course, Sendak didn’t want to. If Lotor called him to his bed, he’d come, but only out of  _ honor _ and  _ obligation _ . He didn’t really desire Lotor; no one did. 

It should have stopped hurting by now. Lotor should be used to it. Everyone else had rejected Lotor and cast him aside; why should it hurt so much that his own unwanted husband did, too?

It shouldn’t.

_ It shouldn’t. _

Lotor picked himself up and washed away the traces of his outburst.

(The hot water -something he’d come to consider a luxury - reminded him of Sendak’s hands on his body, hot and possessive and so big. It reminded him of the ache between his legs, how good it had been to be taken and  _ owned _ like that. He wanted to savor the sensations, because he knew that this first time was also the last, but… the ache in his chest was too recent, too sore, for that right now.)

When he emerged from the bathroom, Sendak was gone. 

Lotor decided that he was happy about that.

There was a small tablet waiting for him on the breakfast table, a scrap of paper with his name written on it tucked away under one corner.

“How thoughtful,” Lotor muttered. 

He, of course, immediately set about disassembling it, searching for bugs hidden inside. 

* * *

Haxus was awoken by the chime to his door.

He considered waiting it out, until whoever was on the other side went away, but then he remembered.

Who else would it be, on a day like today?

He didn’t bother getting dressed -or rather, re-dressed, as he’d fallen asleep in the better part of his formal attire - since it would only be Sendak.

Of course he was right.

“Good morning,” Sendak began, as if he hadn’t-

Haxus pulled him into the room and slammed the button to shut the door behind him. “Shut up,” he hissed. “I don’t want to hear another word out of you unless I ask you a question. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” Sendak said, amused.

Haxus was going to have to wipe that smug look off his face.

“You’re never in this good of a mood unless you’ve fucked someone,” Haxus said. “You fucked him, didn’t you?”

Sendak hesitated, but then nodded. “He wanted me to.”

“So, what, do you fuck every passing whore who asks nicely?”

“He didn’t,” Sendak said. “Ask nicely, that is.”

Well, that was even worse, in Haxus’s opinion; Sendak had a penchant for brats. Not that  _ he _ was a brat, of course. 

“You didn’t have to do it!” Haxus said, trying not to shout. He couldn’t tell if it was working. 

Sendak sighed. “Hax… whether you like it or not, he is my husband. I have...obligations.” 

“I did not ask a question!” He didn’t want to be reminded of that right now. He just wanted… Sendak, to be wholly and forever  _ his _ . 

But he could never have that now. 

He yanked Sendak down for a kiss, more teeth than anything else, fierce and biting and possessive. He wanted Sendak to feel it, he wanted Sendak to know who he really belonged to. 

And… when that brat called Sendak to his bed, Haxus wanted him to know, too. He might be Sendak’s husband, but Sendak wasn’t  _ his _ , not in any way that mattered. 

“You’re mine,” Haxus growled.

“Yes,” Sendak replied. “You know I am.”

“Shut up,” Haxus said. He backed Sendak up against the wall, then made him turn around. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll never forget that.”

Sendak nodded, bracing himself against the wall. “Hax…” 

“You’re not very good at following orders,” Haxus said. He slipped two fingers into Sendak’s mouth.

Sendak sucked on his fingers in an absolutely filthy way, just as Haxus knew he would. 

It only made him harder, as if he hadn’t been hard enough already. 

Sendak had that effect on him. 

No one else had ever made him feel like this before, and maybe that was why he didn’t want to share.

He pulled Sendak’s pants down -apparently, he’d felt it necessary to re-dress completely before coming here, as if he didn’t know Haxus was going to fuck him -just far enough to expose his ass.

This was Haxus’s privilege alone. Sendak had told him that, told him that he didn’t trust anyone else to have him like this, and it meant so much to Haxus.

He bit, hard, at the juncture between Sendak’s neck and shoulder, hard enough to draw blood.

Sendak moaned around his fingers.

“You’re mine,” Haxus repeated. “You’re  _ mine _ .”

Sendak didn’t require preparation, if he was sufficiently turned on (and he certainly was right now), so Haxus didn’t bother with it. He just freed his own cock and pressed in, slowly enough to give Sendak a moment to adjust, but fast enough that he’d feel it later.

And Haxus wanted him to. Everytime Sendak moved, Haxus wanted him to feel it, and remember, and…

Sendak pushed back, not  _ demandingly _ , but proprietarily, like he was just taking what was his.

And he was, because as much as Sendak belonged to him, he also belonged to Sendak. He’d give Sendak whatever he wanted, he’d let Sendak take and take from him…

“I need you,” Haxus whispered. “Don’t leave me. I can’t-“

“I’m here,” Sendak said simply.

“I’m still mad at you,” Haxus said. 

“Then fuck me like it.”

So Haxus did, until they were both panting, until their knees threatened to give out.

Haxus came first, but he reached around and stroked Sendak’s cock until he came, too, the rhythmic pull of his orgasm drawing Haxus’s out almost infinitely. 

They both slid to the floor, and somehow Haxus ended up in Sendak’s lap, legs tangled together.

Sendak nuzzled his neck -claiming him in return, if more subtly - and stroking his side.

“You’re mine,” Haxus said, a little more desperately.

“I am,” Sendak agreed. 

“You can’t leave me.”

“I’m not going to,” Sendak said. “I talked to him, and we’ve come up with an ...agreement.”

“So you can-?”

“Yes, Hax,” Sendak said, his amused little smirk back. “I came here to tell you that.” He nipped the tip of Haxus’s ear. “Not that I didn’t enjoy that, but if you had waited for me to explain-“

“I’m still mad at you,” Haxus said. 

“I’ll make it up to you,” Sendak cooed.

“You better,” Haxus grumbled, but he let Sendak draw him in for another kiss, this one not quite as vicious. 


	5. Chapter 5

Zarkon had seen fit to gift Sendak a brand new ship, in addition to everything else. It was fresh from the shipyards, spotless, state-of-the-art, the most advanced ship in the fleet.

Even Lotor seemed in awe, though his admiration was subdued greatly. 

Haxus was subdued as well, but Sendak knew he’d get an earful later, not that he minded.

Fortunately, the ship did have roughly the same layout as all other Galra warships, and therefore it was easy to find the officers’ quarters.

Sendak had ultimate authority onboard regarding most matters, including boarding arrangements for his officers. 

Therefore… He simply gave Lotor his own quarters. They were next door to Sendak’s, but it was surely better for everyone if they didn’t have to share the same quarters.

Haxus’s quarters were across the hall, as befitted his status as Sendak’s second-in-command. 

The ship only had a crew of less than two dozen Galra officers and technicians; the rest of the complement was filled with Sentries, and therefore the residential area of the ship- which could hold far more soldiers if necessary -would be mostly empty.

It meant the three of them had basically the entire wing to themselves, and even then… Sendak imagined that Haxus would spend most of his nights in Sendak’s bed anyway. 

(He couldn’t just not give Haxus quarters, though. It would be...unseemly, especially since he was now married to a different man entirely. Anyway, Haxus liked having his own personal space.)

It would be for the best if they kept prying eyes out of their affairs. Everyone  _ knew _ , of course, that the marriage wasn’t a love match -an exceedingly rare thing, as far as Galra were concerned -but that didn’t mean that everyone needed to be reminded of that fact constantly. 

Sendak and Haxus settled into the routine of running a ship once more, as easily as breathing -this is what they knew, what they had trained for, what they lived their lives for -inside two weeks, just in time to cross the Empire back to Sendak’s territory in order to put down a rebellion. 

How Lotor occupied his days was of little concern to Sendak; he made himself scarce most of the time, and didn’t cause problems, which, given the circumstances, was the best Sendak could ask for.

* * *

It all went smoothly until midway through putting down the rebellion, in the middle of what was sure to be a decisive battle.

The reactor core of the ship itself began overheating.

That sort of problem was potentially catastrophic, and Sendak set Haxus to finding the problem and fixing it immediately. Haxus was the brightest mind onboard, after all, and he’d studied the ship’s specifications meticulously.

If the reactor core continued overheating, it would explode, and it would destroy not only this ship, but the rest of his fleet as well, in all likelihood. 

In the middle of a battle like this, there were no non-essential personnel for him to evacuate, so he had to hope that Haxus could figure this out in time.

And of course he would; he had absolute faith in him.

“Commander,” Haxus said from his console, “it’s not- it’s not a mechanical or technical problem, as far as I can tell. It looks-“ He stopped himself. 

“What? We don’t have time to-“

“It looks deliberate, Sir,” Haxus said quietly.

No one had come aboard since leaving Central Command, weeks earlier, so by saying this, Haxus was accusing someone on Sendak’s crew -his orderly, well-trained crew -of-

And then…

“Fuck!” Sendak spat. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

He ran to the engine control room, Haxus hot on his heels. 

Lotor stood at the panel, several Sentries laying scattered on the floor. The Head Engineer was slumped -dead or unconscious, Sendak didn’t know -in his seat. Alarms blared, and every panel had flashing warning lights going off, not quite in sync with each other. 

“I’m the only one who can stop this now,” Lotor said coldly. “Kill me, and damn your fleet.”

“What are you doing!” Sendak demanded.

“I’m stopping you,” Lotor said. “I’m not going to just let you destroy another planet like this. If it means I have to kill you and everyone else, then so be it.” 

“You want to negotiate,” Sendak said. Lotor had said he could stop the core from blowing; now Sendak just had to figure out what would get him to do that. “So. Negotiate.”

Lotor finally turned to face him, the too-bright glow of the core behind him illuminating him eerily, and smiled. “Call the fleet off. Leave this colony alone.”

“You ask for too much,” Sendak said.

“Do I? Either way, I get what I want. You can’t conquer anything if you’re dead, now can you, Commander?” 

“Not I,” Sendak said carefully, “but another. You don’t think the Emperor would send another commander, another fleet, to accomplish his will?”

“Maybe this will give the people of this planet time, then,” Lotor began desperately. “Maybe-“

“There is not enough time in the universe for them to prepare for the full might of the Empire. If you want to help them, then- Then help me find a better way.”

Lotor flinched back as if he’d been struck. “I’ve already tried that.” He turned away again, staring into the core, but Sendak could see his reflection in the glass. “Call the fleet off, and I’ll stop this.”

“And then?” Sendak asked warily. Lotor hadn’t repeated his second demand. 

“Then…” Lotor’s shoulders slumped, and he looked truly...anguished in the glass, truly broken. “I will submit myself to your judgement.”

“But you will stop the reaction?” Sendak asked.

Lotor nodded.

“Give the order,” Sendak said, looking over his shoulder at Haxus. “Disengage the fleet.”

Haxus’s mouth twisted, but he nodded. “Yes, Sir,” he said, already typing the orders out as he walked away. 

Lotor typed a command into the console, and the alarms shut off, leaving only a vague ringing in Sendak’s ears. The warning lights began flickering out, one-by-one, as the core returned to its normal level of brightness. 

The engineer groaned, and twitched. So not dead, then.

“Why?” Sendak asked. 

“I- I hate what my father’s influence is doing,” Lotor whispered. “I wanted to stop it. If I could save one people from extinction, then-“ 

He sounded so weary, so tired, like the burden of the whole universe was on him, and him alone.

It struck Sendak just how truly lonely Lotor must be. Sendak at least had Haxus, and he knew every member of his crew by name and face, at the bare minimum. 

“But I failed,” Lotor continued, just as quietly. “You’re right. I was a fool to think that my father would stop if you were dead. He doesn’t care about anyone, not even you, not really. But at least now you have an excuse to get rid of me.”

Lotor let his head fall forward as his shoulders started shaking.

Sendak- 

Sendak was not prepared to deal with that. “Clean yourself up,” he snapped, suddenly too harsh, he knew, but this whole thing was… too weird, too uncomfortable. “Take yourself back to your quarters. I’ll deal with you later.”

Lotor just nodded.

Sendak remembered how he’d been on their wedding night -brittle and sharp and, at the very end, almost sweet -and it was so at odds with this…

“I’m not going to tell your father about this,” Sendak said, less harshly. “I’ll write this off as a system malfunction.”

“What do you want in return?” Lotor rasped. “I have nothing to give you. Nothing that you’d want.”

“I- I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t do something like this again. Now  _ go _ .” 

Lotor just left, drawn in on himself, as if he were trying to disappear. 

Sendak shook his head after he left. 

Gods, this could have been a disaster, if Haxus hadn’t-

It occurred to him that this went against everything that Lotor had said on the morning after their wedding: that Lotor wouldn’t do anything to Sendak, because he knew that either Sendak or Zarkon would have to punish him for that.

But then… the inciting act hadn’t been an attack on Lotor himself. It had been an assault on a colony -one of Sendak’s, not even one that Lotor had once been entitled to - that had caused Lotor to- what?

It hadn’t even really seemed like he’d had a plan, though he obviously knew enough to bypass the many, many safety protocols that prevented such an overload from occurring. 

There was far, far more to Lotor than the facade he presented. 

And if Sendak was going to survive this marriage, he had better find out what was lurking behind that pretty face.

He called for a medical officer to deal with the engineer, and left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This plot point came from literally nowhere so idk man


	6. Chapter 6

Lotor stared at the wall in front of him, wondering if there was a way out of this. 

Sendak had said that he wouldn’t tell Zarkon, that he’d make this go away, but…  _ why? _ Why would he possibly do that, and why should Lotor trust him to keep his word? 

Why had he even attempted something so stupid on the first place? It had been impulsive, reckless, completely rash, and so, so  _ stupid _ . 

Life wasn’t too bad here- better, in many ways, that the deprivations he’d faced during his years of exile -and he’d probably thrown all that away, and for what? Sure, Sendak had called off the attack, but only  _ this _ one. There would be others; there were always rebellions within the Empire, especially along the expansion edge, and people like Sendak were meant to put them down through whatever means necessary. 

He hadn’t accomplished anything. He’d thrown away all the plans he’d made over the past weeks -carefully strategized, nuanced sabotages that would never lead back to him but would eventually cripple Sendak’s fleet entirely -and all for  _ nothing _ . 

All because…

He saw Ven’tar’s face so frequently in his dreams, so vividly, as if she were still alive, as if it hadn’t been years since he’d gotten her killed, along with the rest of her people. She’d put so much of her trust into him, and  _ that _ was how he’d repaid her… 

He couldn’t allow that to happen to anyone else, not if he could do something about it. 

But it would. The Empire’s expansion would continue, uncaring of who it crushed, and countless lives would be lost, because there really was nothing he could do. 

The door slid open, and he quickly wiped his face. 

Sendak just looked at him for a minute, frowning and oddly pensive. 

“You have engineering experience,” he said finally, neutrally.

Lotor blinked. “Yes,” he answered cautiously. He didn’t know where Sendak was going with this, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to know.

“But this act of sabotage was an impulsive decision,” Sendak said . “If you were really committed, you would have fought harder. Victory or death.”

“I’m not as Galra as you,” Lotor sneered.

“You’re Galra enough,” Sendak said. 

(And...no one had ever said  _ that _ before.)

“You didn’t really have a plan,” Sendak continued. “And yet you still managed to bypass every security measure that prevents such an overload. You managed to destroy three Sentries and disable the Head Engineer without setting off any alarms. You’re smart, you’re capable, you’re... _ competent _ . You could have destroyed the entire fleet if you really wanted to. So. Why didn’t you?”

“You were right,” Lotor said quietly. “There will always be another. There’s no point in trying to- Even if I stopped you, my father would just send another in your place.” 

“What would it take for me to get you to use your abilities to help me?”

Lotor was speechless for a long moment, probably gaping like some fool, completely stunned. “I’m  _ not _ going to help you. Why would I ever help you? You’re just some imperial brute, like the rest! Tell my father what I did, I don’t care, but I will never help you.”

“No?” Sendak asked. “Even if it meant you never had to see another planet go up in flames?” 

Lotor froze.

Sendak couldn’t  _ know _ , could he? Those files were heavily classified, the reason for his exile a secret. Zarkon didn’t want anyone to know that there was a better way than his way, and he didn’t want anyone to know about Lotor’s  _ weakness _ . 

“I know about the circumstances surrounding your exile,” Sendak said.

“Get out,” Lotor said. 

“Think about it,” Sendak said. “The goal of war is not to destroy, but simply to win, and if there is a better way to do that, then-“

“Get  _ out _ !” Lotor repeated, more vehemently.

Sendak bowed his head and left.

Lotor curled up as small as he could, trembling, for what felt like hours after Sendak left. This had to be an elaborate trick, some way of -of making him do something that would lead to his execution, or-

But… He’d already done that. He’d sabotaged the ship, the whole fleet, and while nothing had come of it, the act alone…

Maybe Sendak was going to hold that over his head, maybe… 

And yet… the idea that he might be able to create a better way… That he might be able to, even in a small way, make up for all his failures, all his father’s cruelties… 

What choice did he have? 

* * *

Haxus listened to Sendak’s heart slow to its resting rate, idly combing his claws through the fur on his chest. 

They’d both needed each other, after everything had been dealt with: the affirmation that they were both still alive, that the worst hadn’t happened. 

As soon as they’d been able to, they’d come back to Sendak’s quarters (Sendak’s in name, at least; Haxus sent more time here than in his own quarters), and they hadn’t spoken about what had happened.

But now...after…

“You’re not actually going to keep this from Zarkon, are you?” Haxus asked.

“I said I would,” Sendak said.

And sure, Sendak was a man of his word, but  _ surely _ this circumstance was extreme enough… “ _ Why? _ ” 

“How can I earn his trust if I don’t show myself to be trustworthy?” 

Haxus pushed himself up, so he could frown down at Sendak. “Why do you need to earn his  _ trust _ ? Just- go ahead and punish him and get it over with!”

Sendak was silent just a beat too long.

“You’re not going to punish him!?” Haxus said incredulously. “Unbelievable!”

“It wouldn’t help the situation,” Sendak said. “Feeding his hatred will only put all of us at risk: the fleet, this ship,  _ you _ .”

“So what if he hates us! As long as he’s too afraid to act-“

“I need to take you hunting sometime,” Sendak said with a crooked smile. “A frightened, desperate animal is the most dangerous creature in the universe, Hax.” 

“When was the last time you went hunting?” Haxus huffed.

Sendak’s mouth twisted, turning down at one corner. “My mother took me once,” he said.

“Oh,” Haxus said with a long sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago,” Sendak said. “It’s fine.”

It wasn’t, not really. Haxus didn’t remember his parents, and their loss still ached whenever he thought about it. Actually having them taken away like that must have been so…

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” he said, changing the subject back. “I don’t trust him, especially after this.”

“He won’t try something like that again,” Sendak said. “He’s too smart for that. Never makes the same mistake twice.”

“You seem so sure,” Haxus muttered. “You don’t even know him.”

Sendak’s crooked grin returned as he looked at Haxus for a moment, before shaking his head. “You trust me, right?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Then trust me about this.”

“You just like little brats you can boss around,” Haxus huffed.

Sendak tackled him and rolled them over so that Haxus was underneath him. “Must be why I like you so much.”

Haxus squawked, offended, but then Sendak kissed him, stealing his breath and his thoughts. 


	7. Chapter 7

Regardless of Sendak’s apparent permissiveness, Lotor had not expected to go unpunished, and therefore he was not particularly surprised that, when he tried to leave his quarters the next morning, the doors wouldn’t open.

That was fine. He had copies of the schematics for every inch of the ship, and regardless, door mechanisms weren’t exactly going through rapid advancement in the way that, say, weapons’ systems were.

All Galra ships and facilities had doors that operated in more or less the same way, and they were easy enough to hack, if you knew how. 

And Lotor did, of course. 

It was mid morning at this point -he wasn’t naturally an early riser, and he saw no reason to force himself to any sort of schedule (what would be the point? He had nothing to do anyway) -so Sendak and his lieutenant were long gone, likely on the bridge and out of his way. 

He had no idea what he was going to do now.

He’d only left his quarters because he felt that if he’d spent another moment looking at those four walls, he’d scream. Finding the door locked only added to his temptation to leave.

But he hadn’t had a plan. 

There wasn’t much for him to do aboard this ship. Sendak likely intended to keep a closer eye on him now, so that ruled out any sort of sabotage, or anything that might seem like sabotage. This was a warship, so there were no research facilities, and he wasn’t in Sendak’s chain of command, and therefore under no obligation to obey his commands in regards to any military action. 

Not that he would, anyway. He had no desire to help Sendak accomplish the Empire’s goals. 

_ Even if it meant you never had to see another planet go up in flames? _

But Sendak couldn’t possibly mean that. Even if he wasn’t just an Imperial brute like the rest, eager to earn the Emperor’s favor, he’d just use Lotor until he got what he wanted, and then discard him like so much trash.

He’d been so naive before his exile… Sometimes it felt like he’d died with Ven’tar’s planet, and now someone new took his place. Someone tougher, someone darker, someone wiser.

Someone who knew better than to trust anyone. 

And yet… It was such a terribly lonely way to live, so devoid of all joy and affection. What little bit of his spirit that had survived both his childhood and his exile would surely whither and die here if he did nothing.

Was taking a chance on Sendak worth it? 

But what choice did he have?

* * *

Sendak led his troops by example. He never asked his men to do anything he wasn’t willing to do first, and that had earned him their trust. 

They’d follow him wherever he led. 

Getting Lotor to join him would require the same amount of effort, if not more. 

It hadn’t originally been the plan. Lotor had told him, after all, that he couldn’t get involved, that he wasn’t willing to help. But that was back before Lotor had played his hand so recklessly. 

He’d inadvertently shown Sendak the sharp mind hiding behind that pretty face, and now there was no going back. 

He knew that Lotor wasn’t likely to trust him, and that was fine. Sendak could earn that trust, just as he’d turned Haxus from an angry, hurting, reckless orphan to a competent and capable Second. 

All it took was time and investment.

The first step would be proving to Lotor that he was serious. 

To that end, he set the flagship on a course for Anzade, a planet deep within the territories he’d inherited from Lotor in the marriage. 

It had come under Galra control during the reign of Vrig the Great, in one of the earliest off-world expansions of the Empire, and was the home of some of the largest and most advanced shipyards in the known universe. 

Lotor’s file was sparsely filled, but Sendak did know that he was more than proficient in engineering and piloting; perhaps he’d even enjoy this excursion. 

He ran into Lotor around midday and decided then would be the best time to inform him of the change in plans.

Lotor looked startled and defensive, but why should he be? He wasn’t anywhere near the areas Sendak had revoked his access to. As far as Sendak could tell, he hadn’t been doing anything wrong. 

He decided to ignore that. “I’ve had the ship change course to Anzade,” he said. “Have you ever been?”

Lotor’s mouth twisted. “No,” he said, drawing himself up, making himself seem more confident and less like a child caught doing something they shouldn't have been doing. “I haven’t had occasion to.”

“Well, it might be a good time to get anything you might need,” Sendak said. “Anything that isn’t standard military equipment. Non-essentials tend to be delayed, so it would be easiest to pick up anything you need or want while we’re out of the war zone.”

“I have no funds,” Lotor said icily. “I live by your generosity,  _ my lord husband _ .”

...How had Sendak overlooked that? 

It was something easily rectified, though. He pulled out his tablet, and went to his personal financials. “How much is required to maintain your lifestyle?”

“My- my  _ lifestyle _ ?” Lotor sputtered. “I don’t- I’m not some sort of pampered princeling! You can’t just-“

“It’s only fair, though, isn’t it? You should get something out of this arrangement, even if it is only monetary.” 

Lotor stopped, for just a second, and Sendak could practically see the gears turning. “This is not a loan,” he said. “You won’t expect me to repay you.”

“No,” Sendak said. 

“And what I do with the money is completely up to me?”

“It’s your money,” Sendak said. “Blow it all on illicit drugs and prostitutes for all I care. Just practice a little discretion; I have a reputation to maintain.” 

“I’ll accept whatever you deign to give me,” Lotor said haughtily, as if he were doing Sendak a favor.

Sendak set up a monthly transfer of funds from his personal income directly to Lotor’s account -a more than princely sum, if he was being honest, and probably too much. The amount wasn’t really an issue, though; Sendak made far more than he knew what to do with anyway. 

“Let me know if that’s insufficient,” Sendak said. 

And then he realized… This section of the ship was pretty much empty. There weren’t any secure areas, but there wasn’t really anything else, either. 

“Were you looking for something?” Sendak asked.

“No,” Lotor said, and then… something  _ softened _ . “I’m… I need something to do.”

“Oh,” Sendak said. “There’s a training deck, near the officers’ quarters.”

“I know,” Lotor said. “I might…” He shook his head. “I should let you get back to work.” He turned away, as if to leave, then stopped, facing away from Sendak. “And...thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Sendak said, but Lotor was already walking away. 


	8. Chapter 8

Lotor waited until later to check his account. He didn’t really expect Sendak to give him more than a pittance, a few scraps thrown his way now and then, and that was hardly worth his time. 

So when he did actually get around to it, he was speechless and glad he was alone, so no one could witness his shock.

His account had been completely empty -Zarkon had confiscated the few GAC he’d had remaining when he was recalled from exile - but now there were three million GAC in it, with a notation indicating a recurring monthly deposit of half a million GAC.

It was a small fortune, more money than he’d ever had access to before. 

(Sure, he’d had entitlements as a prince, but he’d never really been allowed to draw from them, and while he was exiled, all the money he’d had had been earned himself, and there had only been so much he was willing to sell.) 

But the three million couldn’t be backpay; he’d only been married to Sendak for not quite two months. So why-?

There was a notation attached to the deposit, so he read it: 

_ This is only a small portion of what I owe you for your cooperation, and nothing in the face of the degradation and humiliation you have, unfortunately, suffered at my unwilling hands. Perhaps, with enough time, I might be able to repay you fully. _

Lotor, despite himself, flushed. 

Something about this exchange was so...intimate. Sendak wrote like a lover might, almost -not that Lotor would know with any certainty -and he could so clearly see the smug little smile he might wear, if he said such a thing to Lotor’s face. 

Lotor could not readily put a numerical value to the degradation and humiliation Sendak had referenced -what compensation was he owed for being forcibly married, for having everything he owned taken from him, for fearing the violation of his very self? -but his mind strayed to other ways Sendak might “repay him fully.”

Sendak was exceeding his expectations in every way imaginable. He was actually...not  _ kind _ , exactly, but not cruel, and really, that was the closest Lotor had ever known of kindness.

He’d been so good to him on their wedding night, for all that Lotor had tried to goad him into giving him a reason to hate him. 

And now he was being so generous, when he didn’t have to be, when he could have given Lotor next-to-nothing, and Lotor would have still been grateful for it, because it was  _ something _ , at least. 

He’d never had so much before, and it was  _ his _ to spend as he wanted, no strings attached and no expectation to pay it back. 

He couldn’t imagine the life he could have had in exile with three million GAC. He could have lived like a king  _ -like a god  _ -with that kind of money. He never would have had to ration what little food he could find. He never would have had to spend all his time worrying about where he’d sleep and where his next meal would come from and if he’d be alive in the morning.

He could have been safe, and free, and maybe even happy.

And Sendak just gave it to him, like it was nothing, like it had been an oversight on his part that he hadn’t given it to him yet. 

Lotor shoved his tablet off to one side, trying to will his thoughts to something  _ -anything _ -else. But…

Had anyone ever given him this kind of consideration before? Even if Sendak’s interest in him was temporary and superficial, it was still more interest than anyone else had ever shown him.

It was…

It-

Lotor could feel the opening of his sheath becoming slick, could feel his cock hardening. It wasn’t hard enough yet to unsheathe, but it wouldn’t take much. 

He palmed his sheathe. A quick self-pleasure, and he could move on. He wasn’t attracted to Sendak, and Sendak wasn’t attracted to him, and anyway, Sendak had a lover, and even if Sendak didn’t, he’d never want someone like Lotor, and Lotor could never want someone like him.

So. He’d masturbate to take the edge off -it had been a while, anyway -and then he could forget about it. 

He resolutely did not think about Sendak while he coaxed his cock into unsheathing. He did not think about how big and warm Sendak’s hands were, how full he’d been when Sendak had fucked him. He definitely didn’t think about how Sendak had called him “beautiful”, so casually and easily, like he hadn’t really meant to say it. 

When it became clear that simply stroking himself off wasn’t going to work, he dipped his fingers into his sheath, gathering up his slick, before pressing those fingers to his rim. 

Of all the ways Lotor had imagined losing his virginity, the wedding night had not been one of them, but now that it had happened… Given the circumstances of his life, he supposed he couldn’t have hoped for a better scenario. Sendak had been surprisingly good to him; not very gentle, perhaps, but Lotor didn’t think he could have handled gentleness. Not then.

He hadn’t wanted to cry in front of Sendak.

He gasped as he pressed the first two fingers into himself. They were nowhere near big as he remembered Sendak’s being, but they’d do for now. 

He quickly added a third -he wanted to be full, as full as he’d been that night, if he could manage it- and started moving his fingers roughly, harshly, making his knees tremble, making his voice grow hoarse.

It was good, but his imagination made it better. 

He imagined:

_ Sendak kneeling between his thighs, fingers thrusting in and out of him, roughly pressing against the spots that made him see stars. _

_ _ _ Sendak holding his legs open, refusing to let Lotor hide himself. _

_ _ _ Sendak crooning softly, despite how rough he was being with Lotor: “That’s it, baby… you’re so beautiful, you’re doing so well… let me see you come.”  _

And of course he did, all over himself, and he wished that maybe it had taken just a little longer, because now…

His cock softened and retreated back into its sheath, as if it was just as ashamed by this as Lotor was. 

_ What was he even doing?  _

* * *

Haxus was pissed that the little princeling had managed to escape from his quarters, but there was really nothing he could do about it. Sendak didn’t seem to care that Lotor had basically free range of the ship, even after what happened. 

Haxus just wanted to keep Lotor out of the way, where he couldn’t fuck up anything else, but apparently Sendak was just...ignoring it.

Probably blinded by his lust. He’d always had a thing for pretty little brats, tiny slim things he could overpower if they let him. 

That was fine with Haxus -the lust part, anyway -because they’d both slept around before while they were in a relationship with each other. It was fine; they always ended up in the same bed, and that was the important part.

But it was different now. 

Gods, Sendak was married to this brat, and sure, maybe it wasn’t something Sendak had chosen for himself, but regardless…  _ He was still married to someone that wasn’t Haxus _ . 

In all honesty… Haxus wasn’t sure this was something he could get past, despite their history together. He hadn’t exactly been in a hurry to marry -Sendak or anyone else -but he’d assumed that when the time was right…

And now it never would be. Sendak was already married, and if he wanted another spouse, he’d have to get permission from Lotor first, and that was about as likely as an even-tempered weblum. 

And there really was nothing Haxus could do, other than plaster on a neutral expression whenever he had to be around the “happy couple” during their public appearances.

Like now, touring the shipyards of Anzade. 

Lotor was outwardly cold towards everyone, most of the time, but now, he’d seemed to thaw somewhat, looking around at the facilities like an awed, excited child -as discreetly as he could manage, of course.

But Haxus was watching Sendak, and Sendak’s entire focus was on Lotor, and the wonder in his eyes.

Something burned in Haxus’s chest, and he was big enough to admit that it was  _ jealousy _ . 

He’d never been jealous like this before -Sendak had always made it clear how he felt about the others in comparison to Haxus -and maybe he had no reason to feel jealous of this  _ brat _ , but-

When Sendak looked at him like that, how could he help it?


	9. Chapter 9

This visit to Anzade coincided with their season of plenty -the time of year when the herds of wild game swelled like the rivers with the seasonal rains, and hunting was good -and therefore Sendak had invited him to the festival.

Lotor had no idea what one did during a festival. The only feast he could remember being invited to was the one held for his wedding, and he only half-remembered it, due to the sheer quantity of alcohol he’d consumed. 

Besides, what he did remember was almost...funerary in tone. Surely this -a celebration of the temporary end of hardship -would be more  _ joyous _ .

(Of course the people of Anzade would never starve. They had the shipyards to fund their economy, and were therefore an important facet of the Empire. But the festival was an old thing, from before.) 

Still, Lotor didn’t even know what to wear to such an event. 

It was not that he particularly wanted to go, only the planet did belong to Sendak now, and the governor had invited him and his new husband to the festivities, and it would be rude to refuse to go, so… 

He didn’t have many outfits to choose from, and ultimately settled on something understated, almost drab; he was more than used to avoiding drawing attention to himself, and was most comfortable like that. Sendak would be the center of attention, anyway, as an important commander, as a new prince. 

(It was strange that Lotor felt so bitter at the loss of a title he’d never wanted nor used in the first place.)

He expected some sort of boring meeting with the governor, where everyone talked a lot but no one really said anything, but to his surprise, Sendak just led him from their ship to the festival itself.

It was a sort of tent city, set up well away from the actual capital, which was visible in the distance. 

The people were primarily Galra, of course -this was deep in the heart of the Empire, after all, part of the Empire since well before this wave of expansion -but they were… not like the Galra Lotor knew. They weren’t the soldiers, the warlords…

They were just people. 

The tent city was like a marketplace -similar to ones that Lotor had visited thousands of times during his exile -but less… scummy. He didn’t feel as if someone was going to rob him every time he turned around.

The atmosphere was so... _ friendly _ . Welcoming. People were smiling and chatting happily and there were children -clean and well-fed and laughing - running around and-

All this time, he’d never thought that the Galra could have something like this. 

“Are you hungry?” Sendak asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Lotor shrugged. “If you’re going to eat, I might as well.”

Sendak looked at him contemplatively and seemed about to say something, but finally he shook his head. “I’ve never been here during the festival,” he said, “but I’ve heard that there are any number of delicacies to try.”

Lotor shrugged again, and let Sendak decide what to eat and where.

It would have been difficult for Lotor to decide anyway; he’d never had money for more than the very plainest of rations, so his choices in exile had been limited. He had no idea what he might like, and no concept of food being...enjoyable.

Eating was something one did to survive, like breathing, and there was nothing more to it than that.

Sendak clearly had different thoughts about it; he led Lotor around for a few minutes, studying the offerings of various vendors with interest, before settling on purchasing two plates -one for each of them -with a variety of different meats. 

It smelled so incredibly good that Lotor’s mouth began watering. 

He barely restrained himself from digging in until Sendak led them to a table nearby, and even then… He tried to maintain his dignity, but the first morsel of meat on his tongue -hot and juicy and tender and rich -had him moaning in pure, carnal delight.

He heard Sendak chuckle, but he really couldn’t be bothered to care. He tried eating slowly, in order to savor each bite, but somehow his plate emptied faster than he thought possible.

“Hungry?” Sendak asked mildly.

Lotor flushed and wiped his face, looking away. (Wishing there was more.)

“It is good,” Sendak agreed. “Rations get old after a while.” 

There were still morsels on his plate, and if Lotor timed it right…

Sendak caught his wrist. “If you’re still hungry, I can get you another plate,” he said, half-amused, half-irritated. 

“I’m fine,” Lotor said sulkily. He wasn’t hungry anymore- he wasn’t sure he could eat another bite, honestly -but… It had been the best thing Lotor had ever eaten. 

Sendak finished up and stood. “You can go wander around, if you want,” he said. “I had my eye on a few things, but we could meet up here later, when you’re ready to go.”

Lotor frowned. “You trust me to not just… run off?” It seemed at-odds with the locked door of his quarters, the way Sendak had kept one eye on him all evening. 

“I’d have to go after you,” Sendak said, “and that would embarrass us both, I think. Besides… I haven’t made things too terrible for you, have I?”

It would be embarrassing to have Sendak drag him back, kicking and screaming, from wherever he managed to run off to, and… Things really weren’t so bad, living in Sendak’s ship. The locked doors were more of a minor annoyance, than anything else.

And he was...safe, and well-fed, and he didn’t have to worry about anything. 

It was the least stressful situation he’d ever been in, if he was being honest. 

“No,” he said finally. “How long-?”

“No more than an hour,” Sendak said. “But I can wait, if you want more time. I know...there isn’t much for you to do onboard the ship.”

Lotor shrugged. 

* * *

Lotor returned to the table some time later -over an hour, but not more than two, probably -with a few bags containing his purchases, and a potted plant cradled in one arm.

Sendak was already there, and Lotor blushed at the sight of the black and pink bag nestled among Sendak’s other purchases.

Lotor had a bag with the same motif, from an...adult novelty shop.

He wondered what Sendak had bought.

Was it for his mysterious lover? Lotor didn’t know who it was, and he didn’t care. But…

Sendak must have noticed him staring. “It’s a little hypocritical of you to judge me, considering,” he drawled, nodding towards Lotor’s own bag.

“For your lover?” Lotor asked acidly. “Or can’t you get any?” 

“I would ask the same of you, except I know you don’t have a lover.”

“I don’t have  _ a _ lover,” Lotor agreed. “I’m fucking your entire crew.”

“So that’s supplies, then?” Sendak asked. “I don’t need them catching anything.”

“Fuck you,” Lotor said. 

“If you want,  _ husband _ .”

Lotor flushed, and he quickly changed the subject. “I thought your lieutenant was going to accompany us?”

“He’s… He decided against it,” Sendak said, his ear twitching irritably. “Festivals aren’t his thing.”

“Oh,” Lotor said. And then: “It’s a nice night. It’s a shame he missed it.” 

“I had a good time,” Sendak said, with an easy smile. 

There was something infectious about… all of it: Sendak being in a good mood, the festive atmosphere, the very concept of purchasing things for himself that he  _ wanted _ rather than  _ needed _ . 

“So did I,” Lotor said, returning Sendak’s smile. 


	10. Chapter 10

Haxus watched Sendak escort the little brat back to his quarters from further down the hallway.

Sendak had invited him on the excursion to the festival, but the thought of having to trail behind him and the brat all night while they pretended to be happily married made Haxus’s stomach turn. 

He knew he wouldn’t have been able to keep himself from strangling the brat, so he’d stayed behind, stewing in his own jealousy. 

They said a long, lingering farewell, like new lovers in the first stage of courting, and honestly-

Honestly Haxus would have marched over there and defended his claim on Sendak if it had gone on even a second longer, but fortunately he didn’t have to: Lotor turned away, and the door slid shut behind him.

Sendak remained looking at the door for a second, lost in thought.

Haxus made his approach.

Sendak began turning, heading to his own quarters, except that Haxus used the opportunity to slam his back against the door, hard enough that it temporarily robbed Sendak of his breath. 

“Hax-“ Sendak managed, before Haxus’s mouth was on his, smothering whatever Sendak had been about to say.

Haxus kicked aside the bags Sendak had dropped in his surprise, giving himself the room he’d need. 

“Shut up,” Haxus snarled. He wedged a leg between Sendak’s thighs, forcing his knees apart. Predictably, Sendak was hard already.

He tried, foolishly, to wrest control of the situation away from Haxus, but Haxus wasn’t having that. Not now, not tonight. Sendak was  _ his _ , to do with as he liked, and Sendak (and everyone else) would just have to deal with that. 

It was easy to use Sendak’s own momentum against him, and finally Haxus had him exactly where he wanted him: pressed face-first into the brat’s door, arm wrenched behind his back, feet kicked apart enough that he was off-balance and unable to free himself.

“Missed me?” Sendak asked cockily.

Haxus bit his ear, hard, adding to the sickly-sweet blood leftover in his mouth from their kissing. (Well, ‘kissing’ wasn’t the right word. Maybe ‘mauling’ would be better.) 

Sendak grunted in pain and pleasure. “Hax-“

“Yes,” Haxus hissed, suddenly loving the way his name sounded on Sendak’s tongue. “ _ Yes _ .” 

“Mm...fuck, Hax, you’re really worked up tonight, aren’t you?” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Haxus said. “You don’t get to do that when this is all your fault.”

“My fault?” Sendak asked. “Maybe I like you jealous.”

Oh, Haxus would show him. He slapped the side of Sendak’s outer thigh, hard enough to sting, hard enough to shut him up. “I don’t want to hear another word out of you unless it’s  _ ‘more, Haxus, please’ _ ,” he growled. 

Sendak grunted in surprise, but he didn’t say anything, just pressed his ass up against Haxus’s groin as much as he could without falling over. 

“Wanton hussy,” Haxus snarled. He used his claws to slash away at Sendak’s trousers -not uniform, but very nice - enough to expose his ass, which was all that Haxus really needed right now. “What, do I not give you enough attention? Is that why you flirt with him, take him out on little dates, spoil him?”

“I wasn’t  _ flirting _ ,” Sendak said, sounding a little offended. 

“Gods, you’re so used to giving orders that you can’t take them,” Haxus spat, hooking two fingers into Sendak’s mouth, leaving him unable to speak, but also unable to contain the sounds of his pleasure as Haxus pushed in.

Haxus was too riled up to take it slow, and too mad to be gentle, but Sendak obviously didn’t mind. Haxus could smell his arousal, and he knew the front of Sendak’s trousers were soaked already. 

_ So predictable.  _

Haxus fucked him as hard as he physically could, leaving livid bite marks all over Sendak’s shoulder and neck, reminders of who he belonged to. 

Sendak was never especially quiet during sex, but now, he was  _ loud _ , unable to silence himself with Haxus’s fingers preventing him from shutting his mouth. 

It didn’t last long, not that Haxus expected it to. They rarely had large amounts of time to just laze about in bed as it was, so sometimes these fast, spontaneous sessions were the only way they could have each other anyway. Regardless, Haxus was too worked up to go on forever, and he knew Sendak well enough to push all his buttons.

Sendak came first, followed immediately by Haxus, who just barely managed to hold them both up. He’d never admit it, but his knees felt like goo, and maybe, he might have gone a little hard on Sendak, but…

“Shit,” Sendak muttered. “Are these quarters soundproofed?”

“Yes,” Haxus lied. 

“You really couldn’t wait any longer?” Sendak asked, pushing himself -and consequently Haxus -away from the door. “Brat.”

Haxus huffed, offended. “You needed to be reminded that you’re mine.”

“I am,” Sendak said. “But you are a brat. I should put you over my knee for this.”

“ _ Sendak! _ ”

“And I would, if I weren’t so tired. Gods, Hax, I’m going to feel this for-“

“Good,” Haxus said, pulling Sendak’s chin down for a kiss. He could still taste blood, but this kiss was sweeter, less harsh, than the ones that came before. “I want you to feel it.”

Sendak rolled his eyes as he bent to pick up his shopping bags. “I got you a gift,” he said, “but now you’ll have to wait to see it.” 

Haxus crossed his arms, definitely not pouting. “Did you get anything for your  _ husband _ ?” He hissed. 

“That’s not your concern right now,” Sendak said. “Come on, it’s late. We’ll talk about your jealousy in the morning.” 

It wasn’t the answer Haxus wanted to hear. 

-

Lotor slept poorly. 

Sendak apparently having sex with someone right outside his door was-

It seemed impolite, to say the least, and horribly inappropriate. 

Lotor had thought that maybe… Maybe things had been going well. He wouldn’t consider Sendak a friend -he’d never had friends -but maybe there was some mutual respect there. 

For Sendak to shove this relationship in his face like this was so…

So he was upset about it, and yet… 

Sendak hadn’t been so loud, so enthusiastic on their wedding night, and Lotor hadn’t expected him to be, but…

He had known that Sendak had a lover -Sendak had told him -and presumably that lover had been with Sendak a while, and surely they knew what Sendak liked, how to please him.

And it was so… disheartening, to know for sure now that Sendak hadn’t really been that into it, into him. That he was just...going through the motions, as it were. 

Sure, Lotor probably hadn’t been very good, but it had been his first time, and surely Sendak could have- could have done  _ something _ , put in a little more effort, at least pretended to be into it. 

He’d tried to ignore the goings-on outside his door, but it had been very difficult. It was undeniably erotic. He could just imagine Sendak’s face as he cried out. 

He didn’t know who Sendak’s lover was, so it was easier to imagine himself in their place, but-

Somehow, despite his arousal, touching himself seemed wrong. Only a reminder that Sendak wasn’t his, and would never be. This was temporary, until his usefulness came to an end. 

And then he would be free to pursue relationships elsewhere, out of everyone’s watchful eyes.

Only… he found he wasn’t sure he wanted anyone else. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains assault/attempted sexual assault, not between Lotor and Sendak and/or Haxus.

It was a terrible idea.

A terrible, stupid idea.

Maybe the worst idea Lotor had ever had. 

But…

He couldn’t think of what else to do. He was bored, he was...alone (he wouldn’t admit, to anyone that he was  _ lonely _ , but-), he was envious.

But what he really wanted was so far out of his reach that he knew he shouldn’t -couldn’t -pursue it. 

So. 

For all that he’d never really had a use for seduction, it wasn’t particularly difficult. He knew that he had a specific aesthetic that some Galra, while they would never openly admit to it, found...enticing. 

He knew it was a fetish, and had no problem exploiting the proclivities of others, as long as he got something out of it, too.

There was a limited pool of crewmen for him to draw on, now that they were back onboard the ship and leaving Anzade’s orbit, and it took only a few days for him to settle on the most promising target.

He didn’t bother learning the under-lieutenant’s name; he didn’t particularly care. It wasn’t about the under-lieutenant, after all. It was about the way the under-lieutenant’s eyes followed him sometimes, when they passed in the halls. It was about his height, and the breadth of his shoulders, and the well-kept crest of dark fur that ran underneath the collar of his uniform.

And- It wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong, though he still felt guilty when he let the under-lieutenant into his quarters. Sendak had agreed to let him take lovers, if he wished, just as he had his own lover. It was only fair, and-

And Lotor wasn’t going to do something as-  _ objectionable _ as fucking his lover against his husband’s door, as making a fool of him. As inflicting this awful, poisonous envy. 

It was just… He did like the purchase he’d made at the festival. But… As thick and filling and long as the artificial phallus was, not being touched and held by another person rendered the experience lacking. 

So.

Here he was. 

He’d chosen to wear little to this encounter -just a thin robe, because what was the point of more? -but now… Faced with the proximity of the under-lieutenant, his true mass, up close…

He felt laid bare already, too vulnerable, but he couldn’t just stop. Not now. 

Why couldn’t he have what Sendak had? 

Stopping now meant that Sendak won,  _ again _ , and right now, he couldn’t take that. 

“Come in,” Lotor said curtly.

The under-lieutenant did, but then said, “I don’t take orders from half-breeds.”

“I am your prince,” Lotor hissed, almost automatically, realizing as he said it-

“You’re nothing,” the under-lieutenant sneered. In four quick strides, he crossed the threshold of the bedroom, dragging Lotor along with him.

It was- 

Something dark woke in his belly, a forbidden pleasure. It was dangerous to be so aroused by this -the under-lieutenant handled him like he was nothing but a wisp of wind -and yet… It was good, too, something he didn’t know he wanted until he had it. 

The under-lieutenant shoved him down onto the bed, caging him in with a well-placed knee, while the under-lieutenant freed himself from the confines of his uniform.

He was nowhere near Sendak’s size, but perhaps Sendak was just...particularly well-endowed. Still… Lotor could never ask Sendak for this, so he’d have to make do with what he was allowed. 

The under-lieutenant untied the belt of Lotor’s robe, exposing him.

“Slut,” the under-lieutenant hissed, “waiting for me is this flimsy little thing.”

Lotor flushed, grateful that the under-lieutenant couldn’t see it, and just spread his legs further, hoping that he’d get the hint and get on with it. 

“You’re pretty enough,” the under-lieutenant mused, his hand tight on Lotor’s jaw as he turned his head from side-to-side. “Maybe it’ll make up for what a loose whore you must be.”

And then he smiled, and every alarm went off in Lotor’s head. There was something wrong here, and some instinct was trying to warn him. He had to-

The under-lieutenant’s hands were suddenly on his throat, pressing down. It was shocking, ice-water to the face, and Lotor struggled, trying to get the hands off his throat, trying to free himself, wondering when he’d lost control of the situation and if he could get it back.

He couldn’t breathe, and his vision was starting to blur and darken. He had no idea how far the under-lieutenant meant to take this -until Lotor passed out? Until he was dead? -so he had to do something before he couldn’t do anything at all.

There was a panic button on the wall, near the bed, and fortunately, he was just able to reach it and press it; the alarm emitted a shrill tone, and the under-lieutenant jerked back.

“Get out,” Lotor hissed with as much venom as possible. It hurt to speak, to breathe, and yet those first few heaving breaths felt so sweet… “ _ Get out! _ ” 

The under-lieutenant hesitated for just a moment before he fled.

Lotor drew the robe back around himself -a medical officer would be here soon, and perhaps a member of the command staff, and he wanted the remnants of his dignity intact -and let his head fall back onto the pillow. 

_ What was he fucking doing? _

* * *

Sendak got the alert while he was in a conference call with the Emperor and other important commanders, and he couldn’t just leave, or even see what the emergency was.

But it did, eventually, end.

He almost ran to the officers’ deck.

It wasn’t that Lotor was involved, but someone on his ship had been attacked by a member of his own crew, and that- He couldn’t allow that to pass, regardless of who was involved.

He’d be this concerned no matter who it was.

The chief medical officer was just leaving as Sendak got there.

“Sir,” he said.

“How is he?” Sendak asked.

“He will be fine, in time,” the officer said. “He’ll be talking again in about a week, if everything goes well-“

“ _ Talking _ again? What the fuck happened?” 

The officer looked surprised. “Lieutenant Haxus said he already sent the report to you, Sir.” 

Sendak hadn’t actually checked- he’d been too preoccupied with getting here to check - but… “I want your account of it,” he said.

“It appears that your husband was manually strangled with sufficient force to cause significant damage to the cartilage and bones of his throat, specifically the hyoid, which is fractured. He will not require surgery, and should make a full recovery in about a week.” The officer paused. “He is refusing pain medication, though, and it is a painful injury. If you could talk to him, Sir?”

“I doubt I could convince him of anything,” Sendak said absently. Someone had tried to strangle Lotor?  _ Why?  _ “Can I see him?”

“Sir,” the officer began uncertainly, “there is one more thing…”

“What?” Sendak asked, feeling as he had when he first found out about this. “What is it?”

“Given the degree of other damage incurred, the hyoid should not have fractured this dramatically. In my opinion, it was weakened by a prolonged period of chronic malnutrition. Your husband may have future complications if it’s not corrected as soon as possible.” 

“I understand,” Sendak said, trying to hide how dumbfounded he was. Lotor didn’t  _ look _ like he’d been starved. 

But… He did  _ act _ like it, sometimes. The meal they shared at the festival was the strongest example: the way he’d eaten so quickly that Sendak was sure he’d be sick, the way he’d eyed Sendak’s plate…

“I need a copy of my husband’s medical files,” Sendak said. They were separate from personnel files, and he hadn’t seen them before, but now he realized he was missing another facet of Lotor. 

“I… can’t do that, Sir,” the officer said. 

“I am your commander,” Sendak said, “and I am your prince. You can and you  _ will _ .” 

The officer gave in after a moment of Sendak’s intense, stern gaze. “As you say, Sir.” He left, presumably to prepare the files, and Sendak continued to the bedroom.

He’d never been in Lotor’s quarters before; Lotor hadn’t invited him in, and that was fine; Sendak hadn’t expected him to. 

The quarters were pretty similar to his: same size, same layout, just mirrored.

The potted plant Lotor had gotten at the festival was perched on a little shelf, a thin flower stalk beginning to grow out from the midst of its large, broad leaves. 

Lotor was in bed, an IV hanging from one of the bedposts He’d been resting or dozing with his eyes closed, but he flinched back when Sendak entered the room.

Livid black bruises covered his throat; the hands that had put them there were so large in comparison that they spanned the whole of it, from collar bones to chin.

The sight made Sendak inexplicably angry. 

“What happened?” He asked.

Lotor, willfully, turned his head away, blatantly ignoring him.

“What happened?” Sendak demanded. “Who did this to you?”

Still Lotor ignored him.

“Why are you defending whoever did this to you?” Sendak shouted, while trying not to shout. “I can’t have members of my crew attacking people on my ship without cause!”

Something about that had Lotor… not relaxing, because Sendak wasn’t sure he ever relaxed, but he seemed less tense, all of a sudden. He reached for the tablet and stylus on the nightstand and wrote something. 

He handed it to Sendak, and it took Sendak a long moment to decipher it; Lotor’s handwriting was atrocious. 

_ It’s not your business.  _

“Of course it’s my business! You could have  _ died! _ ” 

_ I didn’t think you cared, Commander. _

_ _ And… Sendak did care, maybe not for Lotor, not personally, but he couldn't have his new husband die on his ship under mysterious circumstances. Nor could he have his crew so undisciplined and out-of-control. “You were hurt on my watch,” Sendak said. “If nothing else, I have a duty to you, and to your wellbeing. That is what I swore to you, and I am a man of my word.”

Something shifted, something almost profound, and Lotor wrote:  _ I know _ . 

“But you won’t tell me what happened,” Sendak said.

_ I was looking for something I needed. _

_ _ Sendak sighed; of course Lotor gave him a cryptic answer. “Did you find it, at least?”

There was a long, long pause, and then:  _ No _ . 


	12. Chapter 12

Sendak visited almost constantly. Whenever Lotor turned around, it seemed that he was there with some excuse for visiting, and Lotor could never figure out  _ why _ .

No one had ever cared what happened to him before; why should Sendak start to care now?

He hated the pity in Sendak’s eyes. He didn’t want pity, or anything else from Sendak. He wanted to be left alone, to wallow in self-recrimination. 

Finally, after Lotor’s week of silence was almost up, he seemed to get it, and he only stopped by briefly, in the morning, when Lotor was barely awake.

Probably on his way to the bridge to do whatever his duties as Commander were. Whatever; it didn’t matter.

“When you are well enough,” Sendak began, “I would like to spend some time with you on the training deck.”

It was something Lotor had considered, too. It had been a long time since he’d had to physically defend himself against someone so much bigger than he was, and he hadn’t been prepared for it. He was out of practice, and if he was meant to live within the Empire, then…

_ Are you implying I cannot take care of myself?  _ He wrote.

“You obviously can’t,” Sendak said. It wasn’t said meanly, rather, as a statement of fact. “I won’t always be here to protect you.”

Lotor wanted to scream at him: for implying that Sendak had done anything to protect him, for implying that it was his job, for implying that Lotor even needed protecting in the first place. 

He didn’t. 

Because… as much as it hurt, Sendak was right. He hadn’t even managed to feed himself well enough while he was in exile. If someone had wanted to take advantage of him, he doubted he would have been able to stop them.

If he hadn’t been in arm’s-reach of the alarm, he’d be dead right now. 

He set the tablet aside, to avoid his impulse to throw it at Sendak’s head. 

And finally… He nodded, just once. 

“Good,” Sendak said. “Let me know when you’re ready.” He paused.

Lotor looked up at him, really  _ looked _ at him for the first time.

Sendak seemed… tired. Weary. 

He was still handsome, though. Lotor imagined that there was very little that could ever change that. Even a facial scar or two would only make him look more dangerous, more distinguished. 

Gods, he really did have terrible taste in men, didn’t he?

“You- must be bored,” Sendak said. “You said you were bored, before, and- Well. I thought you might- Do you read?”

Lotor wanted to laugh at him, but he was too…  _ afraid _ of where Sendak was going. He only nodded hesitantly. 

“Stupid question,” Sendak muttered, mostly to himself. Louder: “I brought you a book, to borrow. I thought you might like to- You don’t have to, of course, I just-“

Lotor realized suddenly that he was horribly, terribly  _ embarrassed _ . But why? 

He held up a hand, to stop Sendak’s rambling, then held out his other hand, to take the book from Sendak.

It was  _ The Epic of Daldak _ . 

It had been Lotor’s favorite, when he was a child and Dayak had been teaching him to read. He still had passages memorized. 

It was the story of Daldak, a real, if mythicized, figure from Galra history, from before the Unification…

It was also, at its core, a romance. The modern wedding vows came from the passages about Daldak and his lover, and their devotion for each other.

Had Sendak considered any of that? Had he even read it? 

“Sorry if it’s kind of worn,” Sendak said. “I’ve… read it a lot. It’s one of my favorites. I thought you might like it.”

Lotor just stared at the cover for a long time. He didn’t know what had happened to his copy, but it had been worn, too, by the time he was exiled. 

He knew he should let his throat rest longer, but he couldn’t help himself: “Thank you,” he whispered.

Sendak smiled, and nodded, and left. 

Lotor stared after him, thoughtfully picking at his claws. 

It seemed there was more to Sendak than he’d originally thought. 

* * *

It was the third time Haxus had pulled him into a supply closet that morning alone, and while Sendak wasn’t opposed, exactly, a man could only take so much of this.

He gently pushed Haxus away. “This has to stop,” he said.

Haxus pouted. “Don’t you want me?”

“Of course,” Sendak said. “But not a half-dozen times a day. It is... _ excessive _ .”

Haxus’s scowl deepened, and he crossed his arms. “What, so you’ll spend all your time with your little brat of a husband, but you can’t-“

“Haxus,” Sendak said firmly. “Leave him out of this. I do want to spend time with you! I just- I want you for more than sex, you know. We haven’t really talked in…”

“Because if you aren’t on duty or sleeping, you’re spending time with him! What am I left with?” 

“That’s unfair,” Sendak said. 

“Is it? I was here first! I do so much more for you than he does! Why do you care about him so much?”

“I don’t,” Sendak said. “Nowhere near as much as I care about you. And this isn’t about him. You’re just jealous.”

Haxus gasped like Sendak had slapped him. “Fuck you,” he spat. “I don’t need you. You think you’re such a catch? Go fuck yourself.”

“Fine,” Sendak said. “You can sleep in your own bed tonight.”

“I will!”

“Good!” Sendak stormed out of the supply closet before Haxus could get another word in. 


	13. Chapter 13

About a week after Lotor had been medically cleared, he sent a message to Sendak, asking if he was free.

Now that Haxus wasn’t pulling him into random supply closets every two hours, Sendak had a great deal of free time, so of course he replied that he was.

In all of this excess free time, Sendak had managed to finally look through Lotor’s medical files.

There was so much more there than in his personnel files, even despite the gap between when he’d turned twenty-five and this last bout of medical care, a gap of some three hundred years, give or take. 

As far as Sendak knew, Lotor hadn’t been exiled for years after he’d become an adult, and there were yearly physicals and screening that should have been in his files; their absence suggested that Lotor had refused medical care.

But why? 

Sendak started at the beginning. 

No exact birthdate was listed for him, which was not surprising; most children born around that time lacked one, due to the sheer amount of chaos in the wake of Daibazaal’s destruction. 

Lotor had been born with a number of congenital abnormalities, some benign and some that required surgery and other treatment. He’d been practically raised by doctors until he was five or so, undergoing numerous surgeries that must have been painful and difficult for a child to endure.

The details of the surgery Lotor had needed to remove what was left of his non-functional nictitating membranes made Sendak queasy. 

After that, there were mentions of a governess in the files, and Sendak supposed Lotor had been in her care. Most of the congenital defects had been corrected, and the files became sparser.

Still more than most, though, but the reason for his visits changed:

Various injuries that, if they weren’t so common, Sendak would assume they were accidents. They were written about like accidents, as if Lotor were merely the clumsiest child in existence.

Sendak had seen the way Lotor, as an adult, moved, how he walked, and he knew that that couldn’t possibly be the case.

The abuse or bullying or outright assault was never explicitly stated. The doctors writing these reports skirted around the issue, but it didn’t matter.

Sendak  _ knew _ that Lotor had been horrifically mistreated by the others in his cohort. He had been small for his age -and was still smaller than the average Galra - and was only half-Galra, more than enough ammunition for the cruelty of children.

(Haxus had been small, too, despite being full Galra, and had been bullied until Sendak stood up for him. Until Sendak taught him how to stand up for himself.)

Over time, the reports of injuries became fewer and farther between, though every annual physical turned up healed fractures and scarring that couldn’t be accounted for.

Until the reports stopped the year Lotor turned twenty-five, when he became a full adult and could refuse his physicals.

The most recent set of reports -the ones his own ship’s medic had written -turned up even more old injuries.

It made Sendak angry, that he should have had to go through so much pain and suffering in his life.

(It made Sendak angry to realize that this was what Haxus’s files would look like, if Sendak hadn’t been there.)

Why hadn’t anyone stopped this? Everyone would have been able to see it, but no one had done a thing. Not even Zarkon, Lotor’s own father. 

...Had no one ever actually cared about Lotor? Even as a child?

* * *

Sendak had mostly managed to clear his head by the time he met Lotor on the training deck. He was still angry if he thought about it too hard, but if he kept his mind off it, he’d be fine.

He was fine. He was a normal amount of angry, given Lotor’s past. 

Lotor was already there, dressed in training clothes that fit a little too well. 

Sendak very resolutely did not stare. This was for Lotor’s own good, not his own gratification. 

“I know you had some training,” Sendak began.

Lotor’s mouth twisted with the reminder that Sendak had read his files. “Yes, of course I did,” Lotor said calmly. 

“With what?” Sendak asked. “Hand-to-hand? Swordsmanship? Marksmanship?”

“I am-  _ I was _ -proficient in all three, though if given the choice… the sword is my weapon. I’m also a proficient pilot.”

Lotor’s files said that that was an understatement. 

“I have no piloting experience,” Sendak said, “and that’s not why we’re here today. Let’s start with hand-to-hand. I suspect that might be more useful if you are attacked again unexpectedly.”

Lotor raised an eyebrow, even as he adjusted his stance. It was good, providing him a sturdy base, while still allowing him to move when he needed to. “Are you implying that you expect me to be attacked again? By your own crew?”

“No,” Sendak said, throwing a punch, which Lotor easily ducked. “But anything could happen. You won’t always have a sword on you, after all.”

Lotor threw a punch of his own -too slowly, and without the ease of practice -before retreating back, out of the way. 

He left several openings that Sendak could have taken advantage of, but today was not about winning; it was about gauging Lotor’s current ability level to see what he needed work on, and what Sendak could skip over. 

“As you know,” Lotor drawled, “I am not to be armed at all, on my father’s orders.”

“What sort of man would I be if I left my husband so completely defenseless?” Sendak asked. He attacked again, this time feinting first; Lotor picked up on that, and launched his own counterattack -a bold move, as Sendak had the size advantage.

Still, he hadn’t been expecting that -he’d expected Lotor to fight more defensively, but he now he realized that Lotor was studying him just as much as he was studying Lotor. 

_ Good _ . Knowing your enemy was one of the most important rules of combat of any sort. 

Lotor’s counterattack didn’t work, but if he’d been a little faster, a little neater… It would have. It absolutely would have.

“You would do that?” Lotor asked. 

“If you’re going to insist on allowing dangerous men into your quarters, I’m afraid I’ll have to,” Sendak said, with a mock sigh.

Lotor’s lips twitched up in the ghost of a smile. It was not the first time Sendak had seen him smile, but it still caught him off guard, still made him freeze just a little.

Lotor struck, hard and fast, ruthlessly taking advantage of Sendak’s lapse.

He was clearly out of practice, rusty and unconditioned, so Sendak ended up on top when they hit the floor. 

Lotor  _ froze _ , his eyes falling shut and his ears drooping as his whole body went limp.

He made a small, kittenish sound, and it was so…

Sendak couldn’t stop himself from imagining what Lotor would look like underneath him in a different circumstance, and it was so highly inappropriate -he was here to teach Lotor how to fend off attackers, not become one of them -so he jerked away.

Lotor scrambled away, too, as if he knew what Sendak had been thinking. “I have to go,” he said abruptly, tersely, already rushing out of the room.

Sendak could only stare after him, wondering how much he’d fucked up. 


	14. Chapter 14

Haxus stewed for weeks. 

Obviously there wasn’t really anything he could do. Sendak was fairly permissive about a lot of things (or at least, he had been, when they were in a relationship), but now...given the circumstances, what could he do? Sendak could have him sent off to some hell-hole of a backwater post to rot.

The difference in their ranks had never bothered Haxus before, but Sendak had so much power over him now, and Haxus had no guarantee that he wouldn’t use it. 

This couldn’t be the end of everything, though. It couldn’t end like this. They’d been inseparable since they’d met as children in their training programs, when Sendak was the only one looking out for him.

Sendak had been his everything for such a long time, and it hurt to see him without being able to be with him, like before.

It hurt even more when he saw the royal brat talking with him, both of them looking happy, chatting about whatever as they passed in the halls.

Haxus wondered if Sendak was fucking him yet. They’d only fucked once, on the night of the wedding, as far as Haxus knew, but it had been  _ weeks _ and Sendak…

Well. Sendak had his appetites. 

Really, the brat was basically perfect for him: slim and pretty and damaged, exactly Sendak’s type. 

No wonder it hurt so much.

Haxus went to the training deck, hoping to wear himself out enough for him to actually sleep. 

It was already in use.

He was half-expecting Sendak, which would have been bad enough -they hadn’t spoken more than absolutely necessary since their argument -but it was the little brat instead.

Of course.

For some reason, the sight of the brat working through the training program with relative ease -not perfectly, but better than Haxus would have expected -made Haxus’s blood boil.

Wasn’t enough that he’d stolen Sendak? Why did he have to choose  _ now _ to be on the training deck? He never used to use it, but now-

“Get out,” Haxus snapped.

The brat finished the program, and turned, frowning. “I’m not done.”

“Yes, you are,” Haxus gritted. “Now get out!”

The brat’s eyes narrowed. “Make me.”

And well… All Haxus had really wanted was an  _ excuse _ . 

He didn’t think, he just acted, and somehow they ended up on the floor, fighting like children, and it was…

Gods, it was embarrassing, but so, so satisfying. 

The brat wasn’t afraid of fighting dirty, which was just as well, since Haxus wasn’t either. He’d been a late bloomer, not reaching his adult size until after his peers, so he’d had to use every underhanded trick he could. 

Unfortunately, those tricks didn’t work so well on someone who was smaller than him, and for a brief moment, Haxus was afraid he’d lose.

He didn’t, but it was closer than he would have liked, and he was out-of-breath by the time he had Lotor pinned.

“Sendak isn’t yours,” he hissed. “You don’t know him like I do.”

The brat didn’t say anything for a long time. “Oh,” he said. “It’s you.” And then he laughed nastily. “What Commander isn’t fucking their Lieutenant?” 

He used Haxus’s brief moment of confusion to turn the tables on him, managing to free himself, and stood. “It looks like he isn’t yours, either.”

And then he left.

Haxus pulled himself to his feet and stared down at the bulge in his pants. “This is all your fault,” he said. 

* * *

Lotor had taken to doing some training on his own time, without Sendak, just so he wouldn’t embarrass himself by freezing again. 

And… It was good. He’d forgotten how good he felt after a long training session, pleasantly sore and warm, blood running hot. 

He hadn’t expected Sendak’s Lieutenant to barge in on him, nor had he realized that Sendak’s lover (erstwhile lover, it seemed) was also his Lieutenant.

He shouldn’t be so surprised; it was practically a cliche.

And he certainly couldn’t have predicted how he’d felt during their fight, and after. 

He hadn’t been afraid.

Being around Sendak made him afraid -though that feeling was lessening, and it wasn’t a fear of being hurt, exactly; just a fear he couldn’t name -but even though the Lieutenant clearly disliked him, Lotor hadn’t felt like he was in danger.

It had been nothing like his attempt at having a sexual encounter with the under-lieutenant. He hadn’t been in control, but neither had he been so obviously out of his depth. 

And now, after, in the privacy of his quarters…

He shouldn’t.

If he imagined Sendak, at least he had the excuse that Sendak was his husband, and he was entitled to certain things from him, and the use of his visage while Lotor pleasured himself was perhaps the least intrusive way of-

The fight hadn’t even been sexual. Lotor shouldn’t feel like this afterwards. He didn’t even win (though, unlike the fights of his youth, he’d walked away practically unscathed). 

It was just… 

It had felt so good -something he knew was a feature of his Galra heritage -and…

It wasn’t like he was imposing himself on anyone. No one would have to know about this, and therefore no one could find fault with his actions. 

He could just… get himself off, and then put it all behind him. 

He was a sexually mature adult, and as such, he had needs, but as long as he didn’t involve anyone else, then how he handled them was his business alone.

No one needed to know. 

Not Sendak, and especially not the Lieutenant.

(And, anyway, this was safer than any other alternative.)

So…

He reached for his lube and the toy he’d bought at the festival. He was quite familiar with it now -most of his sparring sessions with Sendak ended with him needing to get off -and it took almost no time at all to work himself open enough to take it. 

He turned over onto his stomach, grinding his cock against the sheets, moaning softly at the sensation of feeling full like this. 

(It would be so much better with a warm body pressed against his back -pinning him down - but he couldn’t have that. They weren’t his. They would have each other, and he would be left with nothing, as always.)

So this would have to do. It would have to be enough. No one could take his imagination from him. So what if he imagined sharp claws digging into his skin, fangs biting into his shoulder, a cock pounding into roughly until he came, and after?

(So what if he imagined being held by someone who cared for him, who loved him, who would tell him that he was special, and loved, and cherished?)

It was only after, still panting from his orgasm, did the self-recrimination start.

_What the fuck was wrong with him?_


	15. Chapter 15

Lotor wasn’t sure how it had happened, but suddenly he was spending significant portions of Sendak’s workday at his side.

(His Lieutenant made himself scarce, except when absolutely necessary, which was for the best, because the sight of him alone made Lotor flush.) 

Lotor wasn’t stupid; he knew that Sendak was trying to win him over. Sendak had already revealed so much to him -he’d basically admitted to planning a coup, for fuck’s sake -and all it would take was one word from Lotor to bring it all crashing down.

Lotor wouldn’t even have to tell Zarkon. He’d just have the start the rumor, and once the barest whiff of sedition reached Zarkon, then Sendak’s every move would be scrutinized, and  _ something _ would be found. Some reason or excuse or…

And of course Sendak didn’t really trust him to not do that. So the money, the training -those were just ways for Sendak to endear himself to Lotor. An exchange for Lotor’s silence.

Besides, in keeping Lotor by his side most of the day, he limited Lotor’s opportunities to sabotage something. 

Not that he would. Not again. The first time had been an impulsive mistake. Sendak could have been merciless in his punishment, and while he hadn’t been, Lotor couldn’t keep betting on his continued clemency.

Anyway… Surely Sendak’s plan would work better than any small sabotage Lotor might plan. 

He meant to depose Zarkon. That required resources and allies, two things Sendak had that Lotor didn’t. 

The trip to Anzade… He was building up his fleet, and the fleets of his allies, those commanders who would stand with him when the time came. 

It might work. 

It might not. 

Either way… Lotor would be free of this marriage. If Sendak won, they could annul the marriage (something Zarkon would never allow while he was alive), and if he lost… Well. A dead husband was less troublesome. 

The thing was… the more Lotor thought about it, the less he wanted Sendak to lose. 

Lotor didn’t know what his motivations were, besides perhaps raw ambition, but he’d spoken of making things better than they were now. Of ending the conquest and constant war. 

Surely things would be better with Zarkon gone, regardless of who ended up being Emperor. And… Sendak seemed so genuine, so... _ compassionate _ , in a way that most people Lotor had met weren’t. 

Maybe he was actually a good person, and if not… He was still better than Zarkon. 

An error message coming from a workstation broke Lotor out of his thoughts. 

The officer working just closed the message and went on with his work, ignoring it completely.

Lotor frowned, and he asked Sendak about it.

Sendak nodded. “One of the systems has been acting up lately, but it’s not a big deal.” 

“Are you sure?”

Sendak shrugged. “One of the technicians looked into it, and she said it probably wasn’t worth the time to go through and figure out what was going on, since it seemed harmless enough.”

“Could I look into it?” Lotor asked. “It’s not as if I have anything better to do.” 

Sendak hesitated, for just a second. “If that’s what you want,” he said. “I’m not sure you’ll find anything, though.”

“Well, maybe I can at least stop the error messages.”

Sendak inclined his head and led Lotor over to an empty terminal. He quickly entered his account details -too quickly for Lotor to memorize -and then got out of the way. “There, now you have access to the ship’s system.” He paused, fixing Lotor in place with a firm stare. “I think it goes without saying -but I’m going to say it anyway - that if you do something you shouldn’t, I won’t be able to ignore it again.”

“I won’t,” Lotor whispered. “I promise.”

Sendak studied him for another long moment, but whatever he saw in Lotor’s face made him nod and step away. “Good. Let me know if there’s anything you need.”

* * *

It ended up taking Lotor several days to find the root of the problem, but it was the sort of project he enjoyed immensely: engaging and without obvious answers.

As Sendak had said, it wasn’t actually a big deal- at least, not yet. There had been an error in the coding that offset the alignment of the control rods for the engines’ reactors by mere fractions of a degree, such a small amount that the diagnostic programs couldn’t measure the difference, and thus couldn’t detect a problem.

But given enough time, the control rods would be so far out of alignment that they began hitting the sides of their assemblies, and that would damage the entire system, and eventually lead to catastrophic failure.

He dutifully wrote up his findings for Sendak, overly proud of himself for finding and fixing the problem. After all… It had been so long since he’d been allowed to muck around like this.

He was practically giddy when he went down to the training deck to burn off his excess energy.

He was...unsurprised to see the Lieutenant there, and his presence did nothing to kill Lotor’s good mood. 

After all, Lotor did want to get physical with someone -to enjoy the sheer physicality of his body, the adrenaline pumping through him, the way the world seemed a little brighter -and fighting was…  _ safer _ than fucking. Emotionally, anyway. 

The Lieutenant was a good choice. They’d sparred several times since that first encounter, and unlike Sendak, the Lieutenant didn’t hold anything back.

Sendak’s lessons were a good thing, but this was far rawer and more satisfying any lesson could ever be. 

Haxus finally noticed him. “You’re in a good mood today.”

Lotor hummed noncommittally; he didn’t want to share his accomplishment, only to have the Lieutenant find fault with it. 

“You find someone to fuck you?” Haxus continued, taking a swig from his water pouch. “I’d say it was Sendak, but I know you wouldn’t be walking so easily.” 

“It’s none of your business,” Lotor said.

Haxus shrugged. “It’s for the best. Wouldn’t do to get attached. You know he’s just using you, right?”

Lotor did know that. He knew it in his bones, from the moment he’d been told that he was going to marry him. He just- It hurt to hear it out loud.

He swung a wild punch that Haxus easily dodged, which only made Lotor angrier. 

It was hard to say why he was so angry: he knew Sendak was just keeping him “happy” so that he wouldn’t tell Zarkon anything. So that Sendak could keep using the money and property that were rightfully Lotor’s without Lotor throwing a fit. He knew that Sendak didn’t, and would never, care for him. Not in any way that mattered.

“Fuck you,” Lotor hissed. 

“He’ll get tired of you eventually,” Haxus said. “You’re just lucky he decided to indulge you a little bit first.”

“He needs me more than he will ever need you,” Lotor snapped, somehow managing to take Haxus down to the floor.

Hurt flashed across Haxus’s eyes, but what he angrily gritted out was: “You little brat, he doesn’t need you. He already has what he needs from you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” He punched Lotor in the belly -they both had the sense to avoid leaving visible marks on each other, or that punch would have been aimed directly at Lotor’s face - knocking Lotor’s breath away. “No one needs you.” 

With that, he left, long before Lotor could summon the breath to speak, or the words to say.

There was nothing to say, anyway. Not when Haxus was so completely right.

* * *

Lotor hadn’t come to their sessions for a few days, and had made himself scarce in general, so Sendak went to his quarters to check on him.

Lotor was curled up on the couch, tapping his fingers restlessly on the cover of Sendak’s copy of  _ The Epic of Daldak _ . 

“Have you been well?” Sendak asked. “I haven’t seen you around.”

“I’m fine,” Lotor said with a wan, fake smile. “I’ve just been… reading.” 

“Oh,” Sendak said. He did want to believe that Lotor hadn’t purposely blown him off, so he didn’t ask any further. “And have you enjoyed  _ Daldak _ ?”

Lotor’s smile changed into something a little more real. “It’s like...coming home to an old friend,” he said quietly. He paused, then continued: “ _ Daldak _ was my favorite when I was younger.”

“Oh,” Sendak said. “I hadn’t realized you had read it before.”

“I had a classical education,” Lotor said. “I still have whole passages memorized. But it was very...nice, to be able to read it again.”

Now was his chance; he’d had another purpose in coming here today. “Lotor, I- We’re- I happen to have two tickets to a showing of the opera, and I was wondering… Perhaps you would like to accompany me?”

The drumming abruptly stopped. “You want to take me to see  _ Daldak _ ?”

“I bought the tickets right after it was announced, and I had almost forgotten- Long before we were- I mean-“ He had intended to take Haxus, but-

Daldak was a romance, and was considered to be the source of Galra wedding vows. He’d meant to, maybe, propose…

But of course, all that was in the past now.

“I thought maybe we could go together, as two...friends, with a mutual interest,” he finally got out. He knew his face was hot, feverishly so. (He’d never felt so uncomfortable in front of Haxus, or anyone else for that matter.) 

Lotor looked completely baffled for a long, long moment. “Isn’t there someone you’d rather go with?” He asked finally, looking away.

“You are my husband,” Sendak said. “It would be good for us to appear in public like this.”

“Yes, of course,” Lotor said. “Of course it would.”

“And- I thought you might enjoy it. I hear the cast is very good. And I have very good seats. A private box with a clear view of the stage. If you’d rather not, though, then-“

“And have you waste your tickets?” Lotor asked, the ghost of a smile gracing his lips. “If you’ll have me, I’ll gladly go with you. As a friend who shares a mutual interest.” 

Sendak returned his smile, for some reason pleased that he had managed to turn Lotor’s dour mood around. 


	16. Chapter 16

The opera was still a few weeks out, so Sendak mostly managed to not think about it too much, lest he overthink something. Obviously, it meant nothing, and what would, in other circumstances, be a romantic evening out simply wasn’t, and that was all there was to it. 

Rather, he turned his thoughts to other things: his grand ambitions, making and tending his tenuous alliances with other Commanders, careful to couch his missives in language that would not implicate him if something came to light.

Now that he was a Prince -Zarkon’s heir -it was easier. He was in a position to promise more. 

Zarkon was not loved, only feared. It would be better for everyone if someone else sat on the throne.

Sendak wanted it to be him, and most of the Commanders he courted didn’t. That didn’t matter; that question would be answered at the Kral Zera. 

_ If _ it ever came. 

It might come sooner than Sendak had ever imagined. 

It was just… when he’d allowed himself to imagine that future -the one where he was victorious, where he sat on the throne -he’d always imagined that Haxus would be by his side, where he’d always been.

* * *

Haxus was restless, but he couldn’t bear the thought of going to the training deck and maybe running into Lotor again. Of yelling vitriolic things that he really meant about himself. Of fighting Lotor as if he was fighting himself.

It was late, and he should be sleeping, but… 

Sendak had always helped him when he couldn’t sleep. Usually by fucking him, but sometimes just by... _ reading _ out loud, combing his fingers through his crest until Haxus drifted off…

He stood angrily, frustrated beyond reason. He needed to get his mind off Sendak. 

He needed to be fucked. He hadn’t been with anyone since his argument with Sendak, and that had been… Gods, almost two months ago. 

No wonder he was so wound up.

His options were somewhat limited, since they were out in space right now. There were less than two dozen crew members, and half of them were women. 

That left him with ten or so to choose from, and honestly… He didn’t really want any of them. 

He sighed, and pulled out his comms. Under-lieutenant Dhan wasn’t his first choice, exactly, but the few times Haxus had fucked him, it had been pleasurable enough. Dhan had some strange preferences, but honestly, it  _ was _ difficult to think when you had a hand on your throat, and not thinking was-

Haxus’s fingers froze. 

He’d assumed that Lotor had been attacked out of malice. Surely there were people out there who wanted him dead, after all, and doors were easy enough to hack without leaving a trace, if you knew how.

The lack of security footage from entire deck, starting  _ before _ the attack, had made Haxus think it was an intruder, an unwanted guest, that the attack had been planned, and Lotor’s refusal to answer questions about it had made it difficult to ascertain what had really happened.

But what if the encounter had started consensually? What if the reason there was no sign of forced entry was because Lotor had let his attacker in, maybe even invited him there in the first place? 

Everyone on the crew knew of Dhan’s predilections, and knew that sex with him usually meant he’d try to satisfy those urges.

But how would Lotor have known? He mostly kept to himself, didn’t really talk to anyone except Sendak, and it wouldn’t have occurred to Sendak to warn him.

Whenever new crew members came aboard, Haxus made sure to take them aside and warn them, because Dhan often didn’t, and-

And while Dhan hadn’t seriously harmed anyone, as far as Haxus knew, Lotor was significantly smaller than the average Galra, and Dhan could be...aggressive. 

Haxus marched across the hall to Lotor’s room and burst in. “You moron! You could have died!” 

Lotor set his book aside. “I didn’t know that you cared, Lieutenant.”

“Shut the fuck up! Do you know how dangerous it was to let a stranger in your rooms like that?”

Lotor’s ears quivered in anger and humiliation. “It’s none of your business,” he hissed. “Get out.”

“Don’t you understand? He could have killed you! Why won’t you tell Sendak what happened?”

Lotor grimaced and looked away. “Because it doesn’t matter. You said it yourself: no one needs me, so what difference does it make if I die or not? It’s my fault anyway. You’re right: it was stupid and dangerous. I just- I’ve never had someone like Sendak in my life, and I wanted...“

Haxus got the distinct that Lotor had said more than he meant to.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to say what I said.”

“Yes, you did,” Lotor said sharply. “You meant every word, but that’s fine. You’re the one who’s jealous, not me. How pathetic must you be to be jealous of  _ me _ , of all people?” 

Haxus flushed, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. He  _ was _ jealous, and he  _ was _ pathetic for it.

“Get out,” Lotor said. “Just...leave me alone, alright? I’m tired.”

Haxus, suddenly struck by how exhausted Lotor looked, how small and vulnerable, did the only thing he could: he left. 

* * *

Sendak woke early to the sound of knocking on the main door of his quarters. 

He threw on a robe and answered it.

It was Haxus, which was strange, because they hadn’t spoken anywhere but the bridge in weeks.

“Can I come in?” He asked, which was also strange, and uncomfortable, like he was an acquaintance and not… 

“Of course,” Sendak said, stepping aside to let Haxus in.

He sat down in the armchair and gestured for Haxus to sit, too. Haxus remained standing.

“Sir,” he began. “I’ve done some further investigation, and I believe that it was Under-lieutenant Dhan that attacked your husband.”

Haxus spoke so  _ neutrally _ , like they were nothing more than Commander and Lieutenant, and it was...a knife to the heart. 

“Haxus…” Sendak began.

“I’ve also written up my report,” Haxus said. “I’ve also sent you my transfer request.”

“Transfer request?” Sendak demanded. “”Haxus-“

“I can’t stay here,” Haxus said quietly, staring at the wall behind Sendak’s head. “Not anymore.”

“Haxus…” Sendak started. 

“I’ll expect a new posting within the week,” Haxus said sharply, turning on his heel and practically running out of the room.

Sendak followed him, because- of course he did. Haxus was- He couldn’t let Haxus go, not after everything they’d been through together.

“Haxus!” He reached for Haxus’s arm, then thought better of it, letting his hand linger in the space between them.

“Just let me go,” Haxus whispered. “Please. I can’t stay here anymore. I can’t watch you fall in love with someone else while you forget me-“

“I haven’t forgotten about you,” Sendak said. “I could never forget about you. And I- I’m not-“

Haxus spun around to face him. “You are!” he accused. “It’s obvious to me, even if you both are too dense to realize what’s happening! And I hate it. And I want to hate you, but I can’t, so I- I need to leave.”

“Haxus,” Sendak said, approaching carefully, cupping Haxus’s cheek with one hand. Haxus leaned into the touch despite himself, his eyes fluttering shut. “Haxus- I love you.” 

Haxus jerked away in shock.

They’d never said those words to each other; there had never been a need to, Sendak thought. The way he felt for Haxus was so obvious to him.

But apparently it hadn’t been for Haxus.

“I love you,” Sendak repeated. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I should have. I should have made sure an hour never went by where you doubted that.”

“But you- you love him,” Haxus said, aghast. “You’re falling in love with him, and he’s your husband, and I’m just-“

“No,” Sendak said firmly. “I’ve loved you for a long, long time, Hax. We’ve been through too much for me to just- forget about that. I will always love you. Always, no matter what.”

“You pushed me away!” Haxus shouted. “And then you ignored me for two months! What was I supposed to think, asshole?”

“I’m sorry,” Sendak said. “I just- I’m sorry. I wanted to give you some space to get used to everything. Obviously that wasn’t what you needed.”

“Obviously not, you moron! Everything’s changed, and we had to rearrange our lives to deal with  _ this _ , and I- Why would you still want me?”

“Because I love you, and I want you here, and-“

“There isn’t room for me here,” Haxus said, sadly but decisively. “So I should go. Something had to give, and maybe it’s for the best that it’s me.”

“It’s not,” Sendak insisted. He grabbed Haxus’s hands and dropped to his knees in front of him. He wasn’t above begging, not for something as important as this. “I don’t know how, but I will make this work, I swear. I need you by my side, Hax. Please don’t go.”

“You love him,” Haxus said. “I won’t be your-  _ your mistress _ , some plaything to have fun with when he sends you away. I won’t do it.”

“I would never ask you to do that,” Sendak said. “I would never ask anyone to do that.” He looked up at Haxus, pleading with his eyes. “Especially not you. I respect you too much.”

There was a flash of terrible indecision in Haxus’s eyes, his logical side warring with what he really wanted. What he needed. “I love you too much to watch as you abandon me for another man,” he said finally. “It would be a slow, torturous death for me.”

“I’m not abandoning you,” Sendak said. “Not for Lotor or anyone else. Even if I was falling for him, I have enough love for both of you. I can love you the way you need to be loved, and I always will. Please, Haxus… Please stay.” 

Haxus sighed, almost fondly, and reached down to stroke Sendak’s ear. “I want to believe you, more than anything.”

“Then stay,” Sendak begged. 

Haxus sighed again, this time in defeat. “How can I say no to you?” 

Sendak stood and bent to kiss Haxus, sweeping him off his feet. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” Sendak said. 

“You better,” Haxus grouched, but he was smiling just slightly. And then, more fondly: “I should have said it before, too. I love you, Sendak.”

“I love you, too.” He kissed Haxus again. 


	17. Chapter 17

The whole crew knew that the rift between them was mended by the time the day ended.

Sendak was relieved by it. Haxus had been weighing heavily on his mind recently, and even though he probably hadn’t handled the situation well, at least it was resolved to both of their satisfactions. 

After some time spent reacquainting themselves with each others’ bodies, they cuddled in bed, Haxus’s head resting on his chest, and it was exactly the way it had been before.

“I love you,” Sendak said, some part of him resolved to make up for all the times he hadn’t said it. 

Haxus huffed, amused. “I know,” he said. 

“I mean it,” Sendak said. “Every time I say it.”

“I know,” Haxus said again, more fondly. 

Sendak nuzzled the top of his head, purring softly. Haxus started purring in response a minute later. 

“I’ve missed this,” Sendak said after a while. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Haxus replied. 

“I’ve missed your advice, too,” Sendak said after a few more minutes. “I don’t know what to do about Dhan.”

Haxus sighed. “His disciplinary records are unremarkable, as are all his records. And I… I do not believe he acted out of malice, exactly. On the other hand, he did injure Lotor, quite severely, and could have easily killed him.”

“I didn’t think you cared,” Sendak said.

Haxus’s mouth twisted in a strange way. “That’s what Lotor said, too. I may not like him, but I don’t want him to die, either.” 

“I can’t let Dhan go unpunished,” Sendak said. “But I don’t know what an adequate punishment would be, either.”

“He cannot remain here, on the flagship,” Haxus said decisively. “Transfer him to another ship, or another fleet.”

“Maybe he should be whipped, too,” Sendak said. “He went too far. I saw the doctor’s report. Do you think thirty lashes would be enough?”

“Fifty, at least,” Haxus said. “Perhaps even sixty.”

Sendak was surprised at Haxus’s vehemence. Dhan wasn’t well-liked, but Sendak didn’t think he’d done anything to Haxus to warrant such bloodthirstiness. 

“It will be good for morale,” Haxus added. “Everyone onboard would like to see him whipped for one reason or another.”

Sendak wasn’t sure if that was true, but then… Haxus tended to mingle with the crew more freely, due to his rank. “Sixty, then. Thank you for helping me decide.” 

“It’s my job to advise you, Sir,” Haxus said cheekily. 

Sendak kissed him. 

A few minutes passed, and then Sendak said, “I just don’t… I don’t understand what happened. Why it happened. Lotor didn’t want to talk about it, and all he said was that… he was looking for something.” 

“‘S more than he said to me,” Haxus said. “Dhan isn’t unattractive. Is it so hard to guess what he was looking for?”

“...no,” Sendak admitted. “But… If you were assaulted like that, you’d be mad, right?”

“Of course,” Haxus said. “I’d have shot him.”

“But Lotor wasn’t angry. Just sad, or...resigned, like he thought he deserved it.”

Haxus was quiet for a long time. “Dhan looks like you,” he said finally. 

“So...what, do you think-?” Sendak started to ask, incredulous at what Haxus was suggesting. 

“My gods,” Haxus said, laughing a little, “I’ve had to warn you about fucking impressionable young officers for decades now! They always end up following you around, lovesick, for weeks afterwards. I thought a prince would be a little worldlier, but…” He kissed Sendak on the cheek. “Sen, you’ve really got to be more careful with your dick. One of these days it’s going to get you into trouble.”

“Haxus, be serious.”

“I am,” Haxus said. “I think he wanted another taste of whatever you did to him on your wedding night. I bet it was nice. Did you romance him? Seduce him? Maybe you made love to him, and what man could resist that?”

Sendak covered his face with his hands. “I called him a slut. I wasn’t going to- I didn’t think it was appropriate, but then he started talking- He goaded me into-“

Haxus was sitting up now, doubled over in laughter. “Oh  _ no _ !”

“It’s not funny,” Sendak said. “What are you saying, anyway? That I should fuck him so he doesn’t end up getting killed in some sort of...accident?”

“No,” Haxus said. “Just that… he does want you. And I suppose I could share, if you made it worth my while.”

“Haxus, I’m not- You didn’t speak to me for two months because you were jealous I was just  _ talking _ to him! I’m not going to fuck him. It...wouldn’t be appropriate.”

“You’re married,” Haxus said. “And now that we’ve come to an understanding… I know he’s your type.”

“I don’t have a type,” Sendak huffed. “And I don’t want him to feel obligated to do anything, just because we are married. I just… He’s been taken advantage of enough as it is.”

Haxus sighed fondly. “You really are too honorable for your own good,” he said, punctuating his words with a soft kiss to Sendak’s cheek and an affectionate tug on one ear. “It makes it too easy to fall for you.”

“Hax…”

“I know you feel sorry for him, and maybe you should. Just...talk to him. I don’t think he has anyone else.” 

And… Sendak had a feeling that that was only too true.


	18. Chapter 18

Lotor dressed carefully. He’d never really taken part in Galra society -that was for accomplished generals and commanders, not unwanted princelings -and he didn’t want to embarrass Sendak. 

The flagship was in orbit over another of Lotor’s former holdings, and he’d been able to order something for himself to wear, something nice enough to go with Sendak’s dress uniform, as Lotor wasn’t entitled to a dress uniform of his own.

It was...odd. He’d never dressed up for anything willingly before, but some part of himself had been excited to go see the opera, and he’d wanted to make the experience as nice as possible.

So.

He tugged at the high, stiff collar once again, more out of nerves than discomfort. The outfit fit well, exactly tailored to his body.

Looking in the mirror… He felt indecent. Other than his face and hands, no skin was showing, but even so, the suit seemed to only barely conceal anything. It fit too well, hugging and accentuating every line of his body.

He looked  _ good _ . The deep, rich black of the fabric (the nicest, softest thing Lotor had ever worn) contrasted sharply with his hair, made his eyes stand out, showed off his slim yet fit physique. 

He’d never really felt attractive before -he didn’t fit any standard Galra beauty ideals -but now… It seemed as if a different man stared back at him in the mirror. A true prince, cold and severe and untouchably captivating. 

A knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts.

It was Sendak, of course, coming to collect him, dressed up in his dress uniform, sword scabbarded at his side, countless medals glittering like stars on his chest. 

“Good evening,” Lotor said, unsure how he managed to get the words out. Sendak was… He looked… 

He looked like he was the equal of the man in the mirror, a prince’s powerful, beloved suitor. 

Lotor felt the flush rising in his cheeks, grateful that Sendak couldn’t possibly know it was there.

Sendak still hadn’t said anything, though. He seemed...taken aback almost, startled and-

Maybe he didn’t like Lotor’s outfit, and was trying to think of some way to tactfully tell him to change? He probably wouldn’t want to be embarrassed in front of Galra society (any more than he already was, by being bound to Lotor in the first place).

“Should I- change?” Lotor suggested, nervous. He didn’t really have anything else that would be appropriate to wear, but-

“No!” Sendak said vehemently. Then, softer: “No. You look...nice.” 

Lotor’s flush only deepened, and he didn’t know what to say. 

“We should go,” Sendak said finally. “We wouldn’t want to be late.”

“No,” Lotor agreed, and took Sendak’s arm when he offered it.

The casual intimacy made his heart stutter, but he ignored it. This was to keep up appearances, nothing more. 

The shuttle trip down to the planet’s surface was mostly quiet. Sendak seemed distracted by something, and Lotor was trying very hard to not make a fool of himself over how good Sendak looked. 

It wasn’t his place, and they were friends with a mutual interest and nothing more. 

So neither of them said anything until Sendak helped Lotor out of the shuttle (not that Lotor needed help; he just couldn’t say no to Sendak’s gentlemanly ways). 

“Have you been to the opera before?” Lotor asked.

“A few times,” Sendak replied. “I saw  _ Daldak _ once, a long time ago. Have you?”

“No,” Lotor said. “I’ve never been to the opera, much less  _ Daldak _ . I hear it’s fiendishly difficult to get tickets.”

“It is,” Sendak agreed. 

“Thank you,” Lotor said. “I never imagined I would be able to- I am truly very grateful for this.”

“You are most welcome,” Sendak said, smiling.

They were met in the entryway by an usher, who bowed to Sendak and took them directly up to the Imperial Box. (Zarkon, as far as Lotor knew, had little interest in opera, and would likely never actually use the box, but the theatre was optimistic.) 

The Box was draped in rich velvet, with plush seats that overlooked the stage just perfectly. 

There was a bottle of wine chilling on ice, and two glasses. The usher waited until they were seated to pour, and then asked if they needed anything else.

Sendak looked at Lotor expectantly, and Lotor couldn’t imagine what more he could possibly ask for, so he shook his head, and Sendak dismissed the usher. 

And then...they were alone, in the privacy of the Box. The opera wouldn’t start for a little while yet, and Lotor was at a loss for what to say or do now. 

“I hear you’ve made up with your Lieutenant,” Lotor said finally.

“I have,” Sendak said carefully. He seemed about to say something more, but then shook his head. “We’ve worked alongside each other for a long time.”

“I see,” Lotor said. He refused to feel any pain at that. He’d known since the beginning that Sendak wasn’t his to keep. This marriage was a temporary arrangement no matter what happened, and it was best to be no more than friends. 

(Even that was dangerous, but Lotor couldn’t help himself in wanting... _ this _ . Wanting to be wanted.) 

“The principal actors are supposed to be very good,” Sendak said after a moment. “The one playing Daldak recently retired from the military after he married the other.”

“Oh,” Lotor said. He knew, of course, that the principals for Daldak were traditionally a couple in real life, deeply committed to each other if not also married. It made some scenes appropriate to show onstage. “And the other?”

“Always an actor. I hear that the other one fell in love with him after seeing him perform while on leave.”

“How romantic,” Lotor said, only half-sarcastically. It was very nice to imagine something like that, meeting someone’s eyes and instantly knowing that you were meant to be with them forever. 

Finally, the lights went down and the curtains rose, and Lotor let himself get lost in the opera.

The opera was extremely faithful to the epic, to the point that Lotor could mouth lines along with the actors, if he so chose, and it was amazing to see it come to life in front of him like this. 

The actor playing Daldak was a big, broad Galra with a tuft of white in his crest and a prosthetic replacing his right arm. (Not military grade, but that made sense if he was retired.)

The actor playing his lover was lithe and slender, but tall, with blue stripes banding his fur.

They looked so handsome, and by the time the final scene of the first act came, the first time they were onstage together, Lotor knew that the love they showed each other couldn’t be faked. It was so clear that they belonged together, and he couldn’t help but burn with envy that everyone around him got to have that when he never could. 

But it was beautiful anyway, beautiful to see a glimpse of that love, to be let in and allowed to almost experience it for himself.

The curtain closed, and the intermission began.

Lotor had originally intended to abstain from the wine, but, having some idea of what was coming, he took his glass and drank. 

“Are you enjoying it so far?” Sendak asked.

“Yes,” Lotor said. “Yes, I- It’s wonderful. Thank you.”

Sendak seemed pleased with that, and he was about to say more, but someone knocked on the door of the box.

Another Commander, though far less decorated than Sendak. “Your Highness,” he said, sketching an almost insolent bow.

“Commander Throk,” Sendak greeted. “I wasn't aware that you were cultured enough to enjoy opera.” 

“I don’t,” Throk said. 

“This is my husband, Prince Lotor,” Sendak said, introducing him. 

“Prince?” Throk sneered. “Not anymore, I heard. Shame the Emperor made you marry his little half-breed, when you could have had anyone you wanted.”

“I have no regrets,” Sendak said, smiling venomously. “And regardless, you wouldn’t have been in my considerations.”

Throk scowled. “I bet the little runt isn’t even good at anything but sucking cock anyway.” He turned to leave, but Sendak stopped him, roughly turning him back around.

“That is my husband,” Sendak said lowly. “And whatever you personally feel about him, I demand that you show him the respect he deserves.”

“You  _ demand _ ?” Throk asked. 

“You will apologize, or I will take your apology out of your hide,” Sendak said. 

There seemed to be a battle of wills between them, and finally… Throk bowed his head in defeat. “I humbly apologize,” he bit out.

Not much of an apology, really, but Sendak didn’t seem to want to press it further. He shoved Throk away. “Get out of my sight.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Lotor said, when the door closed behind Throk. Nothing Throk had said was really that bad, and Lotor had heard much, much worse over the years. 

“Your honor is my honor,” Sendak said. “I made that promise to you when we were wed, and I am a man of my word. I will not let anyone speak to you like that, do you understand?”

It was honestly one of the sexiest things Lotor had ever heard, as well as one of the most romantic. But Sendak didn’t mean it like that. He just had an image to maintain.

That was all.

Still, Lotor was rendered speechless by it.

Fortunately, the intermission ended, and the second act began.

A large stone slab sat at center stage, resembling an archaic sort of altar. The Galra had once worshiped gods, and  _ Daldak _ was set in that time.

Daldak and his lover appeared onstage , and met each other at the altar. Daldak laid down on it, his feet resting on the floor, staring up at the ceiling above him, as if he were a sacrifice to the gods.

The lover let his clothes fall to the floor in a puddle at his feet, and then he climbed on top of Daldak, straddling his waist, his back to the audience.

Lotor swallowed, hard.

It wasn’t technically pornography, by Galra standards, because the people involved were in love, and it was part of a performance. But it came uncomfortably close, especially with Sendak sitting next to him. 

Sendak, who was the subject of a number of his more salacious fantasies over the last months.

Sendak, his husband, the first and only man he’d ever slept with.

Sendak, the only friend he’d ever had.

Sendak, who already had a relationship with another man. 

He wanted to let the plush velvet of his seat swallow him. He wanted to leave. He wanted to be anywhere but here.

And yet… He couldn’t tear his eyes off the scene in front of him. The tender way the lovers onstage made love, the care and finesse apparent in every touch, every action.

The way they reached completion together, kissing through it, tender and romantic and  _ soft _ . 

The opera went on, through three more scenes like that, interspersed with plot and action and battles, magnificent and romantic, and Lotor ached with longing.

He was glad, though, that he’d been able to be here, tonight, to see this, to see two people so deeply in love with each other that they were able to do this. He was glad to be given a glimpse of that kind of love, even if he knew he would never have it for himself. 

After the opera was over, after the director thanked Sendak profusely for attending, after they “bestowed the honor of their presence” on the principal actors, they had nothing better to do than wander the streets.

It was a lovely night, close enough to morning that the streets were largely empty. Quiet. 

Lotor didn’t want the night to end just yet. He’d had a good time, and he wasn’t ready to stop feeling the way he felt now. 

Maybe (and it was surely just wishful thinking on Lotor’s part), maybe Sendak felt the same, and that’s why they wandered aimlessly together, talking about nothing much in particular. 

“It’s getting late,” Lotor said reluctantly, when the sun’s first rays began brightening the horizon. 

“It is,” Sendak agreed. He sounded reluctant, too, but Lotor was probably just imagining that. 

They didn’t really say much more until they were outside Lotor’s door, but the silence had been companionable, so Lotor hadn’t minded.

“Thank you,” Lotor said. “It was lovely. I had a good time.”

“Thank  _ you _ ,” Sendak said, “for accompanying me.”

He seemed like he was about to say something else, so Lotor just waited with bated breath.

Except Sendak took his hand, and bowed, and pressed the softest, gentlest kiss imaginable to Lotor’s knuckles, and he looked up, meeting Lotor’s eyes…

Lotor was speechless, flushed like he had a deadly fever, completely unable to fathom what was happening. 

“Good night, Lotor,” Sendak said, and then he left.

Lotor had no idea how he managed to get to his bedroom, only that he’d somehow ended up on his bed, still unbearably flustered, caressing his knuckles in wonder and awe and confusion.

What did this mean? 

...did it mean there was a chance? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny Easter egg: the principal actors are Galra Shiro and Lance, courtesy of @bbb35 ;)


	19. Chapter 19

Sendak walked back to his rooms, weightless and happy and wistful. The night had gone so incredibly well, for all that he could barely bring himself to look at Lotor, lest he be struck speechless by how handsome he was in that outfit. 

Haxus was lounging in bed, dressed in a ratty shirt and sweats, which he usually only wore when he was alone, doing something on his tablet.

“I didn’t expect you back tonight,” he said.

Sendak flushed. “I- we’re just friends,” he said.

“Right,” Haxus said. “And that’s why you took him to see  _ Daldak _ . He did look very handsome tonight, didn’t he?”

Sendak could only nod. He’d felt… almost outclassed by how good Lotor had looked, even in his dress uniforms and all his medals. Lotor had looked like a true, proper prince, regal and handsome and yet so…

“Did you have a good time?” Haxus asked, returning to his tablet.

“Yes,” Sendak said. “It was…” It was one of the best nights Sendak had ever had. A memory he would cherish for the rest of his life, along with the memory of his first and only hunt with his parents, the first time he’d kissed Haxus… “It was wonderful.”

“Then what the fuck are you still doing here, dumbass?” 

“Hax-“ Sendak began. “I- I can’t. It’s not… And he wouldn't even want that, anyway.”

“You are the stupidest man I’ve ever met,” Haxus said. “Go talk to him, and get your dick wet, and then maybe you both can stop pining after people who already love you!” 

“It’s- He doesn’t- He’s just making the best of a bad situation. I can’t take advantage of him like that. He doesn’t deserve it.”

Haxus sighed in exasperation. “You wouldn’t be taking advantage of anything. He feels exactly the same way about you as you do about him. Trust me.”

”I do,” Sendak said. “I just can’t- I don’t want him to think that I’m coercing him, or forcing him, or-“

”You want him to come to you,” Haxus said knowingly. 

“No!” Sendak insisted. “I just want- I want it to be his choice, and even suggesting it might…” 

(And...part of him was still confused and hurt about Dhan. Why had Lotor gone to him, instead of asking Sendak? Not that it was any of his business, but-)

He changed the subject. “Dhan is off the ship?”

“Yes,” Haxus said. “Had to be carried off, but I’m sure he’ll be fine in a few weeks.”

Well. Sixty lashes was quite a lot.

“Is your arm sore?” Sendak asked, finally starting to disrobe. 

“Nothing I can’t handle,” Haxus said. He paused, studying Sendak for a long minute. “I’m not fucking you tonight.” 

Sendak paused, halfway out of his pants. “...why not?”

“Because when you’re fucking me, I want your mind on me, too, and tonight, I know you’re going to be thinking about Lotor.”

Sendak crossed the room, pinning Haxus to the bed playfully. “I won’t be,” he said, “I promise.”

Haxus narrowed his eyes. 

“I’ll be thinking about how I meant to take you to  _ Daldak _ , when I first bought the tickets,” Sendak said. “How I meant to propose.”

Haxus’s eyes widened, and his mouth fell open a little. “You...were going to propose?” He asked. 

“I was,” Sendak said. “I had it all planned out, too.”

“You utter romantic,” Haxus said, and for all his sharpness, he had a secret romantic side, too. He pulled Sendak down for a kiss, which of course Sendak gave him. 

“Would you have said yes?” Sendak asked.

“Would I have-?” Haxus repeated in disbelief. “Yes, of course I would have. Did you doubt that?”

“Not really,” Sendak said.

Haxus laughed, and pulled him down for another kiss. 

* * *

Haxus visited Lotor late the next morning. Unlike Sendak, he wasn’t an early riser, and that did make it easier to corner him without Sendak around.

He seemed to be in a good mood today, though he was, as always, cold with Haxus. (Haxus supposed he deserved that.)

“Good morning,” he said frostily, barely looking up from his breakfast. “To what do I owe the honor?”

Haxus had never really done anything like this. Sendak had always been more than capable of getting people into his bed on his own.

“It has come to my attention,” Haxus began, just as coolly, “that the Commander has been...neglectful in his duties towards you.” 

Lotor’s eyes narrowed. “Not that it’s any of your business, but why would you care? Don’t you reap the benefits of that?”

“Sendak is a man of honor and duty,” Haxus said. “He’ll do whatever you ask of him if you frame it like that.”

“You want me to coerce him to fuck me, because he has a marital duty towards me,” Lotor said flatly. “Is that about right?”

It sounded almost crass when put like that. “No,” Haxus said. “But then you could both have what you wanted. Sendak is far too honorable to approach you, for fear of making you feel like you have no choice.”

“What makes you think I want to fuck Sendak?” Lotor asked dismissively, turning back to his tablet.

Haxus had to laugh. “Are you kidding me? Anyone with eyes could see that you do. Besides, you already goaded him into fucking you on your wedding night.”

“Perhaps I found that it was not to my liking,” Lotor said, his knuckles white because of how hard he was clutching the tablet. 

“Sendak’s the best lover I’ve ever taken,” Haxus said bluntly. “I’d bet he’s the best you’ve ever had, too.”

Lotor grimaced and glanced away, just slightly, and suddenly…

Suddenly Haxus knew.

“Oh,” he said. 

“Please get out,” Lotor said. “It’s too early for these games.”

Haxus wanted to protest that this wasn’t a game, but he knew that the harder he pushed, the harder Lotor would push back.

So he left, mulling over what to do now.

* * *

Lotor had no idea what the fuck was going on.

He didn’t know why Sendak’s Lieutenant and lover was trying to get him to fuck Sendak, when just a few weeks ago, he’d seemed to hate him.

Lotor knew very little about relationships, but surely you didn’t willingly share your lover with a man you despised? 

So...maybe it was some sort of mind game. Get him to fuck Sendak, and then what?

Would Sendak hate him for using the excuse of marital duty to force him into bed? Would Sendak see him as some kind of slut (although it seemed that some part of him already did, based on what he’d said on the wedding night)? Was the Lieutenant going to somehow use this to humiliate him?

The other thing was… assuming that he did want to fuck Sendak… He had no idea how to facilitate that. He couldn’t just go up to Sendak and  _ ask _ . He wasn’t bold enough for that, and anyway, surely Sendak would deny him outright. 

Which meant he’d have to seduce Sendak, and he really had no idea how to do that. Goading him had worked pretty well, but it wasn’t something Lotor wanted to do again; he’d used Sendak’s anger at the situation to get a rise out of him, exploited his pride…

And Lotor was a little too fond of him to try it again. 

But he did so want to touch Sendak again, and if Haxus was right (and Lotor knew he was, about this, at least), Sendak would never make the first move.

So… if that was what he wanted, he’d have to go after it himself. 

He had no idea if he could trust Haxus, but he seemed right about this, at least. 

He thought about it for a few days- seemingly endless days of dreamily sighing about the opera, about how wonderful it had been, about what he’d do to have that again -before he finally worked up the nerve.

He found Haxus on the training deck, and considering how many times Haxus had cornered him there, it only seemed appropriate.

They didn’t really talk before getting into it; it no longer seemed necessary, when they both knew what they were really after was the physical release. 

(And also...Haxus seemed less angry and hurt these days, or at least less willing to take it out on Lotor.) 

“Why are you trying to get me to fuck Sendak?” Lotor asked finally, twisting Haxus’s arm behind his back while he struggled. 

Haxus slipped away, considering his next move. “He wants to,” he said slowly, “and you want to, but neither of you seem willing to risk the first move.”

“But what about you?” Lotor asked. “Just a few weeks ago you were so jealous you wouldn’t even talk to him.”

“Things change,” Haxus said, launching a surprise attack that sent them both tumbling to the floor, battling to come out on top. “I want him to be happy.”

And...it wasn’t as if Lotor didn’t want to be with Sendak again, especially after the opera. He’d had dreams that cast him as Daldak, and Sendak as his lover, and… 

And Sendak was surely the best option. Even on their wedding night, when Lotor had pushed and goaded and taunted, Sendak hadn’t hurt Lotor. He’d been far kinder than Lotor had been expecting. 

(It was no wonder that Lotor was, perhaps, maybe, just slightly in love with him.) 

“Promise me that this isn’t a trick of some kind,” Lotor whispered, letting Haxus pin him to the floor. “Promise me that he really wants me.”

Haxus smiled slightly, a pitying sort of smile, as if he felt sorry for Lotor. Perhaps he did. “I promise. I know I’ve been cruel to you, and that you have no reason to trust me, but… This is for Sendak, so you have to believe me.”

There was no trace of guile in Haxus’s eyes, so finally Lotor nodded. “Alright,” he whispered hoarsely. ”I just- I don’t know how-“

“You don’t need to seduce him,” Haxus said. “Just go to him, and he’ll be yours. He’ll be free tonight.”

“ _ Tonight? _ ” Lotor gasped. It felt too soon, too sudden. How was he supposed to mentally prepare himself, to plan the exact way it would go? To come up with some clever response for anything Sendak could possibly say?

“Tonight,” Haxus said decisively. “If I let you think on it too long, I have a feeling you’d talk yourself out of it, and I really am tired of watching you two pine so obliviously.”

Lotor flushed, half in anger and half in embarrassment, that Haxus had managed such an insight. “If you’re wrong,” he said, “I’m going to…” He didn’t know what he was going to do, exactly, but he’d figure something out.

“I’m not,” Haxus said. 

And… Lotor really wanted him to be right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering, Sendak does have all his original parts.   
For now ;)


	20. Chapter 20

Lotor had never been in Sendak’s quarters before, but somehow he was unsurprised by what he found there: a stack of well-worn epics by the bed, the only sign of clutter in an otherwise pristine room. Everything seemed to have a place -armor neatly arrayed on its stand, with maintenance supplies stowed beneath, sword scabbarded and hung up nearby -and there were relatively few personal touches.

(That, at least, Lotor completely understood: he’d never had many personal belongings, either.) 

The shower was running, which meant there was still time for Lotor to just leave and pretend this had never happened. 

Haxus would know, of course, but… At least Sendak would never know, if Lotor left right now.

Then again… This did still feel like a mind game, like Haxus thought he was too cowardly to go through with this, and he couldn’t allow Haxus to be right about that.

So. He sat on the bed, trying to sprawl invitingly (though he was sure he just looked awkward), playing with the sash of his robe.

It was all he’d worn, and now he was starting to regret it. If he were wearing something else, he could at least pretend that he had another reason to be here, but in the silky robe alone… 

The water shut off.

If he left right now…

He swallowed. 

He’d give anything if he could feel like someone wanted him for just a minute, the way he’d felt when Sendak had bowed and kissed his hand, when Sendak had fucked him so possessively…

He’d felt truly alive, like life was worth living and not just wasting, for the first time since he’d been exiled. 

He couldn’t let that go. Not without a fight.

Sendak came out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel slung low on his hips, lost in his thoughts. It took a moment for him to notice Lotor, but when he did…

His ears pricked up as he swallowed. “Lotor. What are you…?”

Nervousness had mostly killed Lotor’s arousal, but now, confronted by the sight of Sendak in nothing but a towel, it was reviving itself.

“I…” Lotor said. “I had hoped we could maybe…” He didn’t want to couch his request in  _ duty _ , simply because he didn’t want Sendak to feel like this was a duty. He wanted Sendak to want this as much as he did. 

Sendak’s eyes darkened, but he remained out of Lotor’s reach. “You don’t have to do this,” he said. “I don’t expect anything from you.”

“I know,” Lotor said. “I…” He couldn’t say it, not out loud. He beckoned Sendak closer, and Sendak came.

When he was close enough, Lotor took his hand, the way Sendak had taken his just days before, and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, coyly meeting Sendak’s eyes from beneath his eyelashes.

Sendak’s crest stood up -perhaps he was as flustered as Lotor was -but he still allowed Lotor to guide his hand down and down and down, entangling their fingers as he brought their hands to his cock, which was fully hard now and slick enough with arousal that there was a damp spot on his robe.

“ _ Oh… _ ” Sendak breathed. 

“I want you,” Lotor said with a sudden burst of courage. “I’ve been wanting you, but I couldn’t- I was afraid- I was hoping-“

“Yes,” Sendak said, eyes dangerously dark. “Yes, I’ll give you whatever you want.”

Lotor flushed at the raw desire in Sendak’s eyes.

Sendak leaned forward and kissed him, and Lotor froze because… He hadn’t expected that. Sendak hadn’t kissed him on their wedding night, and a kiss on the hand was so very different from  _ this _ . 

But Sendak was tender and gentle, cupping Lotor’s jaw with his free hand, slowly deepening the kiss until Lotor was consumed by it, guiding Lotor through it and making up for his inexperience.

His other hand, the hand that Lotor had put on his cock, caressed him through the robe, hot and foreign and amazing, easily the best thing Lotor had ever felt before.

(He was so used to the touches of others bringing him pain, after all; what defenses did he have against this?)

Sendak pulled away far too soon, and Lotor tried to follow him, desperate for that contact, greedy for it.

Sendak stopped him with a gentle touch, running his thumb over Lotor’s bottom lip. “What do you want from me tonight?” Sendak asked. “I’ll do whatever you ask.”

And that was the problem: even if Lotor did know exactly what he wanted, he couldn’t just  _ ask _ . Not out loud. The humiliation would kill him. 

“Whatever you want,” Lotor said, and honestly… He would have let Sendak do just about anything to him, as long as it meant Sendak would look at him like that, touch him so tenderly, make him feel like he was worth something. 

Sendak seemed a little displeased with that answer, but he didn’t say anything about it. “Alright,” he said, and then he backed off enough to let the towel fall to the floor.

For the first time, Lotor got a good look at him. Sendak was one of the most handsome men he’d ever seen before, a true paragon of Galra physique. 

His cock was just as perfect as the rest of him: big and thick and hard, perfectly tapered.

Lotor wasn’t sure he’d be able to wrap his hand all the way around it.

He swallowed audibly.

“We don’t have to do that,” Sendak said, “if you don’t want to. There are other things-“

“I want to,” Lotor said. He was just having a hard time believing that he’d actually taken that cock before. “Please.”

Sendak kissed his cheek, smiling a little. “Alright. Just tell me if it hurts, or if you need to stop. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Lotor nodded, and made to turn over onto his stomach, but Sendak stopped him.

“I- you’re- you said-“ Lotor began, confused. “On our wedding night...” 

“I know,” Sendak said. “But I was angry and I wanted to be rough with you. I regret that, and I think… Tonight, I want to be gentle. Is that alright?”

Lotor couldn’t breathe for a second, so hopelessly out of his depth and confused, but he nodded. 

Sendak climbed between his thighs, and Lotor let them fall open a little more, even as he reached up to pull Sendak down for another kiss.

Sendak went easily, chuckling a little. “Eager,” he said.

“I want you,” Lotor said, embarrassed by how true it was, by how wanton he was being. 

“You have me,” Sendak said. 

Just for now, for a little while. Sendak wasn’t his to keep, and eventually they’d go their separate ways, when there was nothing forcing them to be together, but Lotor would be fine, as long as he could have this, now. 

Sendak slipped a hand between them, underneath Lotor’s robe, and stroked his cock a few times before slipping further back, to Lotor’s ass.

He paused, playing with his slick entrance for a moment. “Did you prepare yourself before coming here?”

Lotor’s face was on fire, but he nodded. He hadn’t been sure what Sendak would do, how patient he would be, and he hadn’t wanted to risk being hurt because he hadn’t taken the proper steps. 

That, and it had helped get him into the mood. Helped him summon the courage to come here in the first place. 

“Does that displease you?” Lotor asked.

“No,” Sendak said. “Only… I would have liked to do it. Watch you squirm on my fingers until you begged me to fuck you.” He kissed Lotor’s cheek. “Next time, maybe.”

_ Next time. _ Lotor shuddered at the thought. He wasn’t entirely sure he’d survive this, and here Sendak was, intending to do it again.

“Still…” Sendak said, a mischievous spark in his eyes. “You can never be too prepared.”

He slid one finger into Lotor, an easy, slick slide that had Lotor panting already. Sendak’s fingers were so much thicker than his own, so much warmer.

“I want to see you,” Sendak murmured against Lotor’s throat, playing with the sash of his robe. “Can I?”

Lotor would have given him anything he asked for in that moment, so he nodded.

Sendak pulled the robe open, pulling back enough that he could just... _ look _ at Lotor. 

Lotor knew that he wasn’t very attractive as far as Galra went. Too small, too soft, too weak.

Sendak still looked at him with such a hunger in his eyes that Lotor’s flush traveled all the way down his chest. 

It was so…  _ baffling _ that anyone would look at him like that, much less Sendak, who was so perfectly handsome in every way. 

And yet it was gratifying too, to see the pure want and lust in Sendak’s eyes.

Sendak pressed another finger into him, stealing his thoughts.

And then… Sendak did something Lotor could never have predicted. 

He bent down and licked a thick stripe up the underside of Lotor’s cock, and Lotor moaned.

He immediately pressed a hand to his mouth, mortified, but Sendak said, “No, let me hear you, baby.”

Lotor was sure that there was no force in the universe that could make him remove his hand from his mouth, except then Sendak took the tip of his cock into his mouth and sucked,  _ hard _ .

Lotor arched off the bed, grasping at something  _ -anything _ -to hold onto. One hand ended up in the sheets, and the other, tangled into Sendak’s crest.

Sendak pressed a third finger into him, slowly stretching him open, while he bobbed his head up and down, taking more and more of Lotor’s cock into his mouth.

It was  _ ecstasy _ . 

Lotor had never felt pleasure like this before, had never imagined that something could feel this good. It was so good, and he never wanted it to end, except-

“Sendak,” he gasped. “Sendak, I can’t-“ If he came now, he wasn’t sure he could keep going, and he wanted to so badly, but he was so close and he didn’t think he could hold on any longer… “ _ Sendak! _ ” 

Sendak pulled away, licking the edges of Lotor’s sheath once for good measure.

Lotor shuddered, panting, still so close to the edge and horrendously disappointed that he had to wait. Relieved that Sendak was going to fuck him. 

Sendak stroked his side until he caught his breath. “Do you still want this?” Sendak asked, even as he hoisted Lotor’s thighs up, so Lotor could wrap his legs around Sendak’s waist.

There wasn’t anything Lotor wanted more in that moment. “ _ Yes _ .” 

Sendak kissed him and began pressing in, stealing Lotor’s breath away again.

He was just so  _ big _ . Bigger than his fingers, bigger than the toy Lotor had bought, bigger than Lotor remembered. Nothing could have truly prepared him for this.

Sendak was slow and careful and deliberate, and that helped some, but Lotor was still out of his mind by the time Sendak was fully sheathed inside him.

He clung to Sendak like a lifeline, trembling, ankles locked together in the small of Sendak’s back, because he was completely unwilling to put even an inch of space between them, now that they were this close.

Sendak nuzzled his face and throat and shoulder, patiently waiting for Lotor to adjust.

Lotor was sure he’d never be ready, that they’d just be stuck here like this forever, and that was perfectly alright with him, except that the heat was building back up in his belly and his cock throbbed where it was trapped between them. 

“Sendak,” he whispered. “Sendak, please… I need…”

Sendak hushed him with a gentle kiss and began rocking into him slowly, carefully, like Lotor was some fragile thing he was afraid of breaking. 

(Lotor had never been treated so gently before.) 

The ridges on Sendak’s cock slipped out of him, and then back in, stretching him open even more, and it was so amazingly good that Lotor thought he might come just from that.

And then… Perhaps Sendak shifted a little, or Lotor hiked one of his legs up further, but  _ something _ changed the angle, and Sendak’s cock struck something deep inside Lotor had made his vision white out, that sent sparks all the way down to his fingertips.

(He knew what it was, of course. It was just difficult for him to reach on his own, with or without toys, and so it went largely untouched.) 

“Right there, huh, baby?” Sendak murmured knowingly, but it was far, far away.

All he knew was that Sendak thrust a little faster, hitting that spot with unerring accuracy, until Lotor’s every muscle quivered like jelly.

Liquid fire pooled in his belly, heat building and building until it reached critical mass and he couldn’t hold on anymore.

He came, shaking, moaning, spasming uncontrollably.

He was only distantly aware of Sendak coming, too, of him spilling inside of him and filling him up.

It was Sendak’s gentle touches that finally brought him back to himself after an indeterminate amount of time. 

“Shhh,” Sendak murmured. “Don’t move. I’m going to clean you up, alright?”

Lotor hummed and nodded, far too relaxed and content to argue. He managed to spread his legs a little to allow Sendak to clean between them.

Sendak kissed his cheek when he was done. “I told you you’d keep coming back for more,” he teased.

Lotor glared without heat.

He had just about gathered himself up enough that he thought he could make it back to his quarters, even with his legs as shaky as they were, when Sendak said, “We should talk about this.”

Lotor didn’t want to talk about it. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he said, pushing himself up on his hands, looking around for his robe. 

Now that it was over, now that he was in his right mind once more… He was mortified that he’d done this. He’d just...thrown himself at Sendak’s feet and all but begged him to give him some scrap of affection, like some kind of pathetic-

Sendak looked hurt. “Lotor, I… I know you probably don’t feel the way I do, and I don’t expect you to, but I- I can’t keep doing this.”

Lotor pulled his robe around himself. “Can’t keep fucking your own husband? Fine. I get it. I know I’m unattractive, alright? You could have said something before you pity-fucked me, though.” 

Sendak blinked. “That- That’s not at all- That wasn’t  _ pity _ .”

”Then what was it?” Lotor hissed. He should have let Haxus think he was a coward, because that would be better than this. Now he’d have to live the rest of his life knowing what this was like and being completely unable to attain it. 

“I- I’ve fallen for you,” Sendak said. “And I know you don’t feel the same way, but I can’t- It hurts too much to do this, knowing you don’t want me back.”

Lotor froze, genuinely speechless, mind completely blank. 

“You- what?” Lotor asked. 

“I love you,” Sendak said. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, I just- You are-“

Lotor burst into tears before Sendak got another word out.

This had to be some sort of cruel trick, some punishment or humiliation. No one had ever -could ever-

Sendak gathered him up, pulling him into his lap. “Oh, love,” he said. “Life’s been very hard for you, hasn’t it? Shh, it’s alright.”

Lotor could only cling to Sendak as he cried, his entire body shaking with his sobs, and Sendak just held him, stroking his back and murmuring to him. 

Something about how kind Sendak was only made Lotor cry harder. He didn’t deserve this kindness, he didn’t deserve any of it, and he certainly didn’t deserve Sendak.

Finally, after an eternity, Lotor had no more tears left to shed. 

Sendak didn’t let him go. 

“I’m sorry,” Lotor said listlessly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Sendak said firmly. “Maybe we should have talked before, or…”

Lotor shook his head. “You’ve been so kind to me, and I’ve been terrible. I don’t deserve this.”

“You deserve the universe,” Sendak murmured, “and I’ll give it to you, if you let me.”

Lotor clutched him tighter, unable to find something to say.

He didn’t need to, though. Sendak wordlessly wiped his face clean with a clean cloth and tucked him into bed, curling up around him.

“I should go,” Lotor said. “You wouldn’t want me here, anyway.”

”Hush,” Sendak said. “I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

And Lotor didn’t want to be, so he didn’t argue. 


	21. Chapter 21

Sendak couldn’t seem to stop touching Lotor. Lotor didn’t protest; if anything, he pressed himself closer, tucking his head under Sendak’s chin.

It was very nice. Lotor fit so neatly in his arms, and he sighed and hummed in contentment as Sendak stroked his back.

Eventually he drifted off, and Sendak would have followed him, except that something was missing.

The door slid open and Haxus snuck in, climbing into bed behind Sendak.

“I thought you would have been asleep by now,” he murmured.

“Working on it,” Sendak replied, just as quietly. Lotor was sleeping so peacefully; it wouldn’t do to wake him. 

“He looks so cute when he’s sleeping,” Haxus said.

“He does,” Sendak agreed, although- and he finally allowed himself to let his thoughts stray in that direction- he thought Lotor was always cute. 

“Is he a good fuck?” Haxus asked, the curve of his wicked grin pressed against Sendak’s neck. 

Haxus never really liked hearing about the others Sendak had in his bed, and Sendak was completely unprepared for him to ask such a thing. 

And for himself, he’d never been particularly shy about telling Haxus, if Haxus asked, but this time… This time it felt a little too personal. “It was more than that,” he said, hoping Haxus would leave it at that. 

“Ah…” Haxus said, still smiling. “Glad you finally figured that out.”

“Hax…” Sendak started, hoping to explain again that even though he did love Lotor, he still loved Haxus, too, and this didn’t change anything, especially since… Well, there were Lotor’s feelings to consider, too.

But Haxus was sound asleep.

He snuck one last glance at Lotor -sound asleep and looking far less burdened than he did awake -before closing his eyes and falling asleep himself.

* * *

Lotor woke slowly, not really wanting to be awake yet, but unable to sleep anymore.

He didn’t remember where he was until he opened his eyes and saw Haxus sitting on the other side of the bed, studying something on his tablet.

Lotor considered turning over and going back to sleep, if he could.

“There’s breakfast for you,” Haxus said without looking over. “Sendak didn’t think you’d want to walk down to the mess hall in your state.”

Lotor never ate in the mess hall anyway. “Where is Sendak?”

“He gets up early to spend some time on the training deck before he’s needed on the bridge.”

Lotor pushed himself upright, wincing a little; he didn’t remember being this sore before, but then...he’d been pretty drunk. There was a tray of breakfast food on the bedside table, and he pulled it into his lap.

“Did you have a good time last night?” Haxus asked coolly.

Lotor couldn’t -he didn’t want to share the details with anyone, especially since he was still processing, but- “Yes,” he said finally.

“Hm, well,” Haxus said, “Sendak is a skilled lover.”

Lotor flushed. Suddenly, it was too intimate to be reminded that he’d shared Sendak with this man. Haxus had experienced the same things he had, maybe, the same pleasures and emotions, and-

It was almost too much, but Haxus kept talking: “I assume you’ll want to do that again. I know I wouldn’t willingly give it up without a good reason.”

“Was your jealousy a good reason?” Lotor asked, a little meanly, but then… He was still a little weirded out by the overly intimate and uncomfortable situation they found themselves in. 

“Careful,” Haxus said, eyes narrowed. “I’m trying to let us both have what we want.”

“Oh?” Lotor asked, feigning disinterest. 

“It’s simple,” Haxus said. “We are both grown men. We can share.” 

“What are you proposing?” Lotor asked suspiciously. And why should he not be suspicious? Haxus had every reason to hate him. 

“There are nine days to a week” -one day for each of the luminiferous moons of Daibazaal - “so… We could each have him for four, and let him be on the final day.”

“Do you think Sendak will agree to this?” The plan sounded ridiculous, but even four days a week was infinitely more than Lotor had expected. 

“I don’t see why Sendak has to know,” Haxus said. “I’m sure he’ll just be happy that we’re getting along and that he’s getting his dick wet.”

“Don’t you think he’ll notice?” Sendak wasn’t stupid. “And what if he wants you on one of my days?”

“Then you’ll get a make up day the following week. And no… I doubt it. Sex tends to make him...single-minded.”

Lotor flushed again. “You’ve thought about this,” he said simply.

Haxus nodded. “Of course. I want Sendak to be happy, and I can compromise in order to make that happen. If we don’t work something out, eventually Sendak will have to choose one or the other of us, and he really is too honorable to do that, and then none of us will have what we want.”

“This is only temporary anyway,” Lotor said quietly. “Just until Sendak achieves his goals and he can annul the marriage.”

Haxus stared at him. “Of course he told you,” he muttered. “How long have you known?”

“Since the beginning,” Lotor said, shrinking back slightly. Something in Haxus’s eyes made him afraid, and Lotor had a feeling that Haxus was willing to kill for Sendak if it came to it. “He promised me that much.”

That answer had Haxus relaxing a little, studying Lotor with a renewed interest. “And you’ve kept it to yourself.”

“Yes,” Lotor replied, though it hadn’t been a question. “I want him to succeed.”

Haxus nodded. “And when it’s over- What will you do?”

“Leave,” Lotor said. He hadn’t really considered it, but with the millions in his account and with his father gone, he’d be free to do... _ whatever _ he wanted. “Sendak was never mine to keep.”

Haxus smiled, a smile that was more pity than anything else. “So you’ll do it, then?”

As if Lotor wouldn’t have agreed to damn near anything, if it meant he could feel the way he had last night again, even if just for a moment. “Yes.” 

“I’m glad we come to an agreement that suits us both,” Haxus said, rising. “Today is your day; enjoy it. And Lotor? Tell him. He’ll like knowing that you are untouched by any but him.” 

And then he left, leaving Lotor alone, flustered and confused.


	22. Chapter 22

A minor emergency on the bridge set the tone of the day by interrupting Sendak’s morning workout, but even though the entire day ended up being one barely averted catastrophe after another, nothing could really spoil his mood.

Normally, he would have stayed on the bridge until he was certain everything was running smoothly again, but Haxus had pulled him aside and told him that he could handle the last few small issues. 

Sendak stayed a few more minutes, because he wanted to make sure that nothing serious was going to pop up, and because Haxus wasn’t in charge of him, and because he didn’t want to appear overly eager, showing up outside Lotor’s door one minute after his scheduled work hours ended. 

He hoped that Lotor wouldn’t turn him away. Part of him had wanted to simply...stay with him all day, lounging around in bed (the way he had when he and Haxus managed to schedule their vacation time for the same days when they were young officers).

He was a Commander now, though, with a whole fleet under his command, and so he couldn’t simply do that on a whim.

But barring some sort of major emergency… his off-duty hours were his.

He paused outside of Lotor’s door. He shouldn’t solicit anything from Lotor; he didn’t want to make Lotor feel like he had to do something. 

But…

Maybe it was alright to let Lotor know that, if nothing else, Sendak was interested if Lotor was. And if he wasn’t, then Sendak would simply...back off. It was understandable that Lotor wouldn’t want to be with him. 

Sendak couldn’t blame him for that rejection if -when -it came. He’d always love Lotor, but if Lotor didn’t feel the same, then…

Well. Sendak loved him enough to let him go. 

He finally requested entry to Lotor’s quarters, and the door slid open almost immediately. 

“I would have checked on you earlier,” Sendak blurted, “but today was just one thing after another all day, and-“

Lotor’s lips quirked up into a little smile. “It’s alright. I understand. And… I am fine, by the way, if it makes you feel better.”

“Oh,” Sendak said. “Good. I’m glad.”

Sendak had been in the military so long that he’d half-forgotten that non-uniform clothing existed.

Lotor was obviously not wearing a uniform (and though Sendak had never seen him in one, he was sure Lotor would look very good in uniform). He tended to dress a little more formally when he left his quarters, stiff fabrics that made him look sharper than he really was, or form-fitting flightsuits meant for sparring. 

Today… he wore a pair of loose pants and a slightly too-big shirt that slipped off his shoulder as Sendak watched.

...Lotor had no idea what this was doing to Sendak’s self-control, did he?

His bare feet were tucked up under him on the couch, and he seemed so soft and vulnerable, and… maybe it meant nothing, but it was like Lotor was letting Sendak see him like this, like he was intentionally letting his walls down.

(It was almost a tacit  _ I love you _ .) 

“I was going to greet you when you were done for the day,” Lotor said, “but I wasn’t sure when you’d be back, and I didn’t think I should make a habit of letting myself into your rooms.”

Haxus had no such concerns. “It’s fine,” Sendak said. “I don’t mind.”

“I…” Lotor paused, licked his lips nervously. “I hope you had a good time last night?”

“Yes,” Sendak replied instantly, truthfully. “Did you?”

Lotor looked away, his ears drooping, undeniably flustered. “I did.” 

“I’m glad,” Sendak said, and then paused. He wasn’t sure how to- to broach the subject without coming across as forceful or overbearing.

He really wanted this, and if he messed it up somehow…

“I was hoping,” Lotor said, rising, “that perhaps...because we  _ are _ married, and because we both had a good time last night, and because… I was hoping we might, on occasion, do that again? If you wanted, of course. I wouldn’t- If you didn’t, I wouldn’t demand, but-“

Sendak blinked. It hadn’t occurred to him that Lotor might have the same aversion -the same fears -of forcing him into something he didn’t want. 

Which...was absurd, on Lotor’s end. He really was Sendak’s type, and anyway, Sendak loved him. He’d do nearly anything for him at this point.

“Yes,” Sendak said. “Whenever you want.”

“Whenever?” Lotor asked, grinning mischievously. (Sendak couldn’t breathe for a moment, because... _ wow _ .) “What about right now?”

Sendak pulled him closer and kissed him. He couldn't resist, and Lotor just gasped and gave in, pressing closer, kissing back hungrily.

The thin material of Lotor’s pants did nothing to hide his arousal. 

“Oh love,” Sendak murmured. “Are you sure?”

“Fuck me,” Lotor demanded. 

Sendak kissed him again and hoisted him up by the thighs; Lotor wrapped his legs around Sendak’s waist, and…  _ oh _ . 

This was perfect and wonderful, having Lotor’s lithe slim body in his arms, hot and willing, nearly desperate, and all for Sendak. 

Sendak carried him back to Lotor’s bedroom, kissing him the whole time, unable and unwilling to put even an inch of space between them.

He fell into bed, still holding Lotor, still kissing him. He hadn’t felt this desperate since he was a cadet, a young man barely into adolescence. 

And then…

Lotor had been touching him everywhere he could reach, dragging him closer and closer, but now…

Now he was pushing him away. “Stop, stop,” Lotor panted, “stop!”

Of course Sendak did, sitting up and backing off immediately. “What’s wrong?” He asked, confused and concerned.

Lotor turned away, still breathing heavily. It took him a moment to calm down, and Sendak...didn’t know what to do. He wanted to comfort him, but Lotor was sensitive to touch, and he didn’t know-

Plus, he’d never been in this situation before.

“Lotor, love,” Sendak said. “Please… did I do something wrong? Are you hurt? What do you need?”

Lotor screwed his eyes shut and shook his head. “I…” he began. “I’m...overwhelmed. I’ve never- You’re the only one-“

_ Oh _ . 

Oh  _ no _ . 

Fuck. Fuck, how had he fucked up this badly? How had he not noticed? Why didn’t Lotor tell him? 

“Oh, love…” Sendak sighed. He gathered Lotor up in his arms, and Lotor relaxed minutely, which Sendak took as a good sign. “Oh, love. We can slow down.”

Lotor hid his face against Sendak’s chest, curling up as small as he could.

Sendak nuzzled the top of his head. “It’s alright, love.” He was still mad at himself -he really should have figured it out last night, if not sooner -but Lotor didn’t need to know about Sendak’s self-recrimination. Right now, he just needed to be held and comforted. “Everything’s alright.”

“I’m sorry,” Lotor whispered. “This isn’t- I thought- I wanted this to be perfect, but obviously I ruin everything, and I’m sorry I-“

“No, no, no, shhh,” Sendak murmured. “It’s alright. You haven’t ruined anything, love, and you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I haven’t?” Lotor asked in an unimaginably small voice. 

“No, love.” 

Sendak was still shocked when Lotor surged up and kissed him. “Thank you,” he said. “Thank you.”

“Lotor, you don’t have to thank me,” Sendak said. He didn’t want Lotor’s gratitude, especially since he still felt like absolute scum for how he’d treated Lotor. 

“I never expected that anyone would be this good to me,” Lotor said quietly. “And I- I just want to thank you for being so patient with me, even though I don’t deserve it.”

“It’s the very least I can do,” Sendak said. “We don’t have to- tonight, if you don’t want to anymore.”

“No, I do, I just- It’s a lot,” Lotor said. “You’re my first, and I know you have all this experience, and I...don’t.”

“We can take it as slow as you need,” Sendak said. “I’m all yours.”

Lotor kissed him again, slower than before. “I want to see you,” he said shyly, plucking at Sendak’s uniform.

Sendak stripped and somehow ended up against the headboard with Lotor in his lap.

That was...incredibly nice. He was hard again, and so was Lotor, and all that separated them was the thin material of Lotor’s pants. 

Sendak slid his hands underneath Lotor’s shirt, feeling the smooth muscle of Lotor’s chest and back. Lotor sighed in pleasure. 

“Let me see you,” Sendak begged.

Lotor hesitated. “Do you really want to?”

“Yes,” Sendak said. 

Lotor took a moment longer, and then he pulled his shirt off.

“Gods, love…” He thumbed at Lotor’s nipples, and Lotor moaned softly. “Thank you.”

”Can I-?” Lotor started. He seemed nervous, and he wouldn’t look at Sendak. “Can I touch you? I’ve never… I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Please,” Sendak said. He took Lotor’s hand and kissed his knuckles, then guided it down to his chest. “I told you: I’m all yours.”

Lotor smiled gratefully as he trailed his hand over Sendak’s chest, adorably studious.

Sendak kissed the tip of his nose, because… Lotor was looking at him like he expected there to be a test later, and it was just so…  _ Lotor _ . 

And then Lotor wrapped his other hand around Sendak’s cock. It didn’t go all the way around, but it was still a shock -the sudden touch, Lotor’s boldness -and it startled a moan out of Sendak.

Lotor looked up at him, a curious gleam in his eyes. 

He stroked Sendak’s cock carefully, clearly watching for Sendak’s reaction.

Sendak had never felt afraid during sex, but now he was concerned about Lotor’s brilliant clever mind being focused wholly on him and his pleasure. Surely that was a dangerous thing, and surely he ought to be afraid. 

“Do you like this?” Lotor asked.

“Yes,” Sendak growled. Somehow Lotor’s intense, careful way of touching him was so… “Yes,  _ gods _ .”

“Is it… because it’s me, or because it simply feels good?”

Sendak frowned. “Both,” he said. “It wouldn’t be as good if it weren’t you.” He kissed Lotor’s cheek. “Besides… getting to look at you makes everything that much better.”

Lotor’s ears drooped again. 

Sendak nipped the tip of one. 

Lotor shuddered. “I want you,” he admitted.

“I know,” Sendak murmured. It would have been difficult to miss the way Lotor was grinding in his lap. “What do you want to do about it?”

“I want- I still want you to fuck me,” Lotor said. “But-“

“What if…” Sendak began, “we did it like this? You’d have more control.” Maybe the lack of control had overwhelmed Lotor; they both knew that Lotor wasn’t physically a match to Sendak, and that if Sendak wanted to, he could do whatever he wanted to Lotor.

He wouldn’t, but even the idea that Sendak  _ could _ might have been too much for Lotor. 

Lotor thought about it for a moment, biting his lip, and then he nodded. “Alright,” he said. “You don’t mind?”

“Mind?” Sendak laughed. “Oh, love… No, I won’t  _ mind _ at all.” 

“I didn’t… You said you wanted to… so I didn’t,” Lotor said. “So you’ll have to…” 

“Love,” Sendak growled. “Oh, love…” He kissed Lotor, and Lotor moaned into his mouth. His hands made their way to Lotor’s ass, kneading the muscle. “Are you sure?”

Lotor nodded, and somehow managed to press the bottle of lube into Sendak’s hand. “Please? I know you’ll make it good for me.”

Sendak was touched by Lotor’s trust in him. “I will, love, I promise.”

He helped Lotor wriggle out of his pants and stroked Lotor’s pretty little cock a few times for good measure. 

“Sendak,” Lotor moaned. “Oh, Sendak…”

“Relax, love,” Sendak murmured. “I’ve got you.”

Lotor nodded, biting his lip. 

“Just relax, love, I’ll take care of you,” Sendak said, pouring some lube -probably too much -into his hand and spreading it over his fingers. “Tell me if it hurts, or if you need me to slow down, or… just tell me, alright?”

“I’ll...try,” Lotor said. “I’m not good at…”

“Alright,” Sendak said, kissing Lotor’s cheek. “Ready?”

Lotor nodded, so Sendak pressed his slick fingers to Lotor’s entrance.

Lotor gasped a little, as if in shock.

“Easy,” Sendak whispered. “You’ve done this before.” He didn’t even try to press in, just played with Lotor’s rim for a minute, enjoying Lotor’s little sighs and twitches. Lotor was so responsive, so sensitive… Even this seemed to drive him crazy.

“Please,” Lotor whined finally. “ _ More _ .” 

Sendak kissed him and slowly, carefully pushed one finger into him. Lotor moaned, his cute little claws digging into Sendak’s shoulders.

Sendak was never going to get over how cute and small Lotor was. 

Lotor clenched down on his finger involuntarily.

“Relax,” Sendak repeated. “Let me in.”

Lotor nodded, and took a deep breath, and then Sendak’s finger slid all the way in.

Lotor couldn’t even moan. He just pressed his forehead to Sendak’s shoulder and panted, his hips thrusting back and forth without rhythm or conscious control. 

“Oh, love…” Sendak murmured, unbearably enamored with him, with the idea that this alone was making Lotor fall apart so beautifully. Maybe he could make Lotor come just like this, one finger gently probing and stretching him…

But Lotor had asked Sendak to fuck him, and if that’s what he wanted, who was Sendak to deny him?

He pressed another finger into Lotor, reveling in the way Lotor’s eyes flew open in shock and pleasure.

“That’s nice, isn’t it, love?” Sendak murmured. “It’ll get better soon.”

It was good enough already that he had to use his free hand to keep Lotor’s hips still, because Lotor was trying to ride his fingers, trying to get  _ more _ .

And Sendak would give it to him. When he was good and ready. 

He crooked his fingers just so, searching for…

Lotor’s whole body jerked as he moaned, long and low.

Sendak kissed him while pressing and rubbing that spot, until Lotor pulled back.

“Sendak,” he gasped. “Sendak, I can’t- I need you,  _ please… _ ” 

“Are you sure?” Sendak asked, already withdrawing his fingers (a process made all the more difficult by the way Lotor’s hole was trying to keep them in). “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Lotor said, a little more clarity in his eyes. “I- You won’t. I know you won’t.”

Sendak wasn’t sure what he’d done to earn Lotor’s trust like that, but he was grateful and relieved regardless.

He kissed Lotor and urged him up onto his knees. “Take your time, love, there’s no rush.” He positioned his cock so that Lotor could sink down on it when he was ready, and steadied Lotor with his other hand. 

It was difficult for Sendak to keep himself under control, but the fear of hurting Lotor, of breaking his trust, stayed his hand. It was a miracle that Lotor kept giving him chances; he wouldn’t fuck it up again.

Lotor was too important.

Lotor looked away as he started lowering himself down, sighing softly.

He was so tight and hot, so perfect, and somehow… Somehow he managed to sink all the way down, until he was once more firmly seated in Sendak’s lap.

It was…

It was amazing, having Lotor in his lap like this, on his cock, panting and moaning, hips twitching despite Lotor’s restraint.

Lotor tried to lift himself up again, but he was trembling too hard. “Sendak,” he said, clearly frustrated with himself. “Sendak, I  _ can’t _ .”

“Shh,” Sendak soothed. He probably didn’t really need Lotor to actually move to make him come at this point. He could probably just stroke Lotor off, and that would be enough…

That wasn’t what Lotor wanted. “Shh,” he said again, stroking Lotor’s side. “Do you need help, love?”

Lotor nodded, pouting a little, his ears flicking in irritation and embarrassment. 

“‘S’alright,” Sendak murmured. “Let me help you.” He put his hands on Lotor’s hips -once again awed by how tiny Lotor’s waist was -and lifted him up a little, before letting gravity pull him back down and thrusting up with his own hips. “Is this alright?”

Lotor pressed closer to Sendak, tucking himself under his chin once more, and nodded.

The angle clearly did something for Lotor; he moaned almost constantly, the sounds muffled because he had his face pressed to Sendak’s chest.

Sendak set a slow, steady pace, one that Lotor was able to match after a short while.

Having Lotor meet each thrust made it so much better. They moved together so perfectly, as if they were meant for each other, as if they’d done this countless times before. 

It lasted forever in the best way.

“Sendak,” Lotor murmured finally, lifting his head to meet Sendak’s eyes. “ _ Sendak… _ ” 

“Go ahead, love,” Sendak said. “I want to feel you come.”

With that, Lotor did, holding onto Sendak desperately, as if that would keep him from being swept away.

And Sendak followed.

He held Lotor for a long time after. He didn’t want to stop touching Lotor, and Lotor couldn’t seem to stop trembling, to the point that Sendak was concerned about leaving him alone, even for a short while.

Finally, Lotor collected himself, and Sendak drew them both a bath.

Lotor’s quarters were the mirror of his own, and both had ostentatiously large bathtubs, large enough for two (or even three) average-sized Galra, and therefore certainly large enough for both of them.

Lotor reclined against his chest, between Sendak’s knees. Sendak held him loosely around the waist, nuzzling the top of Lotor’s head.

They hadn’t really spoken until this point. It hadn’t seemed necessary. 

But now… 

“Lotor,” Sendak began quietly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Lotor stiffened, just slightly. “I… We were not...close, before,” he said. “I didn’t want you to know.”

“You let me say all sorts of awful things to you,” Sendak said. 

“I knew it wasn’t true,” Lotor said, “so it didn’t bother me. Besides… I wanted you to be awful to me. That’s why I was so awful.”

“ _ Why? _ ” Sendak wouldn’t have hurt him, but Lotor hadn’t known that, and most of the other Commanders he might have been married to would probably have become violent. 

“I wanted you to give me a reason to hate you, personally,” Lotor admitted. “I wanted you to hurt me, or force me, or- But you didn’t. You were so  _ considerate _ , and I…” He sighed. “I could have told you, I suppose, but I think if you had been as kind to me then as you have been these last few weeks, I… I would have hated you even more for making me that vulnerable. I don’t think I ever could have forgiven you if you had seen me cry that night.”

“You  _ cried _ ?” Sendak asked, horrified with himself. Sure, he had the excuse of not caring about Lotor then, but- “Lotor…”

“Don’t feel so guilty about it,” Lotor said. “It wasn’t all your fault, and all things considered… I’m glad you left me alone. I needed some space to process it all.” He turned in Sendak’s lap so he could kiss his cheek. “Besides, the sex was good. The best part of that day.”

“That’s not saying much,” Sendak said. 

“It could have been so much worse,” Lotor said. “Please, I’ve long since forgiven everything you did or said that night.”

“I wish your forgiveness hadn’t been necessary,” Sendak said, holding Lotor a little closer. 

“I think you are the best man I’ve ever met,” Lotor said seriously. “I’m glad it was you.”

Sendak smiled a little sadly, trying not to think about what might have happened if Lotor had been married to someone else. By now, he might be dead. Regardless, Sendak never would have met him, never fallen in love with him.

“Love,” Sendak said, “you deserve so much better than I, but I will do my best to give you everything you should have had.”

Lotor embraced him, unable to say whatever he was thinking, but Sendak thought he might understand anyway. 


	23. Chapter 23

Lotor was not a sound sleeper. He never had been, and during his long years in exile, he’d become used to waking at the slightest sound, the barest hint of danger.

So it was no surprise that he woke when Sendak tried to get out of bed.

“Hm?” 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Sendak murmured, kissing him on the cheek. “Go back to sleep, love.”

“Stay,” Lotor said. Sendak was behind him, so he couldn’t really grab onto him and keep him here, but- “Just for a little while.”

“Alright, love,” Sendak said easily, laying back down and curling around Lotor, embracing him so wholly that Lotor felt-  _ protected _ .  _ Safe _ . “It’s still early.”

Lotor assumed that Sendak had meant to go to the training deck -Haxus had said that he did that every morning -but… He didn’t want Sendak to go just yet. 

Last night had been… It had been  _ wonderful _ . After their bath, Sendak had ordered dinner to be brought up, and they’d talked and ate and one thing had led to another and…

And Sendak had stayed.

All night.

Just...holding him. 

And that was honestly probably the best part.

So he didn’t want Sendak to leave yet. 

(Part of him wanted Sendak to never,  _ ever _ leave, but-)

He turned over to face Sendak, and Sendak moved, too, so that Lotor ended up with his head pillowed on Sendak’s chest.

He listened to Sendak’s heart beat for a few minutes, idly combing his fingers through Sendak’s fur, enjoying his warmth and the comfort and safety of the situation. 

“Do you…” he began finally, when he worked up the courage to do so. It was one thing to ask about Haxus, and quite another thing to ask about everyone else Sendak had bedded. “Do you tell everyone you sleep with that you love them?”

Sendak stroked his hair and looked down at him. “No,” he said. “You and Haxus are the only ones.”

“Why…” Lotor licked his lips. “Why do you call me ‘love’? Do you- did you ever call the others that?”

“No,” Sendak said. “Haxus doesn’t like pet names, and I wouldn’t- To tell someone you love them is a...special thing. It means  _ something _ . I call you ‘love’ because that’s how I feel, and because I want you to know that.”

“Oh,” Lotor said. He realized, then, that he was not, as he initially thought, afraid of Sendak. Rather, the fear-that-was-not-fear he felt when he was around Sendak was something else entirely. Something he didn’t want to name right now, but something that maybe Sendak was naming for him. 

“Besides,” Sendak said, “your ears get all twitchy when I call you ‘love’ and it’s cute.” 

Lotor flushed, completely shocked and speechless and hopelessly flustered. “I- I’m not- you’re- You can’t think- I’m not  _ cute _ !” 

Sendak nipped the tip of one ear playfully. “You are,” he said. “ _ Very _ cute.” He pulled Lotor on top of him, so that they were nose-to-nose. 

Lotor was already half-outraged, but- Sendak wasn’t making fun of him. He seemed completely sincere, and though he was grinning, it wasn’t malicious. Sendak was...genuine.

“You think I’m cute?” Lotor whispered. No one had ever thought he was attractive in any way (other than perhaps an exotic way, but it had been a madam trying to get him to work for her who’d told him that), so it was hard to believe Sendak.

“Extremely cute,” Sendak said seriously. He stroked Lotor’s back, and Lotor shivered a little at the feeling of his large, warm hand on his bare back. “And sexy.”

Lotor’s flush only got hotter. “ _ Sendak _ ,” he protested weakly. 

Sendak kissed the tip of his nose. “Yes, love?”

Lotor buried his face in Sendak’s neck. “You can’t just say things like that!”

“Why not?” Sendak asked. “It’s true.” 

Lotor was too flustered to come up with anything to say.

Sendak just held him for a little while, not making any move to do anything, though Lotor could feel his half-hard cock pressing against his thigh. 

Part of him wanted Sendak to... _ do _ something about that, but a larger part of him was grateful that he didn’t. Last night had been wonderful, but now that it was morning… Things were different, and he knew that it would be too much for him right now.

So he let Sendak hold him for a little while, stroking his back gently, until Lotor was on the edge of sleep again. 

“I have to go, love,” Sendak murmured finally. “I’ll have breakfast sent up. Do you need anything else?”

Lotor shook his head, but made no move to get off of Sendak. 

Sendak kissed the top of his head and gently moved Lotor off of him before tucking him back into bed. “I’ll see you later, alright?”

Lotor nodded, and took over the warm spot Sendak left behind when he got up.

Sendak kissed his cheek. “I love you, Lotor.”

Lotor drifted off to sleep smiling softly. 

* * *

Haxus cornered Lotor in the training room late in the day.

Lotor was not working on the intense training programs he usually prefered; rather, he seemed to simply be working on his flexibility.

(Which… Opened up a lot of possibilities that Haxus was resolutely going to ignore.)

“How’d it go last night?” He asked, leaning against the doorframe. 

Lotor shifted from his deep back-bend to a handstand in one smooth motion. “It was fine,” he said, not even slightly breathless.

Haxus refused to be impressed by this blatant attempt to show off. ”I noticed that you aren’t sparring today.” 

“You already know that Sendak is well-endowed, and you already know that I am largely inexperienced. What do you want me to say? Do you want the details?”

Haxus flushed. He didn’t, exactly, but- “It’s my night,” he said.

“I thought so,” Lotor said, somehow ending up gracefully on his feet. “I can find some other way to occupy myself, I’m sure.”

“You could join us,” Haxus suggested with a lewd look directed at Lotor’s skintight training suit, the position Lotor was contorting himself into.

Lotor was silent for a moment, before straightening up and narrowing his eyes at Haxus. “I agreed to your little arrangement,” he said coldly. “I did not agree to this.”

He brushed past Haxus without another word.

Haxus stared after him, distracted by how tight that training suit was. (Seriously, was it painted on?) 

After Lotor was out of sight, Haxus considered what had happened. 

He hadn’t meant to extend that invitation, not really. He’d meant it as- as a joke, really. Something he’d thought Lotor would laugh off, simply because… Well, there was nothing between them, no reason for them to see each other like that. The only thing they had in common was Sendak, and it was fine to leave it like that.

Sure, it wasn’t how traditional relationships worked, but what about this situation was traditional? 

But even so… Why had Lotor reacted so coldly? Was it just because he didn’t want the reminder that he had to share Sendak? It would be easy to pretend that there was no one else when he was alone with Sendak, but if the other person was there…

But he’d agreed to this arrangement easily enough.

And maybe Haxus hadn’t meant it seriously, but if Lotor had taken him up on the offer, he wouldn’t have turned around and told him that it wasn’t a real offer. Lotor was attractive enough -especially when he was stretching himself out in that training suit -and it might be fun to mix things up with Sendak. It didn’t have to mean anything. 

But Lotor had taken the offer like an  _ insult _ . Almost as if Haxus had slapped him across the face. 

Why? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now it’s Haxus’s turn to be Dumb(tm)...too busy staring at Lotor’s ass to think about his feelings


	24. Chapter 24

Haxus hadn’t stopped thinking about it, except for a period of about an hour where Sendak had sufficiently distracted him, and now that that was over…

“But why was he so  _ offended _ ?” He asked Sendak, after explaining the situation (leaving out the part where they’d come to a custody agreement over Sendak’s cock). “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I don’t know,” Sendak said. “I have no idea what goes on his head.” 

“Well, you know him better than I do,” Haxus said. “You don’t have any insight?”

“Is this really bothering you this much?” Sendak asked.

“No,” Haxus said. “I just- I’ve said worse things to him, and-”

“Haxus,” Sendak said, reprovingly, warningly, “what did you say to him?”

“Nothing,” Haxus said defensively. “Nothing he didn’t deserve.”

Sendak narrowed his eyes. “Haxus, have you considered that he doesn’t like you?”

“What?” What a ridiculous idea. “I haven’t done-“

“Hax, I know about his door locks.”

Haxus blinked, then adopted an innocent tone. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Was there an issue with-?”

“ _ Hax _ ,” Sendak said sternly. “He mentioned something about his locks a while back, and since it’s a safety issue, I looked into it. You should remember, Hax, that there’s nothing that happens on my ship that I won’t find out about.” 

Haxus flushed. “ _ Sendak- _ “

“You really are a brat,” Sendak said, flipping them over easily and pinning Haxus’s wrists above his head with one hand. “And I think… the reason you’re so hung up on it is because you want Lotor to like you.”

“No,” Haxus said, struggling against Sendak’s grip. There was no point, though. “I don’t care. He’s just-“

“I know when you’re lying,” Sendak said. “You do care. You  _ want _ him to like you.”

“Is it so bad to want to be liked?” Haxus asked.

“Of course not,” Sendak said. “But it goes both ways. Lotor’s spent a lot of time around people who, if they aren’t openly hostile towards him, disregard and put him down, and I think he’s...gotten used to that.” Sendak’s mouth twisted a little sadly. “He doesn’t react well to it, and I doubt he ever will. He can take it, but he shouldn’t have to, especially since whether either of you like it, you’re part of his life now.”

“So you’re saying I have to be nice to him,” Haxus said.

Sendak rolled his eyes. “If you want him to like you, then yes!”

“Well,” Haxus said, “I don’t care if he likes me or not. He doesn’t have to like me for us to fuck.”

Sendak sighed and released Haxus’s wrists, only to gather him up and hold him. “Well, no, for most people, if they were looking for something casual, I suppose not. But Lotor is… He’s very sensitive, and I don’t think he’s looking for casual. He wants to be liked, too, and I doubt he’s willing to settle for less right now.”

“You and your stupid big cock,” Haxus muttered. Sendak was just so  _ nice _ and  _ good _ to his partners. 

“This has nothing to do with my cock,” Sendak said. “You wanted to know what I thought about it, and that’s what I think. If you’ve been mean to him, it’s no surprise that he didn’t take your ‘joke’ well, now is it?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t have said no if he’d taken me up on it,” Haxus said. “But it was just a harmless little joke, so-“

“He probably didn’t take it the way you meant it,” Sendak said. He kissed the top of Haxus’s head. “All you can do now is apologize and explain.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Haxus protested.

“You hurt his feelings, whether you intended to or not.” He nuzzled the top of Haxus’s head for a moment. “It really is no wonder that I’m the only long-term partner you’ve ever had. Your interpersonal skills are nonexistent.”

Haxus grumbled a little. “Why do you even want us to get along, anyway?”

Sendak was silent for a long moment, then sighed. “Haxus… You know that our plans are moving forward. Things are going to start happening very quickly within the next few months, I think. It will be dangerous, maybe fatal, and if something happens to me… I don’t want either of you to grieve alone. I want you both to have someone you can turn to and lean on. I want to know that you’ll both get through it.”

”Nothing’s going to happen to you,” Haxus said.

”I hope not,” Sendak agreed. “But I can’t promise that.”

”Sendak…” 

“It would mean a lot to me if you tried to work things out. I know you’re not entirely to blame -Lotor has his own issues -but I’d like you to be the bigger person here.”

“You love him a lot,” Haxus said.

“I love you, too,” Sendak said in reassurance.

“I know,” Haxus said. He finally settled into Sendak’s embrace. “Does he love you?” 

“I...don’t know,” Sendak admitted after a moment. “But he lets me love him, and I suppose that’s a very difficult thing for him. He’s so used to people hurting him…”

“I’ll...try,” Haxus said finally. “But he really is a terrible brat.”

“I suppose you would know,” Sendak said, “having had all that first-hand experience and all.” 

Haxus pouted, completely offended, until Sendak made it up to him.

* * *

Lotor avoided everyone but Sendak for a few weeks. He didn’t like being made fun of, and he didn’t -he shouldn’t have to- This was the closest thing he had to a home, where he ought to be safe and comfortable, and yet-

He supposed he probably shouldn’t be that upset by the comment. After all, it wasn’t as if he didn’t know that he wasn’t attractive or desirable. (Sendak’s attraction to him was an aberration, but not one that Lotor was going to protest, despite what it probably meant about Sendak and his...proclivities.) 

It was just… The idea of what Haxus had suggested -Lotor being asked to join them -was so…

_ Hot _ . 

Something burned inside of Lotor at the idea, just thinking about it, picturing it. In the past few months, even before Haxus’s comment, he’d gotten off on the idea more than once. 

But it hadn’t been a real invitation. It was a- a joke, some way to humiliate him. To make him seem like some kind of slut, and then laugh at him because it was just so ridiculous that anyone could ever really be attracted to him. 

(Sendak was just lying to be nice, surely, or else there was something wrong with him, but Lotor didn’t want to argue with him over it, because at least Sendak wasn’t being malicious. He wasn’t trying to hurt Lotor, and Lotor was a sucker for that.) 

He thought about bringing it up to Sendak, but he didn’t really want to drag Sendak into it. He could handle this himself -he’d always handled everything himself -and he didn’t need Sendak to get involved.

Sendak had other ideas, and brought it up himself one night. “Love,” he said quietly. “Haxus says you’ve been avoiding him.”

Any remnant of Lotor’s afterglow was gone, just like that. “Well, perhaps I have,” he said crossly. He didn’t really want to talk about it. 

“Why?” Sendak asked.

“It’s none of your business,” Lotor said. He started to get up, but Sendak pulled him back down and held him closer.

“It’s upsetting you,” Sendak said. “You’ve been cold and distant for the last few weeks.”

Lotor hadn’t thought Sendak had even noticed. He hadn’t  _ said _ anything about it, and Sendak just loved talking about his  _ feelings _ . 

Maybe it would be best to get this over with, so Sendak would drop it. “He propositioned me as a joke, and I didn’t find it funny.” 

“Are you certain that it was a joke?” Sendak asked gently.

“Why the fuck would anyone proposition me seriously?” Lotor asked. “Look at me! I’m so…” He didn’t want to repeat the insults he’d had thrown at him all his life, but they echoed in his head regardless. 

“Lotor,” Sendak said quietly. “Oh, Lotor.”

“ _ Don’t _ ,” Lotor said sharply. “Don’t lie to me and tell me that I’m- attractive, or- whatever. Alright? Just don’t. I’ve come to terms with it, and I don’t need you confusing the issue.” 

(He clearly hadn’t come to terms with it, but he was unwilling to admit that, even to himself.)

Sendak sighed and kissed his forehead. “Lotor, I would never lie to you, and if you don’t want me telling you that you’re beautiful, I won’t. But- Where is this coming from?”

“Everywhere,” Lotor said. “I have eyes and a mirror, alright? I can see that I barely even look Galra. Maybe you have a fetish or something, but that doesn’t mean that I am-“ He couldn’t bring himself to repeat it. 

_ Beautiful _ . 

The word Sendak had murmured on their wedding night. Lotor wasn’t sure if he even knew he’d said it, but-

Surely it was a mistake. 

“I don’t have a fetish,” Sendak said. And then, kindly: “Did something happen, Lotor? When you were younger, I mean?”

So many things had happened. Lotor simply nodded. 

Sendak gathered him even closer and rubbed his back, and suddenly- Suddenly Lotor was crying, and he didn’t know why, and it was so  _ humiliating- _

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I’m sorry, I can’t-“

“Shh,” Sendak soothed. “It’s alright. You’re alright.”

Lotor clung to Sendak, so grateful for this kindness that he didn’t deserve.

“I- I liked this boy,” he got out finally, “when I was nineteen. He was a few years older than me and I guess he found out, so one of his friends told me that he was interested but-“ He hadn’t thought about it in years, not until Haxus had inadvertently reminded him of it. “He and his friends were waiting for me. They- They laughed at me and they hurt me and they-“

They hadn’t raped him, at least, but they’d beaten him badly enough that he’d needed to see a doctor; Dayak simply hadn’t had the skills to patch him up that time. 

“I am so, so sorry that you went through that,” Sendak said. “Was something done about them?”

“No,” Lotor whispered. “Of course not. Father didn’t care. He visited me once, while I was recovering, and told me that if I hadn’t been so weak, I could have-“

“Lotor,” Sendak said, anger building in his voice. “It was not your fault. Those boys were cruel and terrible, and I am so incredibly sorry, but it was absolutely not your fault.”

“I went there of my own volition. I was deluded enough to think that I had a chance with him. I was naive and young and horribly stupid, but I’m not anymore, alright? I learned my lesson. I shouldn’t have to put up with the constant reminders that I’m completely undesirable.”

Sendak sighed again. “Lotor…”

“Please don’t,” Lotor said. 

Sendak stroked his back for a while in silence, long enough that Lotor thought he’d dropped it. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think you have a right to know: you are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever set eyes on. And I know you’ll think I’m lying, but I’m not. You’re  _ gorgeous _ . If other people can’t see it, that’s their problem, but you are breathtaking, Lotor. I can’t believe you’ve gone this long without someone telling you.”

Lotor risked a glance up at Sendak, expecting to see him smirking cruelly, on the verge of laughing at Lotor for wanting to believe him.

But he only saw the sincerity in Sendak’s eyes. 

“...what?” He managed.

“You’re so damn hot,” Sendak said bluntly. 

And Lotor felt hot, but that was from the flush that went all the way up to the tips of his ears. “What do you find so attractive about me, exactly?” He asked. Maybe Sendak was just saying it, and if asked for specifics, he wouldn’t be able to provide any, and then…

Sendak sat up and pulled Lotor into his lap. “I love your hair,” he said. “It’s so soft and pretty, and it makes you look radiant when we spar. It frames your face perfectly…” He gently stroked Lotor’s hair back from his face. “Your eyes… You have the prettiest eyes. They’re so  _ blue… _ ” He rubbed his thumb over Lotor’s cheek. “Your skin is so smooth and soft, and you’re so tiny that it makes you seem fragile, but I know you’re not. You’re incredibly strong and fast and  _ smart _ . One of the smartest people I’ve ever met. I know you could beat me on the training deck one day. Probably sooner than I care to admit…”

Lotor shivered a little at the implications. Sendak was huge, a paragon of Galra strength and athleticism. And yet he thought Lotor could get to the point where he could defeat him. 

And Sendak didn’t seem overly bothered by the idea that  _ Lotor _ could overcome him. 

“You have the prettiest mouth,” Sendak continued, rubbing his thumb across Lotor’s lower lip. “Perfect for kissing.” And then he did, so passionately that Lotor moaned into it, his cock already starting to unsheathe. 

“You’re so tiny,” Sendak said, his hands straying down Lotor’s body, caressing the planes and curves of his muscles. “I know you don’t think that’s a good thing, but I love it. And I love you, Lotor.” One of his hands found Lotor’s cock and stroked it to full hardness.

Lotor could only moan and squirm. Sendak’s presence was everywhere, and once he might have said he was suffocated by it, but it was so…  _ good _ , to be here, at the center of Sendak’s attention. To have everything he never could have even dreamed of. “ _ Sendak… _ ” 

“And,” Sendak said, a teasing tone to his voice, “I love your ass.” His free hand cupped Lotor’s ass, squeezing a little, making Lotor gasp. “Whenever you have your back to me, I can’t think, because I’m too busy staring. It’s so perfect…” He groaned. “Fuck, baby, sometimes I just want to pin you down and bury my face in your ass until you’re crying because I gave it to you so good.”

Lotor’s whole body jolted at that, shocked and hopelessly aroused. Was that something people actually did? But fuck if it wasn’t something he wanted now. “ _ Sendak! _ ”

“You like that idea, baby?” He thumbed the ridges on Lotor’s cock, making sure to play with the edges of his sheath, too. “I wouldn’t even have to touch your pretty little cock to make you come, would I? I know how sensitive you are. Makes it so much fun to play with you like this…” He pressed two fingers to Lotor’s entrance -still open and slick from earlier -not entering, just massaging firmly, hinting at penetration.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Sendak murmured roughly, shifting a little so that his cock -hard and  _ big _ -slid against Lotor’s, and that was it. 

Lotor cried out as he came, unaware of anything except Sendak’s hands, the unrelenting pleasure as Sendak kept touching him, kept praising him.

Sendak only stopped when Lotor whined, too overstimulated for it to feel good.

Sendak held him and kissed him -not as passionately as before, but still lovingly -and when Lotor regained control of his limbs, he reached down between them for Sendak’s cock, only to find-

Sendak’s cock was already resheathing itself, as spent as Lotor’s.

Lotor glanced up, frowning in confusion. “Did you-?”

“Love,” Sendak said, maybe slightly chagrined, “I told you you’re beautiful. Are you starting to believe me?” 

It took Lotor a moment to connect the dots: Sendak had come from a little incidental grinding -he couldn’t have touched himself, not with both hands on Lotor -and...watching Lotor come?

He flushed, a hundred times hotter than before. And yet...he couldn’t help but be unreasonably flattered, too. “Maybe,” he said finally. “But it might take some time for me to fully believe it.”

Sendak laughed and kissed his cheek. “Guess we’ll have to keep doing this until you do.”

Lotor hugged Sendak, laughing in delight and relief. 

He didn’t thank Sendak -he knew Sendak would only tell him that his thanks were unnecessary -but he felt so grateful for everything Sendak was doing for him. For the belief Sendak had in him. 


	25. Chapter 25

Lotor watched Sendak get ready for the day from the comfort of his bed. Sendak had taken to keeping spare clothes in Lotor’s closet, so that he could simply dress in fresh clothes without the hassle of going to his own quarters to dress in the mornings, after he spent a night with Lotor.

And he usually did stay the night, when it was Lotor’s turn.

Lotor appreciated it; for some reason, he slept better with Sendak next to him.

“I can feel your eyes on me,” Sendak said, teasingly.

“It’s a nice view,” Lotor said. Sendak’s back was to him, and it really was a nice view: Sendak’s sculpted back, his luxuriant crest (almost a mane, and a show of his virility, as if Lotor didn’t know that already), his muscled ass and powerful thighs…

“I’m glad you think so,” Sendak said. He pulled his flightsuit all the way up, then turned around to face Lotor. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“But?”

“But… Let’s assume that Haxus was making a real offer, in his own way. I’ll admit that he’s not always the most tactful. Would you consider it?”

Lotor had done more than consider it. Haxus wasn’t unattractive, after all, and there had been moments on the training deck… 

“Yes,” Lotor said. “If it was a real offer, and not some way to…”

“I wouldn’t let something like that happen, love,” Sendak said. “I would never humiliate you like that.”

“…it is something that  _ you _ want?” Lotor asked. 

“Of course,” Sendak said. “I’ve made no secret of the fact that I love you both, and I would enjoy having you both in my bed. But… My gratification is far less important than your comfort. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. I understand.” He smiled wryly. “Haxus is a lot to handle sometimes, and sex is… I think you find it to be a vulnerable time for you, and that you might not like to let too many people see you like that.”

Lotor just nodded; Sendak was completely right about that. He knew that Sendak used to have quite a lot of casual sex -relatively common for Galra -but it must be difficult to feel vulnerable when you were Sendak’s size. 

“I will leave the decision up to you,” Sendak said. “It’s completely alright if your answer is no. I feel like I’m asking too much of you already. Please don’t let me take advantage of you.”

“I...will think about it,” Lotor said quietly. “But. If we were to do something like this… I wouldn’t want you to just...forget about me in favor of him. I know that he was your lover first, but I am your husband, and I won’t -you said you love me.”

“I do,” Sendak said. “Oh, love, I do. I promise I’d make sure you were included. Besides, you’re pretty unforgettable.” He bent down to kiss Lotor’s cheek. 

Lotor smiled softly. “I trust you,” he said.

Sendak smiled in return. “I know.”

“Just let me think about it,” Lotor said. 

“Take all the time you need,” Sendak said. He kissed Lotor, on the lips this time. “I love you, Lotor.”

“I know. Now go, before you’re late.” 

“Yes, sir,” Sendak said, with one last kiss (like he couldn’t resist), and then he was gone.

* * *

Over the past several months, Haxus had spent quite a lot of time on the training deck with Lotor. They’d both been angry about the situation they found themselves in, and spending a few hours pummeling each other quite viciously every now and then had helped, somewhat.

Lotor had been avoiding him for the last few weeks, though, even going as far as to remain mostly in his rooms, like he had in the weeks following the wedding. 

So Haxus was surprised when he showed up on the training deck today, during the time Haxus habitually trained. 

It wasn’t as if Lotor didn’t know this. Lotor might be free to set his own hours and do whatever he liked, whenever he liked, but Haxus was an officer, and so his free time was scheduled and predictable (if sometimes more infrequent than Haxus would like).

Haxus stopped what he was doing immediately. “I want to apologize,” he started.

“I didn’t come here to talk,” Lotor said. 

And… no, it didn’t seem that he had. He wore his training suit (as deliciously skintight as always), so perhaps…

Haxus enjoyed his sessions with Lotor. They left him hurting in the most satisfactory way, and if he masturbated afterwards, in the privacy of his shower, then that was his business. 

And now… Maybe things could go back to that. They could just forget that Haxus had said anything and move on. 

“Alright,” Haxus said. He stepped to the center of the room and waited for Lotor to join him.

Lotor had improved greatly over these past months, and so they were pretty evenly matched now.

It was… very nice to spar like this with someone. He knew that Sendak pulled his punches, consciously or not, out of fear of hurting him, and he was too high-ranked to really spar with anyone else on the ship.

Lotor didn’t pull his punches, nor was he afraid of being punished for going too hard on a superior officer, so it ended up being more visceral, more real.

It was going great until Haxus finally wrestled Lotor down to the floor. Lotor obviously wasn’t going to give up without a fight, and while Haxus had his wrists pinned above his head, he could still buck his hips to try to throw Haxus off him.

Unfortunately, Lotor was on his front, and this pushed his ass right against Haxus’s dick.

Which was, naturally, unsheathed and hard, because...well, sparring had that effect on him sometimes. Mostly with Sendak, but-

Haxus almost scrambled away in pure shock, except-

Except Lotor  _ moaned _ . 

There was no ambiguity to the sound. No pain, no surprise, just pure  _ want _ . 

It was made even more clear when he moved again, grinding his ass against Haxus’s cock more purposefully.

“I guess you really didn’t come to  _ talk _ ,” Haxus said, dazed and surprised, but not uncomfortable with where this was going. Lotor was a pretty (if bratty) little thing, and this was not the first time Haxus had fucked on the training deck. 

“And I didn’t think you were playing with  _ swords _ today,” Lotor returned, a little breathlessly.

Haxus nudged Lotor’s knees further apart, removing his ability to move much. Leaving him at Haxus’s mercy. “Tell me to stop,” he murmured.

“No,” Lotor growled. He thrashed wildly, but Haxus’s hold on him was too secure. 

“Fine,” Haxus said. He didn’t have a free hand, and he knew that if he let go of Lotor, even for a second, Lotor would turn the tables on him, and he really couldn’t have that. So he couldn’t free his cock.

But… it was nice enough to grind against Lotor’s ass. 

Gods, he had such an incredible ass, and in that training suit…. 

“Fuck,” Haxus hissed. “You don’t even know what effect you have, do you? You think no one will want you, and then you prance around in your little suit like some kind of  _ tease _ . Slutty little thing, do you get off on the idea of people getting off to you?” 

“N-no,” Lotor denied. 

“No? Then why’re you enjoying this so much?”

Lotor turned his face away, but Haxus caught a glimpse of him biting his lip anyway, no doubt trying to keep all those delicious noises from escaping. 

“If you told me to stop,” Haxus continued, “I would. I’d let you go and we’d never speak of this again. But you aren’t, because you do want this. You like that I’m using you to get off.”

Lotor shook his head, whimpering a little, and yet he kept pushing his hips back against Haxus as much as he was able. 

“Do you get off on sparring with me? I bet you go back to your room and fuck yourself on your fingers, thinking about something just like this. I bet Sendak’s real gentle with you. Maybe you’ve just needed to be fucked by someone who’s not afraid to push you around a little, pin you down and have their way with you.” 

_ That _ made Lotor moan out loud. “ _ Fuck _ .” 

“Yeah?” Haxus asked. “I’ve thought about this, bending your over a table, putting you on your knees and watching your pretty little lips part around my cock, taking you against a wall… And you’d let me, wouldn’t you, slut? Just let me have my way with you, whatever I wanted, and you’d keep asking for more, wouldn’t you?”

“Please,” Lotor whined. “Please touch me.”

Lotor sounded  _ wrecked _ . 

...Maybe he really did get off on the idea of other people getting off on him. The idea of being desirable. 

And fuck if Haxus didn’t desire that perfect little ass. He was going to wreck it one day, fuck Lotor until he couldn’t stand...

But not today. Sendak would be unhappy if Haxus left him here like that, and Haxus didn’t want to have to carry him all the way back to his quarters. 

He reached down and freed Lotor’s cock -gods, the front of his suit was  _ soaked _ -and stroked him in time with Haxus’s grinding. 

Maybe Haxus should have been ashamed of humping Lotor like an unfixed yupper, and if Lotor’s ass hadn’t been as superb, perhaps he would have been.

As it was, he couldn’t feel anything but desire, lust so strong he couldn’t think. 

Lotor’s hips twitched erratically, torn between thrusting into Haxus’s hand and pushing back against his cock, but otherwise he was limp, no longer putting up even a token resistance. 

Haxus couldn’t resist sinking his teeth into the space above the collar of Lotor’s suit, just below his ear.

Lotor made the most erotic sound Haxus had ever heard as he came, a breathy moan somewhere between a sigh and a shout.

A few more thrusts against Lotor’s ass had Haxus coming, too, harder than he had in awhile, so hard his fingers and toes went numb for a moment.

They both collapsed onto the floor. It took Haxus a minute or two to get the wherewithal to roll off him, not that Lotor protested.

...shit, he was going to have to carry Lotor back to his rooms after all, wasn’t he?

But by the time Haxus had caught his breath and was thinking of actually moving, maybe changing out of his gross clothes-he’d come in his training suit, after all, like a horny adolescent - Lotor was already pushing himself to his feet.

Haxus watched him hurriedly stuff his softening cock back in his pants and hastily try to make himself look somewhat more presentable.

There was no mistaking his ravishment, though. He still looked wrecked, and the livid bite mark on his neck made what had happened here painfully apparent. 

Lotor looked down at him, almost fearfully, licking his lips nervously…. He seemed about to say something, but then he shook his head and left, just as suddenly as he’d come.

Haxus pushed himself up on his elbows, watching Lotor leave and frowning. 

Exactly how had he fucked up this time? 


	26. Chapter 26

Sendak looked up as Haxus rushed into his quarters, visibly distraught. 

He had been planning on a quiet evening to himself, catching up on reports, taking a break from his lovers who seemed determined to run him ragged…

Alas.

“Sendak,” Haxus said, “I think I fucked up. Really badly. Like, really,  _ really _ badly.” 

Sendak had never seen Haxus so anxious and upset before. “Hax, what’s wrong?” He pulled Haxus into his lap, when Haxus wandered close enough for him to do so.

Haxus clung to him, shaking his head. “I fucked everything up, and I don’t know how to- I don’t even know if it can be fixed, and now everything’s ruined, and-“

“Hax,” Sendak said. “You know I’ll help you fix it. You just have to tell me what happened.”

“I can’t,” Haxus said, looking up at Sendak with tears in his eyes. “You’ll hate me.”

“Oh, Hax,” Sendak murmured, pulling Haxus even closer. “I could never hate you. I love you, no matter what, I promise.”

Haxus just shook his head, now trembling all over.

Sendak held him for a little while, waiting for Haxus to calm down.

While he waited, he began to notice details he’d missed earlier: it was the time of day that Haxus usually spent on the training deck, and accordingly, he was dressed in a training suit. He was a little sweaty, and his fur was somewhat disheveled (though, as his fur was quite short, it really wasn’t that messy).

He smelled like sex. 

There were only three people who had access to the training deck in this section of the ship.

“It involves Lotor, doesn’t it?” Sendak asked gently.

Haxus nodded.

“What happened?” Sendak asked again.

“It just  _ happened _ ,” Haxus mumbled. “One minute we were sparring and the next- and now he probably  _ hates _ me. And you probably will, too, because he’s  _ your _ husband, and I just fucked everything up-“

It took Sendak a moment to put it together. “You fucked Lotor on the training deck?” The idea was...distracting him from the problem at hand. 

“I didn’t mean to do it!” Haxus said. “I don’t know what happened. He just started grinding on my dick, and the next thing I know, my hand is down his pants and he’s making all these cute little noises-“

“ _ Lotor _ initiated it?” Sendak asked. 

“I don’t know!” Haxus said. “It just- I don’t know!”

“Alright, shh,” Sendak soothed. “It’s not like you forced yourself on him, right?”

“No,” Haxus said, half-offended despite his woe. “Of course not. He  _ asked _ me to touch him, and I told him that I would stop if he wanted me to. He just-  _ didn’t _ .” 

“...alright,” Sendak said, more confused than ever. “So...what’s the problem?”

“He left after, like he couldn’t get away fast enough. And I probably crossed a line and I don’t know what to do because he probably doesn’t want to see me ever again and-“

“He was probably confused,” Sendak said. “You said that it just...happened. He’s probably as surprised as you are. So… Let’s get you calmed down and cleaned up, and then I’m going to make sure he’s alright.”

Haxus nodded miserably.

Sendak sighed as he nuzzled the top of his head. These two really were going to be the death of him. 

* * *

Lotor looked at himself in the mirror, dressed in only a robe, open at the front, fresh from his shower.

The bite mark on his throat was still livid. He’d wear it for  _ days… _

A high enough collar would cover it, but he wasn’t sure if it would be possible to hide it otherwise. Wasn’t sure he wanted to. 

Sendak would surely notice, unless Lotor abstained until it was healed, and that was out of the question. Lotor had discovered that he rather liked sex, and he wasn’t really willing to give it up over such a small thing.

It was just… He wasn’t sure how Sendak would feel about the whole thing. 

Sendak had said previously that Lotor was free to take lovers, if he wished, but that was before they started sleeping together, and before Sendak professed his love. 

The fact that it was Sendak’s own Lieutenant and lover only added another layer of complication to the whole affair. 

Not that it wasn’t complicated enough already. Lotor still wasn’t sure what had happened, even after replaying the whole thing over and over again in his mind during his shower. 

He wasn’t even really sure why he’d gone to the training deck in the first place. Not to listen to whatever Haxus had to say, certainly. But not for sex, either. 

And it wasn’t like Sendak was leaving him unsatisfied. Sendak fucked him three or four times on the days Lotor had him to himself, and that really ought to be enough for anyone.

...maybe he  _ was _ a slut, after all. 

Lotor had enjoyed the encounter. Haxus had given him opportunities to stop it, to leave; he just hadn’t taken them. 

Haxus had been right. It was immensely gratifying to have someone get off on him. 

...maybe Haxus  _ hadn’t _ been making fun of him. 

Maybe if Lotor had simply said  _ alright _ and followed him to Sendak’s quarters, then…

He brushed his thumb over the bitemark, watching himself in the mirror. It was still tender, though no longer bleeding. It felt good to touch it, and remember how Haxus had been out of control with lust, all for  _ him _ . 

He was about to take things back to his bed, when someone knocked at the door.

For a moment, he thought it might be Haxus, coming to finish what he’d started earlier.

Lotor flushed and bit his lip. He wasn’t sure he could face Haxus so soon. He’d made a fool of himself, acting so wantonly. Haxus had given him the option of leaving, and he really should have taken it. 

He checked the door. It was Sendak.

Lotor wasn’t sure if that was better or worse.

He wrapped his robe around himself and let Sendak in.

“Love,” Sendak said. “Are you alright?”

“Of course,” Lotor said. He wasn’t going to bring it up; maybe Sendak didn’t know? “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“No reason,” Sendak said carefully. “I just wanted to make sure you were doing well.”

“I’m fine,” Lotor said. It was, though obviously Sendak didn’t know it, Sendak’s night off, so he really shouldn’t be here. “Is there something you wanted to talk about?”

“Who did this to you?” Sendak asked, stroking the bite mark on Lotor’s neck.

“No one,” Lotor said defensively, then amended, teasingly, “I told you I’m fucking your entire crew. I lost track of which one did what.”

Sendak seemed unconvinced and unamused. “Haxus seems to think that he crossed a line with you. Did he?”

Lotor flushed. Did Sendak know?  _ How? _

...Haxus.  _ Of course _ Haxus had told him. 

“...no,” Lotor said finally. “It was… not unwanted. Just...unexpected.”

“Alright,” Sendak said. “He seems to want to apologize.”

Lotor’s flush grew hotter. “There really is nothing to apologize for. If anything, I should apologize to you. I suffered a lapse in judgement, and it won’t happen again, I swear.”

Sendak frowned, confused. “I don’t mind that it happened,” he said. “I just wanted to make sure that you’re alright. I am glad that you two seem to be getting along, though.” 

“I…thought about what you said,” Lotor said. “About the three of us, being together. And I- I suppose I wanted to see if it would work out. If he really was attracted to me.” 

It was almost a relief to admit that to himself, that he  _ wanted _ Haxus to find him attractive. 

Sendak seemed to sense the change in his mood. “And,” he asked, brushing his thumb over the bite mark again, sending shivers down Lotor’s spine, “what did you find out?”

Lotor swallowed. He couldn’t  _ tell _ Sendak. He’d combust from sheer shame if he said it out loud! It was so humiliating that Haxus had simply guessed, but to outright tell Sendak? 

No, he’d  _ die _ . 

“Sendak-“

“You don’t have to tell me, love,” Sendak said. He pressed a chaste kiss to Lotor’s lips. “But I do think we should let Haxus know that you’re alright. He was quite worried that you would hate him.”

“Hate him?” It hadn’t occurred to Lotor that Haxus might be worried about it. “I don’t-“

Sendak scooped him up without warning and tossed him over his shoulder.

“Sendak!”

“You two really are beginning to wear on my patience,” Sendak said, fondly exasperated. “So we’re going to figure it out tonight.”

“Sendak!” Lotor protested again, struggling to free himself. “You can’t- Are you really going to carry me over there like this?”

“Yes,” Sendak said. He patted Lotor’s ass affectionately. “It’s not like anyone will see.”

Which was true, but  _ still _ . 

But it was clear that Sendak wasn’t going to let him down until he was ready to, so Lotor resigned himself to this. 

(In truth, Lotor was not strictly opposed. Sendak was so strong and so big that he could just...pick Lotor up and manhandle him however he wanted, whenever he wanted, and that was…) 

Fortunately, it was not a long journey to Sendak’s quarters, as they were literally next door. 

Sendak didn’t put him down until he was able to place him directly on the bed -and really, perhaps it was fortunate that Sendak’s bed was so large -as gently as ever.

Lotor sat up, drawing his robe around himself, and finally faced Haxus.

Haxus looked stricken and pale, and he frantically looked up at Sendak. “Why did you-?”

“You both are reluctant to talk to each other, and while watching you dance around each other for so long has been amusing, it is growing rather tiresome. So...talk,” Sendak said, casually leaning against the doorframe, leaving Haxus and Lotor alone on the bed.

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you,” Haxus fumed. “Do you know all the hassle I went through to get you laid? You’d still be mooning over Lotor if it weren’t for me!”

Which...was probably true, as far as Lotor was concerned. It was Haxus that had talked him into having the courage to approach Sendak, inadvertently or not. 

Sendak bristled. “Hax-“

“It was a lot of effort, because he’s very stubborn behind that pretty face! But if you want to throw your heart away on someone who’s just going to leave one day, that’s fine! That’s your business! But don’t expect me to do the same.”

“What are you talking about?” Sendak asked, confused. 

“You said-“ Lotor swallowed, suddenly feeling very small, under both sets of eyes. “You said you would let me leave, when it was all over.” 

“Well, yes, of course,” Sendak said. “I wouldn’t make you stay. I just- I thought things were different now.”

Lotor huddled up on himself, looking for possible escape routes. Sendak was next to the door, but maybe he could fit through that vent? “This was a mistake,” he whispered. “I should have- It was never fair for me to keep playing with your feelings. I should go, and we should forget about this. I’m sorry.” He tried leaving, brushing past Sendak, but Sendak stopped him.

“Lotor,  _ wait _ .” 

And that was all it took: two words, said in  _ that _ tone, and Lotor would have done anything. 

“I love you,” Sendak said. “I want you to stay.”

It was everything Lotor had ever wanted to hear. “Sendak…”

“When the time comes, if you still want to leave, I’ll let you,” Sendak said. “But you should know that you’ll have a place with me, with us, if you want it.”

“Do you really...want  _ me _ ?” Lotor asked. It didn’t make sense. No one had ever really wanted him. Sendak was just...infatuated. Lotor was convenient. He satisfied some fetish Sendak had. In time, all that would go away, and what then? 

He’d be tossed to the side like so much jetsam. 

“Yes!” 

That was not Sendak, which was where Lotor had expected his answer to come from. 

Rather, it was Haxus, who was marching towards him with such intent that Lotor felt a little afraid.

“You’re an idiot,” Haxus snarled, before taking Lotor in his arms and pressing his lips to Lotor’s in a biting, passionate kiss.

Lotor was too stunned to do anything other than clutch at Haxus’s shoulders as his knees gave out. 

Haxus was still a little wild-eyed when he pulled away. “What’s it gonna take to make you realize that you don’t have to be alone anymore?”

Lotor had never considered that, and so his mind went completely blank for a long moment. 

It had never occurred to him that he didn’t need to be alone, that maybe there were people out there who wanted him.

If he stayed… if it all worked out… He’d have both of them. They were a packaged deal, and he couldn’t have one without the other. But he could have both. 

“I- I don’t have to be alone?” He whispered. 

“Not if you don’t want to be,” Sendak said quietly. “You never have to be alone again, love.” 

Lotor felt his eyes getting wet; he swiped at his face. He didn’t know what to say, what to do.

They seemed to, though, wrapping him up in both their arms, surrounding him so completely that he felt  _ safe _ . Sendak kissed the top of his head. 

“I’m sorry,” Haxus mumbled. “For everything, and especially for today. I went too far.”

Lotor flushed, and laughed a little, suddenly feeling lighter. “There’s nothing to apologize for,” he said. “Today was- It- I...enjoyed it.”

“Slut,” Haxus said fondly. 


	27. Chapter 27

Haxus looked to Lotor, who was already sound asleep with his head on Sendak’s chest, his ears twitching faintly as he dreamed.

“He’s very cute,” he told Sendak, who was not yet asleep.

”He is,” Sendak agreed. He stroked Lotor’s back, which made Lotor snuggle up a bit closer to Sendak. Sendak kissed the top of his head. “I’m glad you two have managed to work things out.”

”I know you have an ulterior motive,” Haxus teased.

”Oh?” Sendak asked.

”You want to see us fuck,” Haxus said.

Sendak laughed -softly, so as not to wake Lotor. “I’m not opposed to the idea,” he said, “though, in case you’ve forgotten, the training deck has cameras.”

Haxus flushed. “ _ Shit _ .” He tried to wriggle out of Sendak’s grasp, but Sendak was too strong.

”Relax,” Sendak said. “I won’t look, and you can delete the footage in the morning. If you keep fucking there, though… who knows what I’ll see.”

Haxus was mostly satisfied with that answer. “I don’t think he’s into being watched,” he said.

“Probably not,” Sendak agreed. “But then, he’s rather inexperienced, so who knows what he’s into.”

It was incredibly unfair of Sendak to say that, when Lotor was right there, sound asleep and unaware.

”I wanna ruin that cute little ass,” Haxus growled.

Sendak laughed. “There will be plenty of time for that later,” he said, kissing the top of Haxus’s head. “But it’s late now. Go to sleep, Hax.” 

Haxus grumbled a little, but curled up next to Sendak and closed his eyes, drifting off to the sound of Sendak and Lotor breathing peacefully. 

* * *

Lotor woke to find that someone had sprawled mostly on top of him in the night. Not Sendak -Sendak was already gone; Lotor vaguely remembered waking up when he left, only for Sendak to kiss him softly and tell him to go back to sleep.

He realized that it must be Haxus, then, who was sprawled on top of him, still sound asleep.

It was kind of nice, actually. Haxus wasn’t the furnace that Sendak was, but he was still warm, and his fur was soft and velvety. Asleep, he wasn’t as aggravating as he was awake.

And...it was nice to not wake to an empty bed. To not be alone first thing in the morning.

(He wasn’t upset that Sendak rarely stayed. He understood that Sendak was busy, and had so few hours to himself. But he preferred  _ this _ .) 

Haxus stirred awake eventually, grumbling as if in protest at the very idea. 

Lotor felt a little daring, so he reached out and tugged Haxus’s ear -gently, like a child at play. “Good morning,” he murmured, amused to find someone who was even less of a morning person than he was. 

Haxus blinked, and paused, and narrowed his eyes, which was all the warning Lotor got before he was pinned underneath Haxus with his wrists caught and held above his head with one of Haxus’s hands.

Lotor struggled a little, but he wasn’t afraid. He’d never really been afraid of Haxus, after all, and after last night, when he’d all but promised Lotor that he was  _ wanted… _

“Brat,” Haxus murmured, before he bent down to kiss Lotor. “It’s too early for that.”

Lotor hummed noncommittally. He didn’t really want to do more right now, but- This was all so new to him, and he wanted to enjoy it. “Are you always this grumpy in the morning?”

“I’m not grumpy,” Haxus protested, but he let Lotor up. “I’m just not a person until I’ve had my first cup of rocao.”

“It’s cute,” Lotor told him, and was immensely gratified by the way Haxus’s ears twitched, betraying his bashfulness. 

...so it  _ did _ go both ways, after all. 

* * *

Haxus glanced up at the soft tap on the doorframe. 

He was in Sendak’s private office, curled up in Sendak’s overstuffed armchair, going over some systems reports. 

It was, however, the middle of the night, so he didn’t expect to see Lotor standing in the doorway.

“What are you doing up?” Haxus asked. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“I could ask the same of you,” Lotor said. “I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, and I saw the light on, so…”

“Ah,” Haxus said. He patted the seat of the armchair. The armchair was big, and Lotor was small; they would both fit. “I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to wake you two.”

Lotor padded across the room hesitantly, clutching his robe tight around himself. “Do you mind if I join you for a while?”

“Maybe you’ll have better luck with this than me,” Haxus said, turning the screen of his tablet towards Lotor. “I’ve been trying to make sense of this engineering report, but I’m not an engineer. I think the numbers are off, but I’m not sure, and if they are, then-“

Lotor flipped through the report. “It’s a calibration error,” he said. “The engineers will need to reset the system, but it should be fine after that.”

Sendak had looked through Lotor’s files, but Haxus hadn’t. He hadn’t cared to. But now he was thinking that it might have been a mistake.

“It’s a common oversight,” Lotor said. “The engine systems should be reset and recalibrated periodically, but they rarely are.”

Haxus remembered, months and months ago now, how Lotor had managed to disable every safety protocol that kept the reactor core from overheating in less than an hour.

It had been a bitch to clean up, but he’d been impressed, too.

“You have engineering experience,” he said, stating the obvious.

“Largely theoretical, on a ship this size,” Lotor said. “But yes.”

Well, shit, if Lotor was willing to help… “What about this?” Haxus asked, pulling up another report. The head systems tech from another ship in the fleet had sent it to him, because she hadn’t been able to figure it out, but maybe Lotor could?

Lotor looked at it, occasionally asking a question or two, and it occurred to Haxus that Lotor was  _ smart _ . Easily one of the most intelligent people Haxus had ever met (except when it came to interpersonal relationships, which Haxus could relate to and therefore couldn’t judge him for). 

They poured over reports for hours, and Haxus didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he woke up with Lotor’s head on his shoulder, sound asleep.

There was no way he could move without waking Lotor up, which would have been fine, except that he discovered the reason he’d woken up was his full bladder.

_ Shit _ . 

Fortunately, Sendak passed by the doorway at that instant, sticking his head in.

“ _ Help me _ ,” Haxus whispered-shouted, pointing to Lotor with the arm that wasn’t wrapped around him. 

Sendak looked amused, but he came closer and scooped Lotor up.

Obviously, that roused Lotor slightly. “Mm?”

“Shh,” Sendak soothed. “Just taking you back to bed.”

Lotor seemed satisfied with that answer and curled up closer to Sendak’s chest.

It was very cute, but Haxus had more immediate things to worry about. He ran past Sendak to the bathroom to relieve himself.

Afterwards, he went to the bedroom to change into his uniform. It was early, but there was always work to do.

Sendak stopped him. “Hax, how much did you sleep last night?”

“I’m fine,” Haxus replied.

“You look exhausted,” Sendak said. “Go back to bed, get a few more hours of sleep, and I’ll see you after lunch.”

“But-“

Sendak kissed his forehead. “You need your rest, Hax.” He smiled softly. “Besides, Lotor’s very cuddly in his sleep. It would do you good.”

The prospect of getting the morning off to cuddle Lotor was very attractive. “Are you sure?” He asked.

“I can handle things without you for a few hours,” Sendak said. He kissed Haxus again, on the lips this time. “I’ll let you know if anything comes up.”

“Fine,” Haxus said in mock-annoyance. 

“Give Lotor a kiss for me when he wakes up,” Sendak said before leaving.

Haxus climbed back into bed, and almost instantly, Lotor was curled up next to him, his head tucked under Haxus’s chin. 

Haxus gathered him up, delighting in the novel feeling of being so much larger than his lover. Was this how Sendak felt all the time? 

He nuzzled the top of Lotor’s head, and Lotor made a soft, content sound, and somehow he managed to fall back asleep effortlessly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The highly anticipated threesome is happening next chapter ;)


	28. Chapter 28

It had been a week since Sendak forced the three of them to talk.

The three of them had not had sex yet.

Lotor assumed that they were waiting for him to initiate, but he just... _ couldn’t _ . 

So perhaps it was unsurprising that they took matters into their own hands.

Lotor had been flipping through Sendak’s stack of novels (not all classics, as per his initial appraisal; there were a number of rather lurid romance novels as well), rather enjoying this sort of idleness. There was nothing to worry about, really.

In the long term, he’d probably grow bored of it, but in the blush of this new thing… Perhaps he could be forgiven for the sighing and daydreaming. 

He was not expecting them to return mere hours after midday, far earlier than they usually did.

“I didn’t expect you both back so early,” Lotor said.

“Not happy to see us?” Haxus asked playfully. 

“No, I just...Has something come up?” They both appeared to be in good moods, so obviously nothing bad could have happened, but this was... _ unusual _ . 

Sendak bent down to kiss him as he passed behind the sofa, off to the bedroom to remove his armor; he didn’t like to wear it in his quarters. “Being the Commander of a fleet has its perks,” Sendak said. “I’ve arranged for us to have the rest of the afternoon and evening with you, love.” 

“No one’s to disturb us except in the most dire of circumstances,” Haxus said. “Not for any reason.”

“Oh,” Lotor breathed. He was dressed in casual, thin clothing, still curled up on the sofa, and he felt vulnerable like this. Not in a bad way, necessarily. “Is it a special occasion?”

“You might say that,” Haxus purred. He kept his distance, though, not crowding Lotor, and Lotor could not help but be grateful for that.

On the other hand… It meant he was forced to approach Haxus.

He did, with perhaps less caution than was wise. 

When he was close enough, Haxus reached out and guided him closer, his touch light enough that Lotor could easily resist it, if he wanted to. 

He didn’t, and then Haxus’s lips were on his, softer than Lotor was expecting. He was expecting Haxus to bite, to push, to dominate, but he didn’t. He was gentle and sweet, careful. 

Lotor could pull away anytime he wanted to.

He reached up and cupped Haxus’s jaw with one hand, stroking the velvety-soft fur of his cheek; Haxus’s breath hitched, just slightly, but they were so close that Lotor couldn’t have possibly missed it. 

He was aware of Sendak’s presence behind him, large and warm, but he still gasped when Sendak put his hands on his hips. 

“Is this alright?” Sendak asked. 

Lotor hummed an assent, unwilling to stop kissing Haxus. 

Sendak pressed his lips to the back of Lotor’s neck, soft and gentle,  _ sensual _ . His hands slipped under Lotor’s shirt, roaming slowly. Almost too slowly; Lotor found himself wanting more. 

“We were going to wait for you,” Sendak murmured, close enough that his breath tickled Lotor’s ear, sending shivers down his back. “But Haxus pointed out that we’d be waiting forever. But you want this, don’t you, love? You just couldn’t ask.”

Lotor nodded, once. He wasn’t sure how the two of them had managed to figure him out so quickly and easily, but… it was nice, to be  _ known _ . 

“That’s alright,” Sendak said. “We’ll give you everything you didn’t know you needed.” 

Lotor moaned softly into the kiss, and Haxus laughed. 

“Oh, baby,” Haxus murmured, pulling away. “You like that, don’t you?”

Lotor nodded, more vehemently this time, and Haxus laughed again.

“Eager little thing,” he cooed.

Lotor wanted to protest, but then Haxus palmed his cock -unsheathed and mostly hard now -forcing another moan out of him. 

“Let’s take this to bed,” Sendak said. 

“Wait!” 

They both froze at once, not removing their hands completely, but relaxing so that if Lotor wanted to pull away, he could.

“What’s wrong, love?” Sendak asked.

Lotor swallowed. “I’ve never...done this before.” He had mostly spoken up so that he knew they’d stop if he asked them to. Not that he thought they were that type, but his peace of mind was important. But now that things had stopped...

He realized he was genuinely nervous. 

“I know,” Sendak said. “We’ll take care of you.”

Lotor nodded. He did know that. It was just… “Haxus has never seen me naked before.”

Haxus laughed. “Is that what you’re worried about?” He gathered Lotor up in his arms. “You might as well have been naked, all those times you wore that flightsuit on the training deck.”

Lotor flushed. He liked to be unencumbered when he trained. He hadn’t realized Haxus had been  _ looking _ at him. 

“What a marvelous view it was,” Haxus continued. He kissed Lotor’s cheek and snuck a hand down to grope Lotor’s ass.

Lotor yelped.

“Hax,” Sendak scolded. “Be nice.”

Haxus stuck his tongue out at Sendak, then turned back to Lotor. “You are the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen. I doubt the lack of clothes is going to change that for the worse.”

Lotor swallowed again, and nodded. “Alright. Let’s…”

“Love,” Sendak said, scooping him up. “Can you snap your fingers?”

Lotor demonstrated, puzzled, as Sendak carried him to the bedroom. 

“Good,” Sendak rumbled. “If you need to stop, you can say so, and we will. But I know that you get overwhelmed sometimes, so I don’t want you to have to rely on your voice.”

“So you want me to snap my fingers, if I need to stop?”

“Exactly,” Sendak said. “Can you do that?”

Lotor nodded. 

“Good boy,” Sendak said, and Lotor flushed. 

Sendak set him down on the bed, then stepped away to finish undressing.

Haxus took this as an opportunity to kiss him some more, which was more than fine with Lotor. 

“Can I?” Haxus asked at some point, tugging at the hem of Lotor’s shirt.

Lotor nodded, biting his lip, more than a little shy. But he wanted to… to give them everything they asked for, because they’d given him things he’d never even dreamed of.

Haxus worked his shirt off of him, eyes wide and full of lust; Lotor’s flush grew hotter. 

“You’re so cute,” Haxus said, as he threw the shirt onto the floor. He reached out and touched Lotor, groping his chest and abdomen, thumbing over his nipples.

Lotor made a soft sound of surprise, squirming a little, and Haxus laughed before kissing his cheek.

“You’ve never sucked cock before, have you?” Haxus asked, running a thumb over Lotor’s bottom lip. 

Lotor shook his head.

“Do you want to learn?” Haxus asked. 

It was something Lotor had never really considered, but then...he’d never really considered any of this. He nodded slowly, and Haxus’s grin widened. 

“It’s probably best that you learn on him, anyway,” Sendak said dryly. “Even Haxus has trouble with me sometimes.”

“Your cock is unfairly massive,” Haxus said. “I’m surprised you managed not to break him.”

“He would have enjoyed it, though,” Sendak said smugly. “Right, baby?”

Lotor’s face burned. Sendak was right, but did he have to  _ say _ it? 

Sendak must have noticed that he was flustered, as he pulled him into his lap and kissed his cheek. “We’re just teasing, baby. We can stop, if you like.”

Lotor just shook his head. He didn’t really want to admit that it made him hot, that he was burning with something other than embarrassment. 

Sendak rumbled smugly. “Now, then, baby, let’s get you out of these,” he said, tugging on Lotor’s pants.

Lotor lifted himself up just enough that Sendak was able to slide his pants off. 

“So pretty,” Sendak murmured, running a hand up the inside of Lotor’s thigh. “Lovely little thing.”

Lotor bit his lip, for fear that if he didn’t, they’d find out just how much he liked this. (He was so used to having the things he liked taken from him, after all.) 

Haxus had been undressing, but he paused now, his eyes firmly fixed on Lotor. “Fuck, Lotor…”

The look in his eyes was completely unambiguous: pure desire, and Lotor had no idea how to handle it.

Part of him wanted to hide himself away in Sendak’s arms, the one truly safe place he’d ever found. 

Another part of him wanted to keep going, to find out where this ended. What would happen if he let Haxus act on his desire.

Haxus stripped himself quickly and bent down to kiss Lotor again. “We’re gonna take such good care of you.”

Lotor nodded. He knew they would. 

Haxus stepped back and sprawled on the bed, legs bent and invitingly open. “Come here.”

Lotor did, settling so that he could look up Haxus’s body. 

He was more slender than Sendak, but it was easier to tell how fit he was, since his fur was only a thin, velvety layer. There were patches of longer fur on the undersides of his arms and his inner thighs and, presumably, his upper back, but that didn’t disguise his lithe build.

His cock was hard. Not as big as Sendak’s, but then, Sendak wasn’t merely proportional, so that was to be expected. He was still a decent size, though, and a little daunting for Lotor, given what Haxus had asked of him.

Haxus reached down and stroked his hair. “What a lovely sight,” he murmured. He tugged slightly, pulling Lotor’s head towards his cock. “It’s quite simple, really: put your mouth on my cock, and whatever you do will probably feel good. Just mind your teeth.”

Lotor nodded, and bent forward. Carefully, looking up at Haxus for any sign of...anything, really -approval, discomfort,  _ anything _ \- he licked a stripe up the underside of Haxus’s cock, right over the ridges.

Haxus sighed, letting his head fall back a little. “Oh,  _ yes… _ ” 

Emboldened, he did it again, more firmly, allowing his tongue to slide across each ridge slowly, teasingly, letting Haxus  _ feel _ it. 

In no time, Haxus was moaning out all the praise Lotor could ever want.

He’d gotten so caught up in making Haxus feel good that he’d rather forgotten about Sendak, which, in hindsight, had been a mistake.

Sendak settled behind Lotor and pulled his hips back so that he was laying on his belly, legs spread indecently wide. “Do you remember,” Sendak asked casually, “what I said I wanted to do to your ass?”

Lotor shuddered, pulling away from Haxus’s cock. He  _ did _ . 

He’d thought about it, and found himself horribly turned on by the prospect. It was such a filthy, indecent thing to do…

“So that’s what I’m going to do,” Sendak said. He lifted Lotor’s hips up just enough to slide a pillow under them, and then his hands were on Lotor’s ass, pulling his cheeks apart to expose his entrance.

Lotor couldn’t help but writhe at being so exposed. Sendak fucking him or fingering him was one thing, but this…

Sendak’s thumb brushed over Lotor’s hole. “Such a small and pretty thing,” Sendak cooed. “How does it ever manage to open enough to take me?”

“It’s because he’s a slut,” Haxus said. “A very cute, pretty slut. He just didn’t know it before you fucked him.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Sendak agreed. “But don’t worry, love, we’ll make sure you’re satisfied.”

They were going to kill him this way. Their words were so…  _ lewd _ and  _ inappropriate _ . Lotor couldn’t have imagined that people said these things out loud to each other. 

And then he felt Sendak’s breath on his ass, his only warning before something warm and wet and slightly rough pressed against his entrance.

He yelped, squirming helplessly, as  _ Sendak’s tongue  _ pushed and prodded at his hole, demanding entrance.

“Relax,” Haxus soothed. “Doesn’t it feel good?”

It did, but that was the shameful thing about it: that he thought he might get addicted to this sort of pleasure.

“It will feel better,” Haxus said. “Relax and let him in.”

Lotor took a deep breath and nodded.  _ He wanted _ , and it seemed that maybe it was alright to want this. 

He let out the most embarrassing sound ever as Sendak finally pushed his tongue into him, a sort of whiny mewling.

Haxus stroked his hair. “Here, little slut,” he crooned, “if you need a distraction…” He directed Lotor’s focus back towards his cock. Lotor opened his mouth, and Haxus smiled approvingly. “Good boy. Just take it, now…”

With that, he fed the tip of his cock into Lotor’s mouth. Lotor swallowed a little, trying to get used to it. 

It was difficult, with Sendak slipping a finger into him alongside his tongue, probing gently for the spot that made Lotor cry out. 

“Relax,” Haxus said. “Don’t fight me.”

Lotor did his best, but he wasn’t really prepared for Haxus to use his grip on his hair to move his head back and forth, forcing his cock in and out of his mouth.

He kept the thrusts shallow. “Good boy,” Haxus murmured. “You’re doing so well. Maybe you just needed to be full of cock, hm? You don’t have to think, you don’t have to do anything but let us use you.”

It wasn’t something Lotor had thought he’d be aroused by, but he was learning a lot today. The idea of being utterly taken care of, of being used like this was strangely attractive. He wasn’t sure if Haxus had meant it in a degrading way, but Lotor didn’t feel degraded; he felt... _ wanted _ and  _ adored _ . 

(He knew what degradation felt like, and it had never felt like this before.)

Haxus’s thrusts became rougher and more erratic, but Lotor kept himself relaxed, strangely pleased by the idea that he was doing that to Haxus. “Lotor,” he warned, “I’m close.”

Lotor hummed; he’d guessed as much, and he was close, too, just from Sendak eating him out. 

Haxus moaned as he came, his cock jerking in Lotor’s mouth.

Lotor swallowed the best he could, but some cum still dripped from the corners of his mouth.

Haxus let him go, sinking back into the pillows behind him. “Little slut,” he murmured fondly. “You did so well.”

Heat pooled in Lotor’s belly, and he couldn’t help rutting against the pillow under his hips. The praise and Sendak and everything else pushed him closer to the edge with every second.

Sendak made an amused sound, and it travelled all the way up Lotor’s body.

“Oh,” Haxus said, “you are close, aren’t you?”

Lotor nodded, biting his lip. 

Sendak pulled back, just enough to speak, but he still had two fingers in Lotor’s ass, spreading and pressing and stretching. “If you come now, can you keep going, love? I’d like to fuck you, and so would Haxus, I think.”

And… Lotor wanted to come so badly. The need hadn’t been as urgent while he’d been distracted by Haxus’s cock, but now… It was hard to think when Sendak was twisting his fingers just so…

But he’d be terribly sensitive afterwards, and every extra pleasure would- It would be  _ overwhelming _ . He hadn’t even really masturbated that much before he’d come here, having had neither the time nor inclination, but-

He wanted to see how far he could go. He wanted to feel the heights of pleasure. 

And he trusted them to take him there.

”Yes,” he whispered breathlessly. “Yes, make me come and then use me and take me apart and ruin me. I need it, I need  _ you… _ ”

“Oh love…” Sendak murmured, pressing a little kiss to one cheek. “If you need it, who am I to deny you?”

With that, he returned to his task with renewed vigor, fucking Lotor with his tongue and his fingers, making the most obscene noises.

He wasn’t aware of anything as he came, so unexpectedly that he  _ screamed _ , and it was only when Haxus stroked his cheek that he realized he was crying. 

“Are you alright?” Haxus asked. 

Sendak had stopped, pulling away to stroke Lotor’s flank gently.

Lotor nodded. “Keep going,” he whispered hoarsely. “I want everything you want to give me. Keep going,  _ please… _ .

Sendak draped himself over Lotor’s back. “If you’re sure, love,” he said, nuzzling the back of Lotor’s neck. “We can stop whenever you need to.”

“Then never stopped,” Lotor replied. “Never,  _ ever _ stop.” 

Haxus laughed softly. “I told you he was a slut.”

Sendak rumbled something, but it was lost to Lotor, because that was the moment he chose to thrust his cock into Lotor’s ass, and the overwhelming, oversensitive pleasure only made Lotor beg for more. 

* * *

Lotor could only whine as Haxus fucked him. His mind was mush, his body was mush, and the only thing keeping him from passing out entirely was how rough Haxus was.

Not that Lotor minded. He’d said he could take whatever they threw at him, and Haxus had taken it as a challenge. 

It was...perfect.

Lotor was so greedy for whatever affection he could get, and this… to be treated with such affection while being fucked within an inch of his life was strangely fulfilling. 

Because… despite the voracity with which Haxus fucked him, there was a tenderness, too: his grip on Lotor’s hips was bruising, but his thumbs stroked little circles in his flesh to soothe the ache; he left bite marks all over Lotor’s shoulders and neck, but he peppered in kisses, too; when he spoke, he said all sorts of obscene things in the fondest voice imaginable.

“One more,” Sendak murmured. “You can give us one more, can’t you, love?”

Lotor nodded, though it took a moment for Sendak’s meaning to filter through. Sendak wanted him to come again, for the fourth time since they’d started. 

Lotor wasn’t even sure how long they’d been at it. Days, maybe.  _ Years _ . He wasn’t sure he could come again. 

It didn’t matter, though; Haxus’s hand was on his dick, stroking firmly. 

It was so much.  _ So, so much _ . 

Pleasure exploded through him, so sharply that it burned and ached, that it robbed him of all sense.

He wasn’t sure how long he was unaware for. All he knew was that Sendak was stroking his hair and murmuring to him about how good he’d been, how proud of him they were.

Lotor didn’t think he could move, much less walk. He didn’t trust his voice to speak. But he trusted Sendak.

Pleasure still coursed through his body, as if he hadn’t stopped coming, and everything that might have bothered him in other circumstances seemed so trivial now.

He allowed Sendak and Haxus to clean him up, and was ready to pass out and sleep for the next decade, when Sendak stroked his hair. “Not yet, love,” he murmured. “It’s time for dinner, and then you can sleep.”

Lotor tried to roll over and bury himself in the sheets (which were clean, though he couldn’t remember them replacing them), but his limbs wouldn’t work. He settled for a pathetic whine.

Sendak chuckled fondly. “No, love, I know you’re exhausted, but I’m not letting you skip meals. I’ll hand feed you if I have to.”

“Really?” Haxus asked. 

“If I have to,” Sendak said. He pulled Lotor into his lap. “Come on, love.” He pressed a morsel to Lotor’s lips.

Lotor took it delicately, not expecting much from it. As good as the food smelled, it had come from the ship’s galley, and so-

Meaty goodness exploded across his tongue, easily the best thing he’d ever eaten.

“Do you like it?” Sendak asked. “It’s been in cold storage for a while, so I doubt it’s quite as good as it could be.”

Lotor almost punched him. He couldn’t imagine anything tasting better than this. As it was, he merely demanded another morsel from Sendak.

When dinner was over, and Lotor’s belly was full, they went to bed, with Lotor in the middle, completely surrounded by them.

He’d never felt loved like this before. 

He knew he could never thank them enough for everything they’d done for him. Everything they’d given him.

Perhaps he’d have to find some way to try.


	29. Chapter 29

Sendak untangled himself from Lotor’s grasp as carefully as he could. He didn’t want to wake him, after all.

Lotor grumbled a little, still asleep, then turned over and immediately snuggled up to Haxus.

Sendak really didn’t want to leave, but he had things to do.

He left, before he could change his mind, and spent an hour on the training deck. He’d been neglecting that lately, but he couldn't afford to let himself get out of shape. 

Anyway, the exercise helped clear his mind for the day ahead.

When he returned to his quarters to change into his uniform, Lotor was awake, though Haxus wasn’t. 

“Good morning,” Sendak whispered, leaning down to kiss the top of Lotor’s head. “I thought you’d still be asleep.”

“You left,” Lotor said petulantly. 

“Sorry, love, I can’t spend all day in bed with you.” As much as he’d like to. 

Lotor grumbled but seemed to accept that answer.

“How are you feeling?” Sendak asked, going to the closet for a clean uniform. 

“Fine,” Lotor said. “Sore.”

“Mm,” Sendak agreed, “I bet you are. Were we too rough with you?”

“No,” Lotor said. “No, I- Last night was good. You were great.”

“Good,” Sendak said. “I was worried.”

Lotor shrugged, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “I’m tough. Tougher than you think I am. You don’t have to treat me like I’m fragile.”

“I’m not,” Sendak said. “I’m treating you like you’re precious. There’s a difference.”

Lotor ducked his head, but Sendak still caught a glimpse of his shy smile. 

Sendak’s tablet went off, the chime indicating an important message from Central Command. Not urgent- Zarkon would have called the bridge directly, and been angry that Sendak wasn’t there to greet him immediately.

The chime was loud enough to wake Haxus, though, who shoved his head under a pillow, groaning. 

Lotor took the tablet, glancing at Sendak to make sure it was alright. Sendak nodded, and Lotor flipped through the notifications.

All color drained from his face, like he’d seen a ghost.

“What’s wrong?” Sendak asked. “Is he-?” He wasn’t sure where he’d been going with that, but it didn’t matter. Lotor shoved the tablet at him.

Sendak took it, flipping through the file that was still open. Schematics of some kind. Weapons’ modifications, to be implemented as soon as could be arranged. 

He wasn’t sure what the problem was, so he glanced at Lotor. “Love?”

“Those are my designs,” Lotor hissed. He swiped his eyes angrily with the back of his hand. “Those are my designs, the ones he said were worthless and useless and- and-“

He was too angry to speak.

Sendak had never seen Lotor like this, on the verge of angry tears, frustrated and-

“Love,” Sendak said carefully. 

“He’s not even giving me credit. He stole my designs! But he won’t admit that I am good for something! He’s just- using me and forgetting me and pushing me to the side, and he just expects me to take it!”

“Oh, love,” Sendak murmured, gathering Lotor up into his arms. “Oh, love.”

Lotor didn’t cry, though Sendak could tell it was a near thing. He just trembled with rage and frustration. 

“I hate him,” Lotor whispered. “I hate everything he’s done to me. He stole my life from me, and now he’s stealing my legacy, the only thing I could have left behind. And I hate him. I just- why couldn’t he love me?”

“Oh, love,” Sendak said again, softer, not sure what else he could say. ”I love you. I love you so much. Nothing will ever change that.”

Haxus had roused himself at some point, and now he plucked the tablet up from where it had been forgotten on the sheets. “These designs are incredible,” he said. “You should be proud of them.”

Lotor lifted his head and wiped his face again. “Really?”

“Fuck, yes,” Haxus said. “They’re so... _ elegant _ . It’s no wonder he wants the fleet to implement them. I am sorry that he’s not acknowledging you, but-  _ We _ know.”

Lotor nodded uncertainly. “I- I drew up those designs when I was much younger. I wanted his attention, his approval, but nothing was ever good enough for him. So now… Now I want…”

He seemed to mull something over for a moment, and then he squared his shoulders and drew himself up. “I want to help you implement these designs  _ -my _ designs - first, and then… Then I want to help you destroy him.”

Haxus leaned forward to kiss him, grinning satisfactorily. 

“Lotor,” Sendak murmured. “You said- It’s too dangerous. If he finds out-“

“That was before,” Lotor said. “But now I’m invested, and regardless- we have a better chance now, if he’s making the whole empire implement my designs.”

“Why’s that?” Haxus asked.

“Because,” Lotor said, grinning ferally now, “I built in a killswitch that no one knows about.”

Something surged in Sendak’s chest. He’d thought it would take years before he was ready to confront Zarkon. Now- now victory was just around the corner.

But- The stakes were higher now. It wasn’t just his life and Haxus’s. Now it was Lotor’s, too.

“Lotor,” he began, “you don’t have to- You know what he will do if he finds out you had any part in this.”

“Yes,” Lotor said. “Yes, I know. But I’ve had  _ enough _ , and you stand a better chance of succeeding with my help. So. Let me help you, Sendak.”

“Alright,” Sendak agreed reluctantly. “If you’re sure.”

”Once, I didn’t care,” Lotor said quietly. “Once, I would have been content however it turned out. But now I care, and I want you to succeed, so if I can help in any way, then I will. I...care about you. Both of you. I would be bereft if something happened to you because of my inaction.” 

Haxus tugged his ear affectionately. “Aw, you care about us?” He teased.

”Against my better judgement,” Lotor said. 

Sendak held him a little tighter, trying not to imagine what it would be like to lose either of them.

* * *

Lotor threw himself into the work of modifying the weapons’ systems, enjoying the project despite everything. He’d never thought his ideas would ever be used, after his father had dismissed them so thoroughly. 

Haxus and Sendak were both impressed, though, and he cared about their opinions much more, these days. 

Haxus usually stopped by several times a day, often climbing into the manifolds with him to check on Lotor’s work himself. 

“You solder so neatly,” Haxus said wistfully. “That’s why I couldn’t be an engineer.”

“Did you want to be?” 

Haxus shrugged. “It was a possibility. It wouldn’t have put me on track to be Sendak’s Lieutenant, though, so…”

“Did you always know that you wanted to be a Lieutenant?” Lotor asked. No one had ever asked him what he wanted to do with his life, so he was curious about how other people came to decide. 

“I just wanted to be at Sendak’s side,” Haxus said. “We’ve been together for so long that I can’t imagine being without him.”

“Oh,” Lotor said, fumbling for his tablet to pretend to look at the schematic. He didn’t need to -he had it memorized -but- 

He was so envious sometimes, that Haxus and Sendak had had each other, when he’d never had anyone.

Haxus kissed his cheek. “It’s becoming hard to imagine what it’ll be like if you leave. I know you said- But I hope you’ll stay, when it’s over.”

And just like that, the envy evaporated. “I haven’t decided yet,” he said, though in his heart, he knew he’d find it nearly impossible to leave. 

Haxus smiled like he knew that. “Sendak sent me to get you,” he said. “It’s almost dinnertime, and you need a shower.”

“I’m fine,” Lotor protested.

“You have grease in your hair,” Haxus said. And then he grinned slyly. “I could wash it for you, if you want.”

“You just want to see me naked,” Lotor grumbled, though… he really liked the idea of having someone else wash his hair. Of the intimacy it implied. 

“Mm, maybe,” Haxus said. “But look, neither of us are going to fuck you if you’re covered in grease and flux.” 

Lotor looked down at himself. “Oh,” he said. “I didn’t realize…”

Haxus laughed. “It looked like you were having fun.”

“I was,” Lotor admitted. “I missed this.” 

* * *

Haxus worked his fingers through Lotor’s hair, gently massaging his scalp. 

Lotor sighed and hummed, utterly content.

He was so  _ cute _ . 

Of course, he was cute covered in grease, a streak across his cheek, staining his hair, all over his hands.

And Haxus liked this. He helped Sendak groom himself sometimes, working shampoo into his fur, all the way to the root, in his hard-to-reach spots. It was easy, and it helped him express things he found difficult to say.

He hoped Lotor knew that. 

He moved on from Lotor’s hair, gently scrubbing away grease and dust from his skin. Lotor put up a half-hearted protest, but Haxus just shushed him, and Lotor relented. 

He was obviously enjoying himself. He wasn’t purring, but it must have been a near thing. His ears drooped, twitching a little when Haxus stopped to massage a sore muscle. His eyes were closed, but his lips were parted. He let Haxus move and position him however he pleased, not even trying to put up a fight. 

“You like this?” Haxus murmured, pressing himself against Lotor’s back.

Lotor hummed an assent.

Haxus trailed a hand down Lotor’s abdomen, to his sheath. It was completely closed (for now). There was no need to wash inside the sheath -it was self-cleaning -and anyway, that wasn’t Haxus’s aim here. Not exactly. 

He palmed Lotor’s groin; the mound of his sheath fit perfectly in Haxus’s hand, like it was designed to. He groaned at the idea.

Lotor sighed breathily, his hips shifting a little. “Is this a good idea?” He asked.

“It’s a great idea,” Haxus said. “Fuck, Lotor, you’re so pretty… can’t help myself.”

“I mean, here? What if we slip and fall?”

Haxus laughed and rubbed his cheek against the side of Lotor’s neck. “Mm, alright…” He played with Lotor’s mound a little bit longer, just long enough for the head of his cock to start emerging. “Let’s take this somewhere else.” 

He couldn't stop touching Lotor as he led them out of the shower and through the sonic dryer, not that it mattered: neither of them had enough fur to need more than a few seconds to dry, and Lotor clearly didn’t mind. 

(In some ways, Lotor reminded him of his younger self: hungry for affection wherever he could get it, starved of praise, brittle and angry, yet eager to please. He supposed he was the lucky one of the two; he’d known Sendak almost all his life, and that -Sendak’s easy companionship, his unconditional love -had helped. It hadn’t fixed everything, of course, but he wouldn’t be where he was now without him.) 

It was only when Haxus was about to take him to the bedroom that Lotor pulled away slightly. “Should we wait? For Sendak, I mean.”

“If you want to,” Haxus said, “but he’s in a meeting right now. It could be hours.”

“Hours?” Lotor breathed. 

“And I doubt he’d mind,” Haxus said. “In fact, I’m sure he’d be pleased that we’re getting along so well.”

Lotor swallowed. 

“What’s the problem?” Haxus asked. He didn’t mean it as a challenge, but clearly Lotor took it like one.

He squared his shoulders. “Nothing.”

“Good,” Haxus said, before kissing Lotor.

Lotor kissed back eagerly, his hesitation gone, and Haxus led him to the bedroom. 


	30. Chapter 30

After the long day he’d had, the sight Sendak was greeted with when he returned to his quarters was... _ extremely _ welcome. 

He’d entered the bedroom to remove his armor -as he did -but he’d been stopped short by the sight of Lotor and Haxus.

Haxus had Lotor on his back, on the bed, wrists pinned over his head and his legs wrapped around Haxus’s waist. Lotor struggled a little, as he sometimes did for show, snarling and glaring and yet using his position to leverage himself onto Haxus’s cock.

For Haxus’s part, he was mostly still, just leaning over Lotor and pinning him in place.

(Sendak didn’t know which of them would win in a fair fight, but he also knew that neither of them fought fair. He supposed that, if Lotor really wanted to free himself, he could, but he also supposed that just because Haxus had the upper hand for now, didn’t mean that Lotor was making it easy.) 

“Hax,” Sendak said, stripping out of his armor as quickly as he could, “be nice.” 

And just like that, he had two sets of wide, golden eyes on him, startled by his presence.

“I thought your meeting would run longer,” Haxus said.

“I’d rather save that conversation for later,” Sendak said. “But don’t let me interrupt; it looks like you were in the middle of something.” 

Lotor used the distraction to flip them over completely, so that Haxus was now on his back underneath him.

He had gotten  _ bold _ . Sendak could admit that he rather liked the possibilities that presented. 

Haxus went still, barely even daring to breathe, which Sendak could understand; Lotor didn’t generally exercise his own agency when it came to sex, so this was new, and Haxus was surely afraid of overstepping.

Plus… the view had to be  _ captivating _ . 

It was already exquisite, from where Sendak was standing: Lotor’s lithe back and round ass, his hair flowing loosely around his shoulders, trembling as he sat perched on Haxus’s cock.

Sendak finished undressing himself with a little more urgency before settling behind Lotor on the bed. Close enough to touch, but not so close that Lotor would feel crowded. 

“Is this...alright?” Lotor asked, turning a little to ask Sendak for guidance.

Sendak laughed, an amused chuckle. “Alright? My love… Can you not see how much he wants you?”

It clearly took all of Haxus’s restraint to keep himself still, his knuckles white from gripping the sheets so hard they were starting to rip. “ _ Lotor… _ ” 

Lotor narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. He was very smart, after all, though Sendak was beginning to think that it was a dangerous thing in this situation. 

He reached out delicately with one hand, placing it squarely on Haxus’s chest. It wouldn’t keep Haxus pinned, if he didn’t want to be, but it seemed that he was willing -perhaps more than willing -to allow this. 

“I don’t quite…” Lotor began. “I’ve never…”

Haxus groaned, tossing his head back against the pillow. His hips jerked once before he regained control, and Lotor gasped.

“ _ Oh _ ,” he sighed. He shifted a little, and Haxus made a sound like he’d been punched in the gut. “Oh, you  _ do _ like this.” 

“Fuck,” Haxus hissed. “Lotor, stop teasing.”

“Teasing?” Lotor asked, a sudden edge in his voice. “You mean you don’t like teasing? I thought you loved it; you tease me all the time.”

Sendak couldn’t see Lotor’s face, but he could imagine his devious smile. 

This new emboldened Lotor was dangerous, but so terribly sexy. 

“Sendak,” Haxus said, pleading with him to intercede.

Unfortunately for him, Sendak was more interested in watching this play out. “Take your time, love,” he murmured to Lotor. “Haxus will be good for you.”

Haxus’s hips jerked again, completely involuntarily. 

“Yes,” Lotor agreed, “he will be.”

Sendak had never seen Haxus behave himself like this before. He clearly wanted to be good for Lotor, even though it was incredibly difficult for him.

Sendak hoped Lotor understood what a gift this was.

Lotor lifted himself up a little, keeping with balance with the hand placed on Haxus’s chest, before sinking down again, slow and steady and just slightly uncertain, like he still wasn’t quite sure that Haxus was enjoying this.

Haxus looked like he was in pain, almost, fists and eyes and jaw all clenched shut. “ _ Lotor, please…” _

_ _ Lotor made a soft sound, a little  _ oh _ of surprise. He lifted himself up again, shifting his hips, and Haxus moaned.

And kept moaning, as Lotor started riding him in earnest. He was unpracticed, but somehow that only made it better. He was just...doing what must have felt good, and it ended up being devastatingly sexy.

Because it was clearly good for Lotor, too. He wasn’t as loud as Haxus, but his soft, breathy moans still filled the air. His ears drooped, twitching every now and then as he managed a particularly good angle. 

“Lotor,” Haxus managed, “let me touch you.”

Lotor paused -Sendak could imagine his calculating expression -then resumed. “No.”

“Please,” Haxus pleaded. The holes in the sheets grew bigger. “Lotor, please…”

“No,” Lotor repeated. “You’ll be good for me.”

Haxus  _ whined _ , just a wordless protest, and clearly Lotor was stronger than Sendak, because Sendak wouldn’t have been able to deny him. 

Sendak leaned forward enough to kiss Lotor’s shoulder. “Love.”

Lotor turned his head, reaching back to pull Sendak forward into a kiss. He was  _ bold _ tonight, taking what he wanted without shame, and Sendak loved it.

Sendak kissed him, one arm around Lotor’s waist to steady him. He stroked himself off with the other, although that might have been a mistake; he’d been terribly close just from  _ watching _ . 

“Lotor,” Haxus whined, a different pitch than earlier. “Lotor, I- I’m- I can’t-“ His hips twitched and jerked erratically, and each time they did, Lotor moaned into the kiss.

Lotor didn’t let up, and Haxus came, almost violently, coming entirely undone.

Lotor paused, unsure if he should continue.

Sendak was of the opinion that he absolutely should, and put the hand that wasn’t on his dick on Lotor’s hip, practically forcing him to keep riding Haxus’s cock.

Haxus squirmed and panted, trying to escape the overstimulation, but there was no escape. Not until Lotor came, too.

It didn’t take long. Lotor had been close -at least part of that was from his power trip, surely -and he did like being manhandled.

Lotor bit his lip as he came all over Haxus’s chest, struggling to keep his cute little noises of pleasure in.

Sendak quickly finished himself off, nuzzling Lotor’s shoulder while he did, before letting him go.

He fell forward onto Haxus’s chest, making them both gasp at the oversensitivity. 

But then Haxus pulled Lotor into his arms and nuzzled the top of his head, and Lotor relaxed, sighing in sleepy contentment, and Sendak smiled to himself as he rose to get something to clean the three of them up with.

He finally got around to telling Haxus about his meeting later, after dinner. He hadn’t thought that Lotor was listening, not that it mattered one way or the other.

Lotor was draped face-down over Haxus’s lap, humming contentedly as Haxus brushed his hair. It was unclear if he was aware of his surroundings, or if he was even awake at this point.

There was something miraculous about it -not just because he never thought Lotor and Haxus would ever be civil to each other, much less openly affectionate -because, well… how could he have ever imagined that he might have anything like this?

Two amazing men who were beautiful and smart and-

And now he was going to do something that put them in the worst possible kind of danger. 

And because they cared about him, they’d do as he asked, even if he made it clear to them that they didn’t have to. That they could let him take on all the dangers and liabilities, and when it was over…

He’d never forgive himself if something happened to either of them.

“Haxus,” Sendak said. “The other commanders have agreed to move forward.”

“I knew they would,” Haxus said. “Your plans are solid. They’d be fools to argue further.”

Sendak couldn’t help but feel like it meant that this was going to have to end, one way or another, even though it had just begun. And yet they couldn’t stay here, in this limbo, forever. They could only move forward. 

“There’s a meeting set,” he said, “in person, in a few weeks, with one of the commanders. He insisted and…” It wasn’t that Sendak was unduly suspicious; anyone planning this sort of insurgency had to be suspicious, especially since it wasn’t just his head. “And it will be fine,” he finished decisively. No reason to burden Haxus with his worries.

“And if it isn’t?” Haxus asked quietly.

“It will be,” Sendak said. “I promise.”

Lotor pushed himself upright abruptly, climbing out of Haxus’s lap. “You can’t really be thinking of going.”

“Love,” Sendak said, “I don’t have a choice. He refused to take part without meeting in person, and I need his fleet.”

“Build your own,” Lotor insisted. “The ships from Anzade-“

“-Aren’t enough.” Sendak said. “I need to be sure before I do anything overt. I can’t take the risk of failing. This fleet gives us the majority.”

“You won’t need it,” Lotor said. “My weapons give us the advantage, and you’re clever enough to figure something out.  _ Don’t go. _ ” 

Sendak gathered him up and kissed him gently. “I need to, my love. Please trust me that everything will be alright.” 

Lotor looked like he wanted to argue further -he was clearly unhappy about this -but Haxus embraced him from behind, pulling him down to the mattress. “It’s late, so if you’re going to be a brat about this, it can wait until morning,” he said.

“It’s not bratty to be concerned about your husband’s safety,” Lotor grumbled, somewhat muffled because of how Haxus had him pinned. 

“I love you,” Sendak told him.

“I know,” Lotor said.

Sendak kissed Haxus on the cheek. “And I love you, too.”

“You better,” Haxus said. 


	31. Chapter 31

Between helping Haxus with various technical problems as they came up and refitting the ship with his weapons designs, Lotor was allowed a great deal more access and latitude when it came to the fleet’s internal network.

(He even sometimes sent orders out to other ships in the fleet, as if on Sendak’s command, to aid in the refitting process, though they were minor orders and nothing Sendak would object to.)

( _ If _ he ever found out in the first place.)

Lotor realized at some point that he probably didn’t need to be quite so secretive anymore, but old habits were hard to break, and he was honest enough with Sendak and Haxus when it was important.

His access to the fleet’s network and Sendak’s general openness meant that he saw the messages from Central Command before Sendak or Haxus did.

He didn’t know what to make of them at first. 

Sendak had a great deal of wealth now, and it seemed silly for Zarkon to question his best commander about how he spent it, when he was spending it to build ships to (ostensibly) further Zarkon’s reach. 

And yet he was, asking if Sendak thought the eight new ships were really necessary when “the fleet has fallen behind others in terms of raw material acquired for the glory of the empire.”

Oh no. 

Lotor felt the blood drain from his face.

This wasn’t a private communication, either; Zarkon was publically questioning Sendak’s investments in the new ships, questioning these last several months of apparent idleness…

Sendak hadn’t set about conquering anything since Lotor had interfered, just weeks after the wedding, and now…

(With a start, Lotor realized he’d been married nearly a year already.)

Zarkon was trying to shame Sendak into action. Force him to either go forth and conquer, or else fall under suspicion.

Dread built in Lotor’s belly.

Sendak needed to buy more time -to allow the ships being built above Anzade to be completed, to secure his alliance with one final and important commander —and to do that, he’d have to-

He thought about deleting the messages, removing them from the fleet’s servers so that Sendak would never see them (though everyone else in the Empire likely would), but it wouldn’t make a difference. 

Either Sendak did as he was expected to, or the Empire began looking more closely at his fleet, probably discovering Sendak’s plot to overthrow Zarkon.

Lotor knew what Sendak would choose to do. He’d keep up the facade as long as it took -he’d done so for decades now; a few more months wasn’t an issue -and the planets he conquered would simply be collateral damage. Necessary sacrifices in order to win.

Lotor wasn’t sure he could sit back and watch that happen.

But...what choice did he have?

Ultimately, he went to Haxus first.

Haxus sighed and nodded. “I understand your concerns,” he said, “but this is bigger than a few planets. And Sendak’s not like other commanders. It will be as painless as possible.”

“I don’t like it,” Lotor said.

“You don’t have to like it,” Haxus replied. “But this is how it has to be. For now. Once Zarkon is gone, it will be different.”

“It’s disgusting,” Lotor hissed. “Why hasn’t he done more? Acted sooner? It’s not enough to say it will be different one day. All the lives that will be lost -do they mean nothing?”

Haxus blinked, apparently taken aback by Lotor’s vehemence, but Lotor didn’t care.

“It’s murder!” He spat. “These planets that you talk about like they’re just numbers or game pieces are real, and they have no chance against the Empire. It’s just murder, and it’s wrong, and  _ you _ are complicit.”

“Lotor-“ Haxus tried, but Lotor was already storming out.

He was just… so  _ upset _ by it.

He knew what happened to the planets the Galra conquered. He’d seen it first hand, and when he tried to promise his colony that they wouldn’t end up like that-

It had been so much worse. 

Just meaningless wholesale destruction.

And all because he’d wanted to do better. 

He knew Sendak didn’t have a choice, but he’d had a choice back then, and apparently he’d made the wrong one, and now-

He paced around his room -he rarely used it anymore, but he wanted to be alone -angry enough that tears streamed down his face.

He couldn’t  _ think _ ; he just felt the horror and revulsion and despair he’d felt upon waking to see Ven’tar’s planet in flames, knowing that she and the rest of her people were being destroyed because of  _ him _ . 

He was interrupted at one point by the door chime. “Lotor?”

Sendak. The last person he wanted to see right now.

“Go away!”

There was a long moment of silence, and then Sendak said, “Alright, love. There’s a tray out here if you’re hungry. Please eat tonight.”

Lotor felt too nauseous to eat, as he always did when he thought about his colony.

And anyway… he’d failed, and it had cost over a billion lives. That blood was on his hands. Why did he deserve to eat? Why did he deserve to  _ live _ ? 

He’d spent the majority of his exile wishing Zarkon had just let him suffer the same fate as his colony, but Zarkon had denied him that small mercy, and he simply wasn’t strong enough to do it himself. 

And now… just the idea of being complicit in anything like that was enough to send him back to that dark place. 

He climbed into bed, pulling the covers around himself like some kind of cocoon, like he could sequester himself away from everything, and eventually he fell into a restless slumber. 

* * *

Haxus wasn’t immediately sure what had woken him, still stuck in that hazy in between place. He looked over at Sendak: still sound asleep, but then, Sendak was not a light sleeper.

He considered trying to go back to sleep, but then the door chime sounded.

_ Ah… _

Well, the bed had seemed empty without Lotor.

Lotor was indeed at the door, when Haxus went to check, shivering and wrapped in a blanket. His eyes seemed swollen, and he had tear-tracks down his face.

“Oh, Lotor,” Haxus said, ushering him inside. “Bad dream?”

Lotor looked at him for a moment, before nodding.

Haxus picked him up, one arm behind his knees and the other under his back. “It’s alright now. You’re awake now, shh…”

Lotor clung to him as Haxus carried him back to the bedroom.

“Do you have bad dreams a lot?” Haxus asked.

Lotor shrugged, then nodded, just once.

“Oh, you poor sweet thing,” Haxus murmured. “You can wake us up, if you need to. It’s alright.” He kissed the top of Lotor’s head, then set him down in bed.

Sendak was awake now, blinking sleepily. “What’s wrong, love?”

“Bad dream,” Haxus said quietly, embracing Lotor from behind as he curled up against Sendak’s chest, until he was completely surrounded by both of them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sendak asked, stroking Lotor’s side.

Lotor shook his head.

“Alright,” Sendak said. He pressed a kiss to Lotor’s forehead. “Is there anything we can do for you?”

Another head shake.

Lotor was still shaking in Haxus’s arms, like a scared animal, shivering and whimpering softly; Haxus just didn’t know what to do. 

They held Lotor, letting him take comfort in their presence, and finally… Lotor spoke.

“I dreamed about my colony,” he said hoarsely. 

“Oh,” Sendak said, his voice thick with understanding. “Oh, my love.” 

“I know my father wants you to continue conquering planets,” Lotor said. “I saw the messages. And I just- I saw my colony go up in flames, and it was  _ my _ fault.  _ I _ killed them all. I condemned them because I was so  _ arrogant… _ I thought if I did a good job, my father might…” 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Sendak said quietly. “He ordered the planet destroyed. Those deaths are on his hands.”

Lotor shook his head. “They trusted me, and I failed them. It should have been  _ me _ .”

“No,” Haxus said. “You belong  _ here _ , and the universe would not be a better place if you weren’t in it.”

“He’s right,” Sendak said. “And we’re going to make him pay for what he did, my love. We’ll end it, I promise you.”

“It won’t bring them back,” Lotor whispered.

“No, love,” Sendak said with a sigh. “Nothing will.” 

Lotor sobbed a little, a full body convulsion of grief and horror and despair, and they could only hold him, so they did, all night, until he finally fell asleep once more. 


	32. Chapter 32

Lotor remained subdued for several days, initiating nothing, not even conversation, eating little and sleeping less.

Sendak didn’t like it, but he knew it was pointless to try and make Lotor talk to him or anyone else. 

In the meantime… there was work to be done. He’d set his sights on several planets -rich in raw material, but highly technologically inferior: the easiest sort of planet to subjugate -to bring under the mantle of the Empire to appease Zarkon. Nothing he hadn’t done a thousand times before, though he did not particularly care for it.

But it was necessary for now, regardless of Lotor’s sensibilities or his own. 

He kept the details away from Lotor for the most part: the estimated casualties of the natives, the appraisal of their natural resources…

It hardly mattered. Lotor was perceptive, and it took so little of Sendak’s fleet to conquer each planet…

The whole thing was done in a matter of hours, but it bought him  _ time _ . 

He just needed more  _ time _ . 

He just wished he wasn’t seeing Lotor waste away in front of him. He wished there was another way.

His new ships wouldn’t be ready for months yet, but he knew, looking at Lotor, that he didn’t have months. He had weeks, maybe, until Lotor did something himself, and that…

He’d only caught glimpses of what Lotor was capable of, but he never wished to encounter it again. Lotor was a force of nature, a wild, unpredictable thing, one Sendak couldn’t allow to get loose. Not for the sake of his fleet, of Haxus, of Lotor himself. 

The other possibility was worse: perhaps Lotor would let himself just...waste away. The guilt over his own colony was still incredibly strong, even after all this time, and all of this made those wounds fresh again. Maybe it would become something he couldn’t live with, after all.

And Sendak couldn’t allow that to happen, either. 

So… Despite his reservations, Sendak reached out to that final, reluctant commander, in order to move their meeting up. 

Time was short; he couldn’t wait forever. 

He needed this over with.

Haxus wasn’t happy about it, of course, but Lotor… 

After a week of despondency, it was startling to bear the brunt of Lotor’s fury (but it felt good, too, this reminder that there was more than a spark of Lotor’s fire remaining). 

“This is quite possibly the most idiotic plan I’ve ever heard!” Lotor shouted. “You can’t possibly think that-“

“Lotor,” Sendak said firmly, “this is not up for debate. You don’t have to like it, but I need this alliance. If this is the only way he’ll join me, then this is what I need to do.”

“I told you: you don’t need him! You have my plans, my designs, my killswitch- You have everything I can possibly give you.  _ Why isn’t it enough? _ ” 

And...somehow, Sendak didn’t think they were talking about the coup anymore. “Oh,  _ Lotor… _ ”

Lotor took a deep breath. He looked to be on the verge of tears, like only sheer force of will kept him from breaking down completely. “Please,” he mumbled, swiping his hand over his eyes. “Don’t go. It’s not- There’s no guarantee that you would be safe.”

Sendak held his arms open, an invitation, and Lotor stepped into his embrace. Sendak held him close, rubbing his back. “I’m sorry, my love… I really do need to do this. I’ve bought us a little time, with the recent acquisitions, but…”

He felt Lotor stiffen in his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” Sendak said, because that was all he could say. He  _ was _ sorry. 

And there was nothing he could do except move forward.

“I hate it,” Lotor said quietly. “And I’m...afraid. And I hate that, too.” 

“Everything will be alright,” Sendak said. “I promise.”

Lotor looked up at him, lips parted as if he were about to say something. Instead, he just shook his head. “At least let me come with you?”

“Absolutely not,” Sendak said firmly. 

“I could-“

“No,” Sendak said. He obviously wouldn’t admit it to Lotor, but he was worried that  _ something _ might happen, and if it did… “I need you here.” Where it’s safe. “Besides, I won’t be going alone; Haxus will accompany me.”

Lotor looked relieved at that. “Well, you had to take someone capable of critical thinking with you.”

Sendak bent to kiss him. “We’ll be careful, I promise,” he murmured. “Haxus won’t let anything happen to me.”

“It all falls apart, if you’re gone,” Lotor whispered. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I promise, my love. I will come back to you.”

* * *

Hours had passed since Sendak left for the planet-side meeting with his potential new ally, and Lotor had heard nothing.

He hadn’t expected to, but it was unnerving anyway. Anything could be happening down there, and he’d have no way of knowing…

Alarms started blaring.

Alarms onboard Galra battleships were coded, a variety of tones and patterns to signify different emergencies, and Lotor had learned to understand them, because he liked to know what was going on. 

The current alarm signified an incoming medical emergency, and Lotor’s stomach dropped.

_ That idiot.  _

He sprinted to the infirmary, reaching it just in time to see Sentries guiding a stretcher into the triage bay.

There was blood everywhere, staining everything, dripping on the floor, streaked across skin and fur and everything else.

It made no sense. Where was all the blood coming from? There was so much of it, everywhere.

Surely… Surely no one could lose that much blood and survive.

He couldn’t make himself focus on the stretcher, and instead he turned to Haxus, ashen, shaken Haxus.

“What happened?” He heard himself asking.

“I- I don’t-“

“Sir,” the doctor said sharply.

It took Lotor a moment to realize that the doctor was addressing him.

Of course; he was Sendak’s husband. 

“Doctor,” Lotor said, straightening up. Now was not the time for weakness. 

“We need to go into surgery immediately,” the doctor said. 

“Yes, do it,” Lotor said. “Do whatever you need to.”

“There’s no guarantee…” the doctor began, his words cutting in and out in bursts of static, “that much blood loss… never wake up… severe injuries...”

Lotor drew himself up even further, to his full height (and perhaps then some). “You will do everything in your power to ensure my husband’s survival,” he hissed, “because your fate is tied to his. Do you understand?”

The doctor, perhaps accustomed to the extreme reactions of people in stressful and shocking situations, merely nodded. “Commander Sendak will be given the best care possible,” he said, before turning and retreating further into the infirmary.

“There…” Haxus tried again, “there was an explosion, and I... couldn’t- I should have-“

And suddenly, Lotor was furious. Sendak had denied him the opportunity to go with him, instead choosing Haxus to stand at his side, to keep him safe, and what had come of it?

“He pushed me out of the way,” Haxus whispered, tears beginning to stream from his eyes.

And Lotor’s fury was gone in a flash. 

He did something he was not sure he’d ever done before: he gathered Haxus up into his arms (the best he could; Haxus’s height made it somewhat awkward) and attempted to soothe him.

He had no idea what to say, so he didn’t even try to say anything. He just rubbed Haxus’s back while Haxus wept into his shoulder. 

The next several hours passed in a blur. Lotor felt like he wasn’t even entirely in his own body. The unrelenting panic existed alongside something else, something more capable of handling this current situation. 

And then.

An ashen-faced private came into the infirmary. “Sir,” he said, addressing Haxus. “The Emperor wants to speak to Commander Sendak.”

Sendak was still in surgery. The doctor had no idea if he’d even wake up (though Lotor was reluctant to consider that fact). It would be hours before he was off the operating table, and hours or days more before he was fit to leave the infirmary, if not weeks.

And yet… Zarkon apparently knew none of this. 

He must have heard of the incident -there was no hiding that -but he must not have realized the severity.

“Inform the emperor that Lieutenant Haxus is the Acting Commander, and that he’ll be along presently,” Lotor said smoothly.

The private looked at Haxus for guidance, but Lotor gave him a look, and he left.

“I can’t speak to the Emperor,” Haxus said. “That’s Sendak’s job.”

“Sendak is unavailable,” Lotor said. “You are his Second in Command, so it falls to you.”

“Sendak will be fine! He can-“

“He will be,” Lotor agreed, “but the Emperor won’t wait. He wants your report on the incident. Tell him the facts, assure him that Sendak will be well in short order, and stay calm.”

“Lotor,” Haxus pleaded, “I can’t do this.”

“You have to.”

“No,” Haxus said. “I  _ can’t _ .” And suddenly Lotor realized he was breathing far too quickly, little panicked gasps-

Lotor did the only thing he could think to do. Zarkon was not a patient man, and every second he stood here dithering with Haxus meant he had more time to become suspicious.

And that was the very last thing they needed.

He slapped Haxus right across his face.

Haxus raised a hand to his face, shocked and in disbelief, like he couldn’t quite comprehend it. 

“Pull yourself together,” Lotor snapped. “You’re going to make the Emperor suspicious. If there’s any whiff of anything that’s even slightly unusual, he’ll investigate. If he even thinks that Sendak might not make a full recovery, he’ll send one of his toadies to command. And either way: they will find enough to hang us all. Is that what you want?”

“Lotor-“

“Is that what you want?” Lotor repeated, shaking Haxus by the shoulders (somewhat ineffectively).

“No,” Haxus said. 

“That’s right,” Lotor said. “Now, go tell the Emperor what he wants to hear.”

Haxus took a deep breath and nodded. He hesitated, looking over Lotor’s shoulder, to the door of the surgical suite. “What if-?”

“I’ll stay here,” Lotor said. “I’ll be here, whatever happens.”

Haxus nodded again, and smoothed out his uniform, and left for the bridge. 

Alone at last, Lotor collapsed into a nearby chair and tried desperately to hold himself together.

Even after Sendak was out of surgery, the doctor couldn’t make any guarantees, and that was-

That was difficult to bear. 

But. Lotor had been through worse, and he’d survived, so whatever happened, he knew he’d survive this, too.

It seemed, as the days went on, that Haxus had no such surety. 

It...made sense. From the sounds of it, Sendak and Haxus had been inseparable since they met as children. Haxus might not have had anyone else, but he’d still grown used to Sendak’s care and support.

To potentially lose it now…

So Lotor found himself being surprisingly patient with Haxus, for all that his own grief and guilt (Sendak had gone to this meeting, in part, for  _ him _ , after all) threatened to consume him.

Perhaps it was easier to focus on Haxus than to deal with all that he himself felt. 

Nominally, Haxus was in command while Sendak was...indisposed, but in actuality, Lotor was running the fleet. Haxus was in no shape to take charge, and someone had to.

He’d only managed to get bits and pieces of the incident out of Haxus, but he surmised that it had been a trap: a lesser sycophant of Zarkon looking to curry favor by getting proof of Sendak’s duplicity, perhaps.

He was dead, though; it seemed that Haxus had killed him, and thus it was easy for Lotor to frame the reports as if  _ he _ were the traitor, and Sendak was the same loyal Commander he had always been, injured in the line of service. 

When Sendak awoke, Lotor was going to him a piece of his mind for being such an idiot. 

In the meantime, the doctor had kicked them both out of the infirmary. It had been several days by this point, and neither of them had really slept or showered or had a decent meal, and they were prohibited from Sendak’s bedside until they did. 

So… Lotor took Haxus back to his rooms (he couldn’t bring himself to go into Sendak’s rooms; it just felt wrong, without Sendak’s presence), and they showered together wordlessly, and they ate the meal Lotor ordered, and finally they curled up in bed together.

Lotor ended up behind Haxus, his arms wrapped around Haxus’s waist.

“What if…” Haxus began, so softly Lotor could barely hear him, “Sendak doesn’t- what if he never wakes up?”

It was the same fear that had plagued Lotor, as much as he wanted to simply ignore it. “He will,” he said, with a confidence he didn’t feel.

“But if he doesn’t?” Haxus asked. “What then?”

Lotor let himself imagine it for a second, what would happen to him if Sendak died: the best case scenario was that he was sent back into exile, but more than likely, he’d be married off to some other commander, one far less good to him. He would have none of the freedoms and privileges Sendak had given him, and he’d be grieving, and he probably wouldn’t be able to see Haxus, either.

He’d be alone again, trapped again, but it would be so much worse this time. 

He pressed his forehead to the back of Haxus’s neck. “It will be terrible,” Lotor said. “It will hurt for a long, long time. But you will survive. You’ll carry on. You won’t want to, but you will anyway, because that’s what Sendak would want.”

“What about you?” Haxus asked.

“I’ll manage,” Lotor said. “I’ve survived worse.” It wasn’t the most comforting thought, but- 

It was all he had.

Haxus turned himself over, facing Lotor. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “For everything. I couldn’t- I’ve never been alone like this before. I don’t know how you do it, but I couldn’t have done it by myself.”

Lotor rubbed his cheek against Haxus’s. “You could have, if you needed to.”

Haxus held onto him a little tighter. “Thank you,” he said simply. 


	33. Chapter 33

Wakefulness came slowly, reluctantly, numbly. 

Nothing seemed right or real. 

Sendak found his eyelids to be too heavy to lift, and it was an effort to open them, but he knew he had to; after all, he had no idea where he was. 

If it was just a normal morning, he ought to have been in his bed, but even without opening his eyes, he knew that he was somewhere else.

The unfamiliarity made him more alert than he otherwise would have been, and that alertness -not outright panic, but perhaps verging on it - made him open his eyes despite the effort.

Even his vision seemed…. _ off _ . Unbalanced and dark on one side. Maybe that was due to whatever made his body feel numb and heavy.

But he could see, and what he saw was the sterile gray infirmary.

...he didn’t know why he was here. Couldn’t remember-

He realized that someone was holding his hand, so he turned to look, and-

_ Lotor _ . 

He looked worse than Sendak felt: exhausted and pale, with lank hair and dark circles under his eyes, a sharpness that spoke of too many missed meals…

Sendak knew that was his fault.

Lotor had been sleeping, hunched over Sendak’s hand, which he’d clasped in both of his, but something made him stir now.

His gaze met Sendak’s, and Sendak could see how relief made tension melt off his frame, like he’d been holding a breath too long and only now had he been allowed to resurface. 

Lotor squeezed his hand briefly. “ _ Sendak _ .”

“You look terrible,” Sendak blurted. “Have you been taking care of yourself?”

Lotor swiped at his face with one hand as he laughed softly. “I’m afraid I’ve had other things on my mind lately.”

“ _ Lotor… _ ” 

“Hush,” Lotor said. “You’re meant to be resting.”

“What happened?”

Lotor studied his face for a moment. “What do you remember?”

“I had a meeting with Commander What’s-his-face,” Sendak said. “And then…”

Haxus had been meant to go with him, but-

Where was Haxus?

He hadn’t realized he’d said that out loud until Lotor answered: “He’s sleeping. It’s the middle of the night.”

“But he’s alright?”

“He’s fine. Just worried about you.” Lotor rubbed his cheek against the back of Sendak’s hand, before turning his face and kissing it. “We’ve both been worried sick.”

“I’m sorry,” Sendak said.

“Hush,” Lotor soothed. “It’s not your fault.” He sighed. “The Commander meant that meeting to be a trap. He intended to kill you and expose your plans. Maybe take your place as my father’s favorite. Haxus killed him, but there was an explosion and you were badly injured.”

“How badly?” Sendak asked, a sour taste rising in his mouth.

Lotor’s face was unreadable. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. You should rest.”

“Lotor-“

“You needed surgery, and you’ve been unconscious for almost a month.”

“I missed our anniversary,” Sendak said.

Lotor’s brow furrowed, and then he laughed fondly. “Ridiculous man,” he said, pressing another kiss to the back of Sendak’s hand. “That should be the least of your worries.”

“But the greatest of my joys,” Sendak replied. A year ago, he couldn’t have imagined this, and there was something so comforting about having Lotor at his bedside. He loved Lotor, after all, and moments like this made him think that maybe it wasn’t completely unrequited. 

Lotor’s ears went down, flicking and trembling to showcase exactly how flustered he was. “Don’t say that,” he said quietly. 

“Alright,” Sendak agreed, suddenly too tired to argue. He slumped back into the pillows, letting his eyes close. “Lotor?”

“Hm?”

“Am I going to be alright?”

“Yes,” Lotor said. “Everything’s alright now, darling.”

Sendak wasn’t entirely sure about that -his vision was off in some undefinable way, and his whole body just felt wrong and numb -but he wanted to believe Lotor. 

“Lotor?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.” 

Lotor said something in reply, but he said it too quietly for Sendak to make out as he drifted off to sleep. 

* * *

The next time he woke, Lotor was still there, but now Haxus was, too, curled up in the same overlarge chair as Lotor, the two of them huddled together, asleep.

Lotor woke first -he was the lightest sleeper of the three - but his stirring woke Haxus, and suddenly they were both fussing over him. 

They were both talking over each other, asking questions that Sendak, in his just-woken state, couldn't keep up with. 

Finally, they both fell silent, waiting, expectant, for him to say something. 

Sendak had no idea what, though… His thoughts seemed fuzzy, undefined. 

He settled on, “Haxus...you’re alright…”

“You pushed me out of the way, you idiot,” Haxus said. 

“Oh…” Sendak replied, trying to remember. He couldn’t. ”Was...anyone else hurt?”

“Only the bastard that did this to you,” Haxus said. “I killed him. I- Fuck, Sendak, don’t ever do something like that again. I’ll never forgive you if you- if you-“ He paused, breathed in a shallow, rapid breath. “You promised not to leave me.”

“I won’t,” Sendak said. 

Somehow, Haxus had ended up curled against Sendak’s side, with Sendak’s arm draped over his shoulders. Sendak could barely feel anything -there had to be analgesics floating around in his blood still -but Haxus was warm and comforting and familiar.

Lotor remained in the chair, tense and stoic. “Sendak… How are you feeling? Honestly?”

“Tired,” Sendak said. “Numb. Not...right.” Something was off, he could tell, but he couldn’t -maybe he didn’t want to confront it. Maybe if he ignored it, then…

“Darling,” Lotor said, carefully, “even after you recover fully, things will be different. The medical staff did everything they could, but- the damage was severe, and…”

Haxus turned a little and hugged Sendak, tight, giving him comfort. Sendak wished Lotor was closer. He reached with his free hand, but the medications must have- because he couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t move anything-

“Sendak,” Haxus whispered. “This doesn’t change anything. Between us. I love you.”

It was clear they were both shaken, but trying to hide it from him, to protect him. Sendak was used to being the one doing the protecting, so this role reversal, their careful, cautious approach…  _ that _ shook him. 

He swallowed. “What happened?” He asked. “What are you trying to tell me?”

They exchanged glances, and Lotor finally spoke: “The surgeons were unable to save your left arm or your right eye. They did everything they could- they worked for hours trying to- but in the end…”

“No,” Sendak said. Calmly. This wasn’t  _ real _ . Lotor wasn’t lying to him, but he was obviously mistaken. 

“Sendak,” Lotor said wearily. “Darling…”

“Just look, damn you,” Haxus muttered. “Stubborn bastard, this isn’t one of the things you change just by refusing to change your mind.”

Lotor just sighed. 

Lotor was used to feeling this way; Haxus wasn’t. 

Sendak looked. 

It was...strange. Not right. His shoulder was wrapped in bandages, but there was no way to pretend that his arm was under there. It simply...wasn’t there.

Sendak felt calmer than he thought he would. After all, this was life-changing news. He ought to feel  _ something _ , but-

The analgesics, probably.

“Oh,” he said.

Lotor finally got up and walked around the bed, to the other side, the side where Sendak’s missing arm wasn’t, and curled up there. The infirmary bed wasn’t really big enough for all three of them -it was barely big enough for Sendak -but the proximity was good; Sendak needed that right now. 

“When you’re healed,” Lotor said quietly, “we might be able to get you prosthetics, if you like. You don’t have to resign from your duties, either, if you don’t want to, though it might be better if-“

“Love,” Sendak whispered, barely able to keep his eye open any longer, “I can’t step away now.”

“I know,” Lotor sighed. “I just don’t want to see you hurt.”


End file.
